Mother/Daughter/Gran dchild relationship issues

A first baby is such a shock to the system

Truer words have not been spoken ?
I have 3. People asked me what was harder going from 1-2 children or 2-3 Children and I say hand on heart 0-1 Nothing prepared me for motherhood.

Gosh, how difficult for you. Was wondering, if your daughter lives nearby, could you perhaps do regular very short visits? I mean distance respected, of course, but perhaps it would give you both something to look forward to. I emphasise the short so that neither of you is overwhelmed.

Congratulations on becoming a Gran. You don’t mention if the baby’s father is on the scene. If he is, could you have a quiet chat with him, and ask if she is like that all the time, or just with you? I remember feeling very isolated when I had my first child. A husband working three shifts, so I had to try to keep the baby quiet while he slept. Also in a new area, with no backup from friends or family, and the coldest winter we had had for many years, in a poorly-heated house.
Looking back, I’m sure that I had post-natal depression. I knew nothing about babies, and I think that my nervousness probably made the baby more difficult.
If you think that she isn’t coping, I would try to contact her local care team, discreetly, and ask them to call.
I hope that things improve soon.

That you are aware of possibly saying the wrong thing is a good start I think . I would try to be encouraging and positive whenever possible . Admire how well the baby is progressing etc.

Would you/she be prepared to put out a message on a local internet site asking if anyone would like to join a zoom group for new/young mums?

There must be others in the same situation. Perhaps contact the local NCT branch to ask about zoom meetings. The first one seems a bit odd but fine now.

If she is breast feeding a counsellor might help. Sad that such a happy time is overshadowed. Does she have a partner who helps?

My daughter is the same .... twice in the last two weeks she’s been ‘going to come over’ and sit in the garden and talk...but twice she’s cancelled for vague reasons! She has extremely bad asthma and I believe her anxiety levels are higher than most at this time....your daughters new baby will be causing her great anxiety at this time ....as well as great joy...Let her set the pace....it shouldn’t be long now before she begins to feel a little more safe.... small steps and great big understanding are needed in your case, as with my daughter. Good luck.

Just be patient. I'd tell her how much you love her and that you are there for her. Tell her that she can count on you always. Share some of your own struggles with motherhood if she'll hear them. You just have to be present and mindful. She'll make it through.

Thank you all so much for your encouragement and kind understanding words. I can’t tell you how grateful I am and its really helped get things in perspective. For all those of you with your own similar problems I wish you all the best and let’s hope and pray this awful situation with Covid is over soon. Take care all!