Those of you with 'only' two older / adult sons, do you wish you had had more children?

I agree with sodapop. In my view it’s a mistake to have a child if both parents are not really keen. Nothing wrong with two sons, mone are wonderful !

Crystalball we all have regrets about things we have or haven't done in our lives. Sometimes it is just a question of balancing what we lose and what we gain when we decide to take a certain course. It occurs to me that if you decide not to have another child you will still have an emotional relationship with the embryos you have stored and perhaps you will need some grief counselling to cope with that. I'm not sure any of us however many children we have had can properly relate to that situation, there may be experts in that area who can help you more.

Be thankful for what you’ve got.
I know a few childless couples who would literally give their right arm to have 2 healthy children.
More children doesn’t = more happiness ( the opposite in some cases! ) I know it’s easy to imagine a ‘perfect life’ - but nothing is ever perfect so if I were you I wouldn’t risk a third child, especially at your age.

In my opinion, there are too many people on the planet so 2 would be the maximum but 1 would be even better if the world is to survive another millenia.

You are at a stepping stone in life with the little one being on the verge of starting school. If you had a third, then at this stage in his life you would probably be going through the same feelings when it was beginning to become independent again. I went through the same dilemma but my husband was adamant that we stuck to the two, as financially, to do our best for them, two was our limit. I'm 61 now and have 6 wonderful grandchildren from these two children. My life is totally fulfilled. Only you can decide, but you need to look many years ahead and decide where you see yourself then. Good luck with your decision.

I wanted two boys, close in age as I imagined that would make them closer to each other.

There's 19 months between them and are as different as chalk and cheese! They don't look anything like each other, have completely different hobbies and sets of friends Both in their early 40's now. Having said that they do get on and the youngest was best man to the eldest.

I've never regretted not having any more although occasionally I do wonder what a female version would have looked like!

Do you want a child, teenager, another son? Or do you want a baby, cute toddler, daughter? Do you want to satisfy something in you or do you want to hide from thinking of your future. Do you know you have to do something with your life but afraid to think of changes. I am the mother of 3 daughters. My twin sons were still born. Please understand that the mother daughter relationship is different to the daughter mother relationship. There comes a point, usually in early 40's when you have to asses your life. Having another child may not be the answer. Very best wishes.

Before I met my current husband 33 years ago I lost a son at 5 months old and had a daughter and another son ( my boys were twins) I was unsure about having another baby scared I guess, so talked it through with DH and we decided I would come off of the pill and if it was meant to be it would be- our DD is 31 now and my best friend. I was lucky it worked out for us. Not much help to you but I am glad I took the risk I hope you find a way and some peace x

I always wanted 3 sons and that is what I have but I wish sometimes that I had a 4th.
We have had the usual problems with wives,1 is now oK, 1 is about to marry a girl who we think is wrong and we know we will have problems with when they have a child and 1 son who we haven't seen for 7 years and never seen our grandchildren so it sometimes works out sometimes not but I do think that the larger the family the happier they all are as there is less expectations and they are all just get on with each other and there is little time for falling out.

Ask yourself how you would feel with 3 boys. You talk about a daughter but be honest with your feelings about a third boy.

I was one of 5 - too many IMO. We have 2 and never wanted more.
Three points in your post would give me concern. First -if you had problems already, would you be risking your own life and possibly leaving 2 or even 3 children without a mother and secondly-your husband is happy as things are-if anything went wrong, would it upset your relationship. Finally you mention worries that there might have been abnormalities in your second son. If your third child did have problems would you blame yourself?
If what you want is a daughter, is there any guarantee that you would get one?

I agree about counselling over what to do with the stored embryos as that seems to be at the root of the matter.
Good luck with your decision.

I have a daughter and two sons. When my youngest was approaching school age I had friends having babies and thought long and hard about having another child, but really I wanted another baby. I missed having a toddler at home especially as my youngest was so easy, but decided that three was the right size family for us. My lovely neighbour had a son and a daughter but wanted a third child, even though money was tight. He eventually agreed but was less than thrilled to find out she was having twins. Both girls were safely delivered followed by their brother. Best wishes with whatever you decide.

Hi Crystal Ball.

I have 6 children. I had 3 sons first, and they spent their entire childhood squabbling, no actually fighting, but they adored each other - it’s just a ‘boy thing‘ in some cases - testosterone! The trouble with 3 is that one is always left out!
I then had a daughter followed by twin girls (accident!)
My eldest son has 3 sons. He says he should have stopped at two. His wife continued to follow her career while he’s worked around the boys but he has definitely suffered career wise through this. One of my daughters has two boys (like you) and he keeps telling her not to have a third as it could spoil everything!
There is always one of my children having problems, marital, job, children, in-laws etc and at 68 my life is still full of problems. My eldest daughter has had 2 rounds of IVF which have both failed. She is a teacher and sees parents who - in her estimation - don’t deserve them - and so all I can say is that a child is not just for Christmas. It’s for life. Your life, your whole life.
There are joys that take your heart and soul soaring, and sadnesses that break your heart. My third son died in a RTA 10 years ago leaving a wife and 2 young children, who I never see now as they have a ‘new’ daddy and in-laws. My eldest daughter’s heart aches for a baby. My daughter with 2 boys would love a daughter but worries about the third one ruining the lovely life she and her husband and 2 boys currently enjoy. My son with 3 boys at 48 is saddened that his career opportunities were cut short due to the third son, and feels he has now ‘missed the boat’.
My second son had a disastrous marriage and although he has been living with and has 2 children with a lovely girl/lady is still married to the nasty one as he cant bring himself to go through divorce proceedings, especially as it would hurt his 2 daughters from that first marriage.
So hmmm - I think it’s down to you to decide, but whatever you decide go for it with absolute conviction and enthusiasm and don’t look back and do the ‘what if’ thing.
For me, my husband says ‘they’re adults now, leave them to get on with it’, but as a mother I’m not sure you ever can.

Whatever you decide though, embrace it, and good luck!

Well I have three, the third was a huge surprise nine years after the comfortable two.
I too was not very fertile however there I was and make no mistake it did upset the applecart! However on I went and it was the best ever thing I found that three was a much better number seemed to make a much fun family dynamic somehow.
To add to this I now during this pandemic appreciate more than ever “family “ and the importantnce that my children have their own.

Also, Trisher’s advice is spot on!

We had two children- a boy and a girl. We would have liked to have four but we realised we couldn’t afford them. Life in those days was tough enough for us. Three was never an option for us as we are both the middle One of three and have very strong feelings on the subject (I told my son off for having three). Once our youngest was at nursery I went back to studying and had a successful and enjoyable career in education. There is more to life than babies and children.

You mention non-sleeping babies. Our second was like that and though a young mother never sleeping properly nearly finished me off. Would be even worse twenty years older. Something else to think about.

I only have one son - living.
My first son was stillborn then I had a miscarriage followed thankfully by my son.
Would I have liked more? Yes I would have loved at least one more, but ex husband told me he didn't want to go through another pregnancy with me, left me for another woman, who went on to have 3 children!
I know that a lot of people will be saying "be happy with what you have got" but they are very often that have had no problem getting pregnant in the first place, so have no idea what it is like to yearn for a child!
Unfortunately, the plans that we make in our heads in practice don't match what we think once that plan comes to fruition!
As far as lack of support for you right now, reach out to friends - having children is a great introduction to other parents that you can compare notes with and help each other out with, be it babysitting, medical problems etc - many parents these days have no parents of their own for support, be it because of distance or because their parents have passed away. Families no longer even live in the same town or village and are literally spread worldwide but somehow they cope with that!
I am one of 4. I am the only one living in the same place that I grew up in - the rest of my siblings and their families live between 30 minutes and 4 hours away. We make a point of keeping in touch via social media and also making a point of meeting up at least twice a year - we have a family barbecue twice a year on what would have been our parent's birthdays in December (yes we still have a barbie) and August. It takes a bit of work and effort in the mean time to keep in touch, but it works for us. Our parents made a point from when we one by one flew the nest to invite us all round to their home several times of year (my mum often cooked a roast for up to 15 people) That's what works for us!
As far as having a third child - I think you need to give yourself a bit of breathing space and spend time as a family, just enjoying the time with them. Maybe having counselling with your husband will help you to make a choice over your remaining eggs, and just remember that nothing is final at the moment!

I agree that your embryos are a mixed blessing - it must be like having two babies on the go whom you will never see, and I can understand that this must loom large in your mind.

I had two girls and then another girl when the older two were 6 and 8. It was right for us - the little one effectively had 3 mums, as they loved helping to look after her. And no, I was not disappointed not to have a boy!

The difference for us was that my OH was 100% on board; and that my income was not essential to keep the home afloat.

If the thought of having another is taking up a lot of brain and emotion space, it is possible to stop enjoying the two lovely children you already have, and that is the absolute priority.

We all look back and regret decisions we made in all areas of our lives, so you cannot wholly prevent that. I would say that unless you are both totally on board with the idea of a third then stick with the lovely boys that you already have.

Had my first at 41 and my second, a surprise, at 45. Now, at mid 60s I am torn as I'd have loved to have more babies at the time and more adult children now, but as my youngest has significant medical issues and lives at home needing a fair amount of support, I'm probably relieved I didn't have more. The positive is that we get on well, he takes care of all my IT and a lot of the financial stuff; the negative is that I'm limited in terms of what I can do, I don't travel or go out a lot as he needs me around. If I'd had more children I think would have been too busy to enjoy them all as much as I have and would have started to feel financially stretched and unable to meet all their needs. Personally I'd sat to the OP, enjoy what you have.

Good morning. I don't wish I had more children. My reasons are below. Please remember, these are my opinions only.

I have 3 children and worries about them are already enough thanks! I remember my Nanny at 82 saying she still worried about her children.

I also feel very strongly about population control. This will sound hypocritical from someone with 3 children, but the realisation about the dire future for our Planet if we continue to pile on the numbers has hit me during my 50s and 60s. I cannot of course say I have any regrets about my 3, which is 1 over simply replacing myself and my husband, but huge families really scare me, not for my life particularly but for my children's and their children's futures.

In terms of world population, some cultures encourage large families but, here in the U.K. and in what is seen as first world countries with all our advantages, it seems totally selfish for us (and to be frank, anyone), to start shouting "rights" over "responsibility".

As I said, these are my own opinions.

Finally, in direct answer to the main topic, our daughter has 3 children (and had, like me, a miscarriage after the first). She now has a son and twin daughters, all IVF. The miscarriage was a natural pregnancy. The twins were the product of a single egg, which divided some time after the implant.

They have made us so proud because they had a spare embryo in storage, and they have decided to donate this little creature so that another couple somewhere may have a chance to have a child (and, who knows, another divider for twins!). Part of me feels a bit sad and anxious about this embryo if it takes: will it have a good life and I keep thinking about another grandchild out there somewhere. Maybe he or she will come looking for its maker family one day.

I'm sure you will make the right decision for you and your family. My thoughts above are my own only. Nobody can advise you.

I had two boys but had always wanted three children. However, a very long second labour put me off. An unplanned third pregnancy (which my husband really really didn’t want) resulted in a third son at the age of 38. I had to have amniocentesis tests and all the waiting and worry of that, wondering what I would do if the foetus had abnormalities. He was a very difficult baby and toddler and I found it all so much harder in my late 30s. I feel my two older sons missed out on a lot of my attention due to my having to spend so much time and energy on the youngest. The two eldest are very close, although all three get on okay. I know nothing about frozen embryos at all, but if their existence is effectively ‘burning a hole in your pocket’ as it were, could they be donated to someone else? A difficult one for you. I hope you do what’s best for all of you

I have two children, one boy and a girl. They are both adults now and I’m close to both of them. I know that I desperately wanted more but the decision was taken out of my hands when my now ex husband went ahead and had the snip even though I had asked him not to. He was older than me and had decided he didn’t want more and it wasn’t up for discussion. I managed 20 years of marriage but when the children were older I asked for a divorce because of his controlling behaviour and coldness. 12 years on I am alone, I have never met anyone else. I still wish I had had another baby or two, I remember at the time wondering how does anyone decide to stop having children but this I now realise was because of my ‘need’ at that time. Although I still occasionally think it would have been lovely I accept it was just not meant to be. I have two wonderful children and very grateful for them. Not sure if it helps though

I have three children - I wouldn't change that for the world, but the third did bring a level of chaos into my life that the first two didn't - and there are practical considerations as well, like house and car size.
As some other posters have said, you might benefit from counselling from someone who isn't emotionally involved.
Also, 43 is in no way too late to retrain for another career, you have a long way to retirement and maturity is a huge benefit in the professions you're looking at.

I have two sons conceived naturally. I wanted a third as both were such good babies. My GP at the time asked me why? I had two healthy children and due to having Rhesus antibodies could possibly find having any more difficult. He said be happy with what you have and I always remember that. I did fall pregnant again but miscarried. Whilst I see your dilemma and the urge for more children I think you have to weigh up everything, literally everything. It may be, as my GP at the time told me - Be happy with what you have. Good luck with whatever you choose,