Hi. I’m new here and I need advice from some grandmothers regarding my situation.
I’m 33 years old and I live with my boyfriend. We’re not married and I got divorced from my first husband and for the moment I’m not planning on remarrying. I never had children. My current boyfriend told me that he wanted a baby with me the first year we lived together. He was persistent about it. I never even mentioned kids but he mentioned it first and I thought why not? I’m at a good age for a baby but for some reason I never got pregnant. One day my mom asked if my boyfriend and I were thinking about having a baby and I said that we were already trying. I wanted to keep it a secret but I think I made a BIG mistake by telling my mom. Now she’s obsessed about having a grandchild from me. She already has a granddaughter and grandson from my brother, so it’s not like she’s never been a grandma. I noticed she’s desperate for me to become a mom and give her a grandchild.
I started going to doctors appointments since I couldn’t get pregnant. My mom has always been on top of me, she’s pushy and wants me to tell her everything. I can’t keep anything to myself. It’s frustrating sometimes.
Well, for some reason my boyfriend suddenly stopped talking about a future baby. Now he’s uninterested, avoids the subject, and doesn’t cooperate in getting checked with the doctor himself since the doctor told me he needed to also get checked. I don’t want to obligate him to have a child with me. I don’t know why he changed his mind but it could be because, as a couple, we argue a lot so our relationship is not 100% stable. Also, he already has 2 sons from a previous relationship that demand a lot from him. They are adults (ages 17 and 22) but my boyfriend treats them like kids by giving them money instead of teaching them to work and act like responsible adults. I don’t really like his parenting skills. I mentioned to my mom that his sons are spoiled and lazy and she STILL wants me to get pregnant anyway. She’s somehow delusional. She thinks a baby will bring happiness to my life. And I know raising a child is not easy.
My doctor sent me to a fertility clinic but I don’t want to continue wasting my time going to the doctor by myself if my boyfriend is not sure about having a child and doesn’t get involved. What’s the point of going by myself?? To please my mom?? All she has been doing is talk about me getting pregnant and she has even told me that she has dreams about me having babies. That’s how much she desires a baby. How will I tell her that I don’t know if I’ll have a baby anymore? She will be devastated because I told her I was having one but I didn’t know my boyfriend was going to change his mind and I don’t want my mom to resent me and him. I do love my boyfriend and I have to think hard if I’m going to stay with him but my mom being pushy with a grandchild doesn’t help.
How should I tell my mom that things have changed in a way that she can understand??? I hate telling her that my boyfriend changed his mind because she might hate him but I feel like I have no choice. Since I told her I was planning on having a baby now I have to tell her the truth about what’s happening. I hope she’s still not delusional Help me!!!
