Advice regarding stubborn dad

RNID has a hearing test to do over the phone or online.
The number for the telephone test is (UK) 0844 800 3838

www.hearingaidknow.com/check-your-hearing-online-or-over-the-telephone

It's difficult if he's really set himself against them. I wear NHS hearing aids (from the age of 63) and they're fantastic. They're not particularly small, but small enough. If others want to take the proverbial it says more about them than it does about me.

When it's allowed to do so, could you watch telly at his house with your hands over your ears with a pained expression? Tell him you can't stand it any longer. Ask him why he's so damn vain.

The hearing aids you get to-day are hardly noticable NHS even but private ones cost quite a bit. My mother was deaf despite wearing her hearing aid and I had not realised until it was pointed out to me I would turn to her and say " we are talking about such and such " so she was kept in the conversation . Deafness can make you seem stupid and that is worse than the " shame ' of wearing a hearing aid.

Babyshark Your dad mightn’t even need hearing aids. His ear canals might be simply blocked with a build up of hard wax. Easily diagnosed and treated by his GP practice nurse. That might be all that’s needed and his quality of life will be transformed.

The problem might be currently accessing an appointment. But hopefully soon.

Good luck with your persuasion technique. He’ll thank you for it in the end.

My FIL was the same with specs. He never seemed vain but, as others say, a sign of time moving on.

Perhaps you need to get tough and say no more childcare until he gets this sorted. I had a virus that left me totally deaf for six months and I very nearly stepped out in front of a moving vehicle.

When I got my hearing aids it was amazing to hear birds singing and the wind through the trees. So much we take for granted.

He may be able to hear the grandchildren because of the pitch of their voices - deafness doesn’t go in a straight line.

Given that we’re already into the era of silent cars, I can’t think that becoming deaf will be an impediment and if people need to honk at you, there’s already something wrong with your driving.

I’ve friends born with a hearing disability and another with a rare form of progressive hearing loss. My nephew also is in this category. They all drive safely.

my mum wouldn't have her ears tested, and it was becoming so hard she couldn't hear properly on the phone, or in person. It got to the point when she was actually sounding like she was coming down with dementia because she'd answer a question she thought you'd asked; she gets visits from the community matron and at one point they said to her we're going to syringe your ears, put drops in for so many days and we'll come and do it, she did and they did, immediate improvement with hearing, they did the same again, now she can hear really well, the third appointment has been on hold because of corona, but I'm so glad that she had it done, and actually so is she. It took a nurse telling her they were going to do it, she will do things for the doc or nurse say she needs to, is your Dad like that?
Having it done properly rather than just drops is the key, and it would need to be done before a test anyway. My Dad at one point went for a private hearing aid which to be honest was not really that good and half the time he had to take it in for adjustment, but eventually again the nurse got him sorted for a proper NHS test [after decking them] and the NHS one was so much better, and as discreet as the private one. Do go via the NHS, even if he has a test at boots or specsavers. Maybe you ould go with him.
What does he do? Is it something that the employer would prefer if he could hear better [or is a safety issue].
My Dad had a disabled railcard because of his deafness, and that entitled him to bring a helper who would also get a reduction, so he never bothered with a senior railcard as he could bring mum along and she didn't need one either, on a station it's a safety issue, and also a practical one, if you can't hear the announcements
He can always not use an aid if he is with someone with whom he doesn't want to look old but I suspect his quality of life will improve so much if he can hear again that it will not be a problem
I know some people who have aids and you can't see them, until they said I didn't know they had them

Start talking to him about rock music. Ask if he ent to lots of gigs or concerts with very loud music. Point out that lots of musicians and music fans have early hearing damage because of the huge amps that are involved
There's a list of them here ultimateclassicrock.com/rock-n-roll-hearing-loss/
Tell him all the rock stars are having hearing tests and some of them are younger than him!
Good luck

Thank you so much for the replies everyone. Especially those who can give his perspective and those with stories of how improved life could be.

I definitely don’t worry about his driving, he called the insurance company whilst I was there and that they could have a conversation on the phone without assistance was enough for them to say on you go.

I hadn’t worried about childcare until recently, more because my eldest is 3 and so can happily being playing whilst he pops to make a drink etc, it’s the being out of sight and not hear her that started to worry me. But I questioned myself because hearing ability has never been something Iv considered in ableness to look after a child. Obviously he isn’t providing childcare now so may wait for the right time to come from the “how would we all feel if something happened when it could be prevented angle”. Feels guilt trippy but it’s a means to an end!

The poster with the link to the phone line - thank you, I think this is my way in.

I do feel for him but can’t deny the frustration his hearing causes all the family purely because it is vanity, if it was untreatable we would all feel differently.

He rides miles and miles in his bike daily, does all my DIY and still works so he’s right he isn’t old but a hearing aid won’t change that!

I think, for love of your dad, you have to tackle it again. People with hearing loss are up to five times more likely to be affected by dementia than those without hearing loss. However, having regular hearing checks and making the most of the hearing the person does have by using hearing aids is known to help. If you think about it the capacity of the brain to process must be limited if the information it is receiving is limited.

@GGumteenth I didn’t know that. Wow. But yes I see the logic. How sad! I’m not giving up. As much for my sanity as his hearing!

Just glad I haven’t been told to mind my own business which I thought was possible.

My husband was in denial about his deteriorating hearing for years. It wasn't him, it was me, I mumbled. No-one else had problems understanding me.

I found it quite lonely as I couldn't have a conversation with him.
Eventually people at work in a shared office complained he always shouted on the phone.

He had his hearing tested but decided he didn't want to pay the price for private hearing aids.
Then I found out that with a GP referral it can all be free, nothing to lose so off he went and all was well, for a time.

He soon decided the NHS aids weren't good enough, so he went back again and came home with some fancy private Bluetooth hearing aids which thankfully he's happy with.

What annoys me now is I can't tell if he's listening to music or his phone through them, and he still can't hear me talking to him!

Babyshark I hope you can persuade him to have a nurse or doctor examine his ears. Any diy hearing test over the phone will only confirm what he already knows ie that his hearing is impaired. A proper hearing test can’t be performed till after it’s confirmed his ears aren’t blocked with wax as the test sound waves won’t pass through impacted wax.

If he puts the cart before the horse and confirms his hearing loss on a DIY hearing test he might dig his heels in further and decide it’s a lost cause. When all that might be needed is his ears cleared of hard packed wax.

It’s a procedure I’ve done many times and seen it result in a dramatic improvement in both hearing and overall mood. If his ears are clear or need to be cleared of wax then he can be referred for a hearing test if there’s no improvement ?

I've been wearing two aids since I was 50. Apart from being able to hear, a bonus is that you can get a disabled person's railcard which gives 30% discount on trains anywhere in the country with no restrictions on time of travel, unlike network railcards. Oh and for me another bonus was the tinnitus training programme on the aids which is amazing!

Maybe it's time for the hearing-aid industry to do to hearing aids what the spectacles industry have done for the wearing of glasses, if that's possible? It used to be considered very ageing to wear spectacles, and now it's 'trendy'. Not sure how they could change the image of hearing aids - but I'm sure that several of the many older 'celebrities' today - Mick Jagger, Rod Stewart, Paul Mc Cartney, Judi Dench etc must wear them? Question is - how do you make hearing aids trendy/desirable?

I had the same problem with my husband. TV getting louder, repeating everything I say and conversations. We also help with childcare for grandchildren. To get him to go to the GP I just stopped repeating everything and started turning things down. Also the grandchildren stopped asking him questions and asked me everything instead so he finally went to see about his hoarding. The GP send him to specsavers for a hearing test, he came out with hearing aids. Life is much calmer now. I know sometimes the GPs refers people to the hospital for a hearing test. Its pretty much the same test but they can do made to measure hearing aids. Dont think your over stepping the mark as his daughter. You could be giving him a new lease of life.

My Mum is 90 and still insists that she is not deaf, it’s my fault evidently as I talk too quiet ! She constantly does that annoying “eh” thing instead of being polite and asking someone to repeat what they’ve said. She often tries to fill in the gaps she can’t hear and totally misunderstands what others are trying to say. Her stubbornness makes her miss out on so much, so I just give up now and let her get on with it.

I would restart by telling him what you’ve told us.
He is missing out on so much. Some hearing aids are so small nowadays that you can’t even tell if someone is wearing them.
He should get it checked as it maybe something else causing the problem that can be cleared up and hearing would go back to normal. Good luck.

If he’s anything like my Dad it takes one of his mates to say something that the family have been encouraging him to do for years. Does he have any mates who wear heating aids so he knows his street cred will still be intact. Good luck and sorry if already sorted, I didn’t read back through all the comments.

At our surgery the nurse isn’t allowed to syringe ears unless you have seen the Dr. Also before syringing you need to soften the wax for several days first so he may need to go twice that’s if you can even get him there once. Good idea to check the procedure with his surgery. My DH who has had problems with excess wax all his life now goes to a private hearing centre where they clean the wax out with an air system which is less likely to cause damage than a syringe. It’s not cheap mind. Maybe you could buy a voucher for Father’s Day.

Ask him to get his gp to refer him for a hearing test. If he needs aids the ones nowadays from NHS are briliant. I have two. They fit right inside my ears and the piece which goes behing the ear is hardly noticeable and best of all i can hear what people are saying!!! He will have a much better quality of life if he does need them and gets some.

When did being deaf/hard of hearing impact ability to drive ? Surely that’s a vision thing ?

My late husband also suffered hearing loss in his 60s and was very unreceptive to the idea of hearing aids. He would mishear words in conversation and reply, sometimes with unintentionally funny consequences. I am certain he thought hearing aids would make him appear to be an old buffer before his time.
Eventually I told him, quite unemotionally, that NOTHING made him appear to be an old buffer more than allowing increasing deafness to affect his life; to be constantly saying “Say again”, to mishear conversations and say “What was that?” when we watched tv or listened to the radio: by the time I’d repeated what had been said, we’d both missed the next bit.
He got very discreet aids - I’d suggested having them built into the earpieces of his glasses but he opted for more conventional ones.
And he never looked back.

A word of caution , hearing aids are great , I wear two , but they don’t help in large gatherings !
I still need face to face conversation when I’m in a crowd , ok in small gatherings .
What I mean is , don’t build up your expectations , it also takes a bit of getting used to having something in your ears ! I sometimes have to take mine out or switch off for a rest

If your father decides to have hearing aids, he should get the most expensive he can afford, because some of the cheaper ones amplify ambient sounds too. Digital ones sound good. If he remains stubborn, refuse to shout for him to hear you.