Missing my baby granddaughter feeling hopeless

I have been sending my grandbabies (boy 4, girl 18 mths) a little something in the post occasionally. Last week for example I made a couple of aprons and ordered a Toy Story cupcake mix from Sainsburys with my shopping. Put it in an envelope, did postage online and drove (we are shielding) to local postbox, hopped out and posted it. My daughter then sent pics of them making the cakes. It helps me feel more connected somehow.

I know exactly how you feel. Although they live a bit nearer I would love to just go and see them. But I also love cuddling them and playing with there toys with them.

Of course I blame Boris....simply because I can have workmen in my office but I can't see family. My littlest granddaughter might be back at school before I've even seen her.I mean they keep saying young children are low risk and so are teachers. Jeez it's funny when my daughter was at school she picked up so many viruses...etc. I think we got away with nits.

Lots of us are in this position, so you are not alone. In fact its awful and I miss my grand daughters lots. I guess this is something to look forward to and I'm pleased there so young they haven't got a clue what's going on, everyday is a play day. Video call helps. Take Carex

Can I put this all into perspective please. Whilst I can understand everybody’s problems just be thankful for what you have got. My son has four children aged 9 6 4 and nearly 2. My daughter has 1 son nearly 5. But last year we lost her darling daughter aged 14months to bronchial pneumonia. Our son lives 15 miles away and our daughter lives 25 miles away so missing them all so much but none more so than the little girl who is in heaven with the angels.

So sorry and I feel your pain. My own daughter is a few hundred miles away and I miss my little granddaughter too. Skype is great but it's not a cuddle. I've been very emotional seeing my daughter and granddaughter on Skype, I'm cheerful when I see them, but tearful after Skype. You're not alone and sound a very positive person. Keep strong, this will pass and then we can all be together again.
This is my first post on gransnet, nice to be part of the community.

granAnnie
Remember that it's ok not to feel ok sometimes. It is hard for everyone just now and we're all just doing our best through difficult times.

We are all suffering through this lockdown and what we don’t need is others telling us just “put up with it, stiff upper lip”....it’s actually not constructive. It’s natural, providing you are not a robot, to miss the way everything was. I hate the way some people seem to almost look down on others who aren’t coping very well, obviously they are not very compassionate people. I am not coping well and certainly not ashamed to say it and feel my life is slipping away from me......and I wonder if and when I will be able to hug my children or grandchildren again, oh yes, it will pass, but maybe not in my lifetime!

I'm a first time gran and miss my granddaughter who is 15 months. They only live nearby but in these circumstances it doesn't help. We have video chats and I have seen her go from crawling to walking and it is just wonderful.
This morning I felt a helpful gran for the first time. DIL had to work on the phone and leave her with my son and she wanted her mum. I got a video call and was able to distract her with songs and a soft toy. I felt like a Play School actor but it did the trick. It meant so much to me. You will be building up your bond via video calls. My way of coping with the pandemic is not to look too much in to the future.
All the best granAnne and thank you for sharing, it helps to know we are not alone with this.
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are they isolating or having to go out and about? If the former and they are Covid free, could you join households and live with them and work from there for a while? I so feel your ache to be with them.. so sorry

Yes, I feel for you too. The early months and years are so precious, they grow so fast. You are working and living at a distance, so no way out at present. I have cared for my first granddaughter two or three days a week since she was tiny (now just past second birthday). I kept away till last govt orders - which allow nannies but not grannies!! Where’s the logic of that? Quickly put on my nanny hat and now looking after dgd again 4-5 days a week so my daughter can get back to work. The reunion was just as wonderful as I imagined... and yours will be too.

granAnnie of course you are thinking of all the time you are missing with your family. You have to focus on you all being well when this horrible episode passes from our lives. Will your DD be able to visut and stay with you even if you are working. At least you will have time at the end of the day and weekend and will add to the total time you have contact. I have a GS who lives 500 miles away and I know the feeling of wanting to bond with the baby. Children are adaptable and will bond with anyone showing them how much they are loved. Your day will come.

I thought GN was so that people could voice opinions.
It is very hard to go from one day with stacks of access to waking up and having none. It is a form of grief.
Our parents and grandparents were in a different era....with different expectations.
I feel for you OP and hope you continue to to vent and not let it fester inside . I believe it is much better to whinge and moan on a forum then stew all the time over it.
Sometimes it is just nice to know that your feelings ....and your reasons ....you are alone.
Doesn't mean you are right or good or bad....but nowadays it is nice to have company even virtually

Hi GranAnn,
I so relate to how you are feeling. Firstly its 100% fine to admit how all of this is affecting you,I'm considered a strong person and I like many others have had some unexpected wobbles recently.
I have two grandsons,one 4 and one 18 months. They live a couple of hours drive away so I'm used to only seeing them every few months which probably makes it a little easier. It's easier with an older child as they have memories and experiences to fall back on. Babies are so much harder as not really aware of video links! I had an instant strong bond with youngest and do worry he will forget me although I know my daughter has lots of photos around and points out who I am. No one knows when things will change but there are things you can do.
Use video apps to sing lullaby,chat,do nursery rhymes etc,I saw one Nan who every night says goodnight.
Look to the future and maybe start an all about you book,what you were like as a girl etc. You can buy one or make own up.
Send colourful cards/postcards/ books.
You could send voice recordings of stories.
With my older grandson I have done story time and a virtual biscuit making session,with mum in background of course! In the future we are going to have a teddy bears picnic,I still have mine!
No video can make up for the lack of physical contact but we can still be a presence in their lives. Have a peaceful day. Big hugs?xxx

Annie

Firstly thank you for being part of our NHS support both at this time and during the last 40 years.
I feel for you . And it is ok to feel upset I think.
My daughter has a 2 half year old boy who I and his other granny have looked after since he was 3 months old and we miss him desperately - I miss the hugs the fun and laughing with him but we make cakes on FaceTime !
She also has a 6 month old girl who arrived spectacularly quickly at home and I was first on the scene so that bond is so strong . My daughter struggles at times about us missing the milestones and the baby not knowing us.
I have cried at times and been angry at the situation but mostly I just try to keep it together. My worst times are when my daughter has rang upset and struggling as although I say the right things or try to I hate not being there to help.
I do think it won’t be long now as when nanny’s and cleaners can work and people are returning to work it doesn’t male a lot of sense not to let small bubbles of people ie family to meet.
Let’s try to be thankful we have this love in our lives as so many really are alone with no hugs to look forward to .
Take care

I think that many of us are managing through this lockdown but have days when it just seems endless and hard. Everyone reacts differently and it does not always help to compare your situation to everyone else’s. I have grandchildren in Australia and near Manchester so I’m used to not seeing them every week and I definitely don’t like not knowing when I will see them again. However, many of us are missing family whether they live 2 roads away or on a different continent and it doesn’t make any difference - we are just missing them and that is allowed. It’s hard to feel sad but it’s better just to try to accept that you are feeling wobbly at the moment and give yourself a hug. The uncertainty of everything makes it even harder but things will get better one day.

I haven’t voiced my feelings anywhere before about feeling the heartache. This thread has allowed me to do that so thank you to the original poster. I don’t need to be told to “gran up”. I am strong and know others have it worse. But it IS relative and one person’s opinion is not the same as another or their experience the same. In this Mental Health week I think this was a very relevant thread. I wouldn’t dream of breaking lockdown to even try and see the children or grandchildren and perhaps that’s an indication that most people who are feeling it the most are those who ARE looking after the interests of their families and staying away. I don’t want to feel we can’t voice our feelings on here and I did think twice about commenting originally but I think it helps others to know we are all in this together. Please don’t tell me to “gran up”, it’s not nice and in this world especially at the moment, that’s important.

Each and every one of us is in the same position unless you are breaking the rules of lockdown.
If you are working in the NHS you are well aware of the implications of infecting others and the stress of the job will be getting to you but be assured that you are not the only one with uncuddled GC.

My granddaughters are all teenagers now, or at least will be when the youngest turns 13 next month. My eldest was 17 last month and it's the first time since she was born that I haven't seen her on her birthday. I couldn't get out to buy a card so made one from what was left over from my card making days.

Myself and the girls should all be going to Wales today for a week, which I was assuming would be the eldest granddaughters last time after 11 yrs, and we had all sorts of things lined up to make it the most memorable. We can't make up for it next year as both the eldest and middle one will be doing exams so wouldn't be allowed. For me this is the only thing I am gutted about with this d**n virus.

Hopefully they will still come once a week for their tea when this is all over, we always have a good catch-up which is lovely.

Meanwhile I will have to make do with texts and what's app

granAnnie my heart goes out to you. I too miss my Granddaughters so much but I'm lucky they're not far away. I am also on my own & missing my wonderful Sister like you wouldn't believe. Thank goodness for Facetime!! It won't be forever, hopefully we've done the worst bit now. Sending big hugs. xxx?

We must all remember they are safe and you are safe let's keep it that way. Like so many others I miss my 5 year old GD who l looked after for 3 days a week until she started school last September. I am worried that she will be sent back to school soon but that is another matter. I should have been looking after her 8 month old brother now. He hardly knows me is now crawling and even has some teeth. I have such a great bond with my GD and I worry I won't have the same one with him. That said we have to be strong for them. Us granny's are all feeling the strain. Let's have a GREAT BIG GROUP HUG and try to keep smiling.

I think you are being a little too tough on GranAnnie, MawB. I’m sure she is being strong most of the time, especially being a health care professional. But, she bravely used this site (which I thought it was meant for) to share her feelings. I too, felt the same one day this week so empathise totally. I am retired, live alone, and my family are in France.
Also, in “normal” times there is the chance to get on a plane and visit family. Now there is no choice.
I hope you didn’t make GranAnnie feel even worse after getting so much comfort from everyone else.
Hang on in there GranAnnie. The only suggestion I have is to try just to look towards the end of the day and not look beyond into the future. That really is scarey and personally is what kicked off my sadness in the week.
Xx

I agree with @MawB, who incidentally didn’t comment on your feelings either away OP, and playing the martyr isn’t a nice trait.

I can’t believe the whining and rule breaking I see on social media when you think about what our parents generation went through during WW2.

You’ve got all the benefits of modern technology so you can speak to people when you want to. You’re not waiting weeks for news.

It’s just a few months, hardly very long in the grand scheme. Are people really so much less resilient these days?

I really feel everyone’s sadness and share the same frustration I have made another email account for my grandchildren and have been emailing their ‘older selves with thoughts and pictures and things from the days news or social media snippets.
I enjoy the time dedicated to each of them each day and they will know how much I thought about them and hopefully soon we will have great fun going through the emails and pictures. I will keep doing this I think like an online scrapbook. Sacrifice is also a good lesson to teach I keep telling myself

so hard on all of us, such different stories,, my gks are mostly grown, youngest gd,(only gd) is nearly 11 not a hugging family, but that doesn`t lessen the love and need to see and be near them etc.

everyone is just bleeding internally with this locked up love.
we must find a way... praying

As you are working from home now and not having much social contact is probably making you feel worse. Are you having to isolate more because of ill health and being vulnerable to corona virus? Try and get out more...you are allowed as much exercise as you want and certain out door activities i.e tennis etc. Try and stay in contact with your daughter and granddaughter by zoom or video calls. It is a difficult time for everyone. I have three grandsons and one is 9 months old so I've missed a good part of his milestones as I last saw them all in February and I lost my job through lock down. It's best to try and do activities that take your mind of you missing your daughter and grand daughter .

It's so very hard, but we are getting through the worst now. I've 6 grandchildren, 3 in England, three in Canada 1 of mine is a baby and I'm missing out on her milestones too so I know exactly how you are feeling. How I'm coping is to imagine that the children in England are abroad for a year with their parents and it helps me cope. When my eldest son moved to Canada I thought I would never get over the grief but 5 years on I'm fine. I see them every summer, I fly out there on my own. and treat it as an adventure. I won't be able to go this summer though, but there's always next year. You do heal, your heart heals. I know that not seeing my youngest sons family in England is only temporary. I'm in the high risk group so will have to wait for the vaccine or medicines that can help before I can see them again. I'm so grateful for Skype, What's App, Zoom etc. This pandemic will pass. I remember the Hong Kong flu pandemic in the late 60s 80,000 people died in the UK , I had it. The next year we were all out going to festivals and everything back to normal. Don't despair, we are all feeling the same. When you feel really bad, focus on doing something nice, watch a nice film. Go for a walk, ring someone and have a chat. The weather's better now. We'll all have a limited summer, but things will get better. Look at the positives and the brighter future.