She probably doesn’t know how to refuse it without hurting your eelings.
If she had wanted it you would have heard by return.
I bought 50 white wire coathangers for 9.99...lifechanger!!
Father's Day Sunday — nobody makes cards for this type of dad
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At the beginning of lockdown, and doing a big tidy up, I came across the art materials box my parents had given me, when I went to art school in 1960. It is wooden, bit battered but still very serviceable. My eldest GD is going down the ‘art’ route, so I wrote to her and asked her if she would like the box. I sent photographs. I also said that I realised it might not be to her taste but to let me know yes or no. I have heard nothing from her. Not even a ‘Thank you but no thank you Grandma’. DH says to just leave it, but I am so disappointed that she has not bothered to reply. What would you do?
She probably doesn’t know how to refuse it without hurting your eelings.
If she had wanted it you would have heard by return.
Calling another person spoilt because you don't get the outcome you want is childish and immature.
Who is really the spoilt one?
Youngsters today are very spoilt. Probably couldn't' tolerate the idea of anything second hand is more likely. Everything has to be brand spanking new and expensive. Parents only have themselves to blame for this attitude. Manners too.
I dont get sentimental about "things" and have no concerns about my stuff ending up in charity shops or the tip .Just because I like them doesn't mean my GC should and I wouldn't expect them to want things that are 50 years old just because I once used it.
My GD's have all earmarked what jewellery they want but they are still young and no doubt that will change.I know a girl who was really anoyed her granny left her emerald jewellery because "she knew I didn't like green".So whats important to you will have no significance to others.
I have nothing of my mothers.she wanted me to have her wedding ring,I immediately passed it to my older sister ,I have only my fathers old bank card with his signature on the back ..its the signature thats important .Things are just THINGS ....
I would just text and say it’s up to you if you want it or not I won’t be offended if you don’t. If I don’t hear from you I’ll take that as a no.
BBbevan, I have noticed this trend too (just not bothering to reply to communications) I wondered if it was just me being 'out of touch' with modern ways. It is so frustrating though. I had to deal with what was left of my parents household goods (after my SIL had taken what she wanted) I diligently photographed all the items that were still in extremely good condition and still currently useful that might have made appropriate memories for their grandchildren, all of whom knew them well. Did anyone bother to reply - no. I had one enquiry from a niece wanting some 'nice, good quality' jewellry. This was not on offer having been dealt with in the will which was known about. Even so, it didnt stop her and her mother making several requests for jewellry only. (I should point our that they had already raided mums vintage jewellry during a visit when mum wasnt really 'with it'. When dad realised he was livid.) Now I have realised I need to de clutter and will be emptying the boxes of 'stuff' from my parents that has lain carefully wrapped in several large lidded boxes for over 8 years. I had to transport it all when I moved and Ive decided enough is enough. But how sad. I can remember offering my adult children many things over recent years and having to ask, remind and ask again "please just say yes or no". The silence is deafening at times.
I don't understand why you are so keen to give your daughter this box; she clearly doesn't want it, (rude not to say so ) but I don't think it would appeal to many teenagers.
Keep it and use it; art courses spring up all over the place, and if you went to art school, why not start one yourself?
Maybe I'm dim but I don't think Quizqueen was being rude.
When I did art at school, my Dad gave me a beautiful metal box full of watercolour paints and brushes. He made a nameplate for it with my full name on it. I loved it and used it for years at school and later for evening classes. My granddaughter is very artistic so I gave her the box, and she seemed grateful. But then, I was there in person to give it to her.
Leave it - she’s a teenager!!
I think alot of young people are ungrateful with a sense of entitlement and feel the world owes them a living. She has displayed disgusting ingratitude.
If I were you, I'd use it myself!! Is it watercolour, oils or acrylics? I haven't used oils for quite a few years, they've probably all dried up. Yes, there are a lot of "new' and 'improved' items on the market, but a basic set should be welcomed.
these days kids want everything new. isnt there an art class in your community...?
I suspect that she is at the age when she will just see it as old and maybe out of date and a bit tatty. She won't want it now, but is probably too embarrassed to say so as she knows you will be disappointed and doesn't want to hurt or upset you. 14 can be an uncomfortable age. BUT, if she does take up art, in the years to come , she will love and cherish that box ( just watch the Repair Shop on BBC). So keep it for when she is older. Maybe even leave it to her in your will. Please don't throw it away because a child is too young to appreciate it.
Don’t be upset. Think back to how you might have hurt someone’s feelings as a young person. I cringe when I think about how ungrateful I was as a girl. She’ll learn when she’s a mother/ grandmother. It’s a different world now to the one we knew as youngsters. I realised after starting to write my memoir that a lot of my resentments at the way others treat me is because of my fear of rejection, and also the upsurge of feelings from my childhood, when I totally lacked self esteem. Let it go, and my good wishes for your relationship with your granddaughter.
Agree that not answering is a bit thoughtless, but I'd just move on. Keep, use it, or donate elsewhere. If the thing is it means something to you, use it or preserve it in some nice way - but do not get hung up and judgemental about GD. We think of them more than they think of us - 'twas ever thus.
I think it’s the way of things these days. Last year I gave a handmade card and a present to a new mum. I never got a thank you. And recently a young couple in the church were getting married so I popped a card and a gift card through the door. I ve never heard a word. There were no guests at the wedding due to COVID so no one could go to watch. I keep saying I will stop giving to people but I know I won’t!
send text saying as you've not heard back your giving it away !
Personally I would hang onto it until she actually starts her course as many students do not know if they will be doing online classes or attending classes away from home yet. She may be worried about storage space/ transporting it, or maybe she doesn't actually know what modules she will be doing in her first year. Once she has started and know what she needs you could remind her and say that you are thinking of selling it on Gumtree/giving it to a charity if she doesn't have a use for it.
My DGC are quite good at replying, but if I’m offering something to them or asking something, just in case they forget, I usually add “If I don’t hear from you I’ll take it the answer’s No.”
Saves me a lot of hassle!
It’s not top of her to do list and wouldn’t be important to her. So she’s forgotten about it. Give it to the charity shop..
Hi, because this is ‘outstanding’ and unresolved, so praying on your mind, I would try to settle it. Online communication would be better but if that isn’t your thing, I’d write again....maybe a little note card or something...saying you hope she is ok and as she wasn’t able to let you know, you’re about to find another home for the art equipment. If you don’t hear from her in the next week or so, you’ll assume she doesn’t want it...and you understand...Some might say this is too much when she’s behaved the way she has but you don’t know what’s going through her mind, or how life is for her personally....on top of which young people can be difficult without realising it...and I’m sure you love her whatever. I would reach out again and as hurtful as it is, not expect a reply.
I would just Whatsapp her a message asking if she’d decided or not and that you wouldn’t be offended if she didn’t want it. Just let her know that you need to know as you d like to give it to a charity shop if she doesn’t want it.
I would get rid of it and if she asks for it say, "Oh, I gave it to the charity shop when you didn't reply whether you wanted it or not. I had to get on with my spring-cleaning."
That might teach her to make up her mind quicker next time.
People generally seem less inclined to acknowledge receipt of a message. It may partly be due to Facebook messenger where one's profile picture serves as an acknowledgement that one's message has been seen so that there is no need for the recipient to lift a finger.... I have to tell myself, each time this happens, that the recipient probably accessed the message by phone when in a situ where they couldn't respond and then forgot.... It's hard to convince myself of that sometimes, though, when I need a response. It was a wee while before I realised that accessing messages by mobile can mean that people often don't see the whole message if it is more than one sentence. I then learned to put the key elements in the last sentence....
Some of the things we think they would like and be useful just are not I am afraid. It is just how it is. Your GD may not know how to say to you that she does not want it and does not want to hurt your feelings. I would leave it for now, put the box away somewhere for the time being and if she asks for it, then you can give it to her.
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