My granddaughter said she hates me

'I called social services in, and they sorted everything out and arranged shared care, and they said that they couldn't do anything about weed because it isn't an offence to smoke it...'
Cannabis is illegal in the UK. I would be very concerned about someone from Social Services who says it isn't.

A 5 year old can't be expected to understand the consequences of her words. All kids shout I hate you at their parents at one time or other usually when denied something they want. Surely unconditional love is what these children need. I would have a chat with her next time you see them and explain that Nanny was very upset when she got that message and wouldn't like to receive any more messages like that. She must have witnessed something similar either by her parents or sister.

oh well, that explains it .

ElaineI

Sorry but this is a weird kind of wind up. No one ever would give a 5 yo a mobile! Can't read bit can use snapchat! She is 5 and keeping up with her big sister who is 3?????????

Her big sister is 8

Sorry but this is a weird kind of wind up. No one ever would give a 5 yo a mobile! Can't read bit can use snapchat! She is 5 and keeping up with her big sister who is 3?????????

Those poor kids, every adult around them is failing them.

You failed your son and now you repeat the same mistakes with those poor children.

I cannot believe you are worried she said she hates you, as if this is about you.

These kids dont have a chance unless somebody steps up and behave like real grounded adults.

Nanaof2

Thanks for all your replies, and unfortunately it's not a wind up, just to clarify my son and his gf don't smoke weed for the 3 days a week they have my granddaughters, their mum can't cope all the time hence shared care, I give the kids so much because I don't want them missing out on anything. The mobile phone was her mum's doing originally not mine and I was surprised about Snapchat also but her bigger sister who is 8 has it so nothing I can do about it. I had my 5 yr old gd staying with me every weekend for the first 3 years of her life, and she was my 1st grandchild so there's always something special for your 1st, I come from a very big family and there wasn't alot of spare money for luxuries all year round, and I think this is why I give so much.

“Their mum cant cope”....you mean how dare she expect your son to pull his weight?

I can’t believe you are having a tantrum over what a child said to you.

....normally my advance would be to stop spoiling them and actually parent when you have them, but by blocking a child after first spoiling the child in all senses of the word, I struggle to know if you are the adult.

I am sorry things are going so badly right now. I do question blocking the children. They are very young and probably change feelings quickly. If you have chosen to provide all the "goodies" for them, they may have come to view you more like Father Christmas than Nana. Your depression may be a stumbling block too. Maybe a single visit with a therapist could help sort things out in making the right decisions for you and the GC.

This must be a joke. Stop buying the kids everything. Stop all of that rubbish. Are you trying to buy their love? Cut them off. You can be a regular granny...make them meals and cuddles. I'd get that phone back and crack it on the cement. The gravy train ends.

Sorry, this may sound harsh, but you have created a "monster"!

I can understand helping with childcare and ensuring the grandchildren have enough to eat, shoes on their feet and clothes on their backs; but buying them everything they want, toys every week and a mobile phone for a 5 year old astounds me.

If your son and the children's mother are spending all their money on weed, I would have contacted Children's services long ago, family or not! These children are his responsibility, all you are doing is effectively feeding his habit by allowing the present situation to continue. There's no doubt about it, he is neglecting his children!

agree with outside dave.
by paying for the children's food you are infantilising their father. you are letting him continue wasting his money on illegal drugs. that money should be used for the children's food. if he refuses to parent properly he should not have custody of the children. it is not good enough that the children like being with him; that is a necessary but not sufficient condition for child welfare and custody. they would probably like being with someone who fed them sweets all day....
also you say your partner goes shopping, but has emphysema and is disabled enough to need a mobility scooter. is that not very risky. surely a person with emphysema ought to be shielding, away from shops and other people.
i really don't know what to make of your posts.
i am not convinced they are entirely genuine.

If you don’t stop the indulging
You’ll be back here in another 15 years talking about your greatgrandchilds mistreatment of you. You indulged her father, you’ve indulged her, and now you have two generations of toxic relationships. You should cut off all gifts, babysit as needed, and if you fund anything it’s parenting classes for your son and therapy for his children.

Two things in your story stand out, and to me, they are more concerning than your Grandchild having a tantrum -

Your son and his partner "spend all their money on weed". Do they go to work? Are they fit to look after the children really, if they don't provide proper food and care?

Your 5 year old grandchild has got a mobile? 5?!

I think you should have a real talk to the couple and tell them to buck their ideas up or else.

Nanaof2 if both your GDs are using Snapchat at 5 and 8 they are at risk. The age for using it is 13 years and it is impossible to set up an account for such young children so someone must have set it up for them using fake birthdates. I suggest you warn social services again, or tell your DS to remove them from the site. It's bad enough at 5 &8 that they have phones. If there is no money for food who is paying for them? They are not free to use.

Sorry but in the first post you said you give your son money for food because, quote him and his new partner spend all their money on weed and then in a subsequent post you justify it by saying * Social services say that I would be surprised at the amount of young parents who take drugs far worse than weed but that's modern times* .
It’s amazing that your son smokes all his money away on weed but you never see or smell it and you are confident he doesn’t do it round the children ( I dont share that confidence) so here’s a few questions
Why isn’t he working ?
Why are you supporting him ?
Do you realise you are an enabler ?
Ask yourself why you are feeding and clothing his children while he smokes his money away on weed
Does his ex smoke weed too.?
I completely disagree that most young parents smoke weed many don’t, many work hard to feed their own children

I think they are a lot more worries in this case than a petulant 5 year old saying ‘I hate you‘ which most 5 year olds do at some point

You are not coming across as exceptionally grounded.
You are going to leave a public, open and well used forum because younger people are on here?
Do you not remember your registration? Did they ask for your age or any of your details?

I may not have grown children and you may have more experience but it does not make you better. And I’m more and more sure of that the more you post.

Katyj, thank you.

Bobbitt, oh right I won't come on here anymore then because at 28 you won't have had much experience with children as I have I have been around kids of all ages since I was 11. I was looking for older people's take on my problem as if to see what my own mum would've said. No offence intended.

ExD, no I don't get any help and I have been waiting for help with my mental health issues for 8 years, we live in a poverty area and the resources are over stretched I'm always told. I don't go out I was last out in January, my partner has a mobility scooter as he has emphysema so he gets shopping in and my son used to get me other stuff in.

Yes. I am and it’s an open forum that is available to all.

Ocean mama, I totally agree she should've apologised but she doesn't because she refuses.

So sorry this is happening. But now is not the time to back off , you have to be the adult here those little girls need you . You’ve been the constant in their life so far. Tell her the words she used have consequences and how much they hurt you . Keep showing them right from wrong. Good luck.

MN? You're 28 thought this was for grabs?

Time2go2016
Why would you even call any child a brat? Spoilt fair enough but I take exception to the brat part, and what's the point of me and my son doing stuff to teach her when she goes back home and is allowed to misbehave.

I’m 28.
So you can’t call me old or out of touch. Go on MN and try and tell them that your sons parenting is modern.

It’s not. It’s neglectful and lazy.