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Nanny or Grandma

(190 Posts)
CrochetJo Sun 09-Aug-20 07:27:31

When my 18 year Daughter became pregnant I asked if I could be known as Nanny (her partner’s Mum is fine with being called Grandma) but my Daughter quite nastily said ‘I’m not calling you that’ and has flatly refused to say the word since. I let her boyfriend move in with us so they could bring up their Daughter together and have welcomed his parents into our home, but in the 5 days since my Granddaughter has been born I’ve heard them call my Husband and her partner’s Dad ‘Grandad’ and his Mum as ‘Grandma’ but nothing towards me. I spent most of yesterday secretly crying because I’m upset that my Granddaughter won’t know what my relationship is to her. Am I right to be upset?

Saggi Sun 09-Aug-20 12:01:56

When my daughter was expecting her MIL immediately claimed Nana..... which to be honest is the ‘handle ‘ I wanted! But as she only had couple years to live, I bowed to it. I was Nanny when they were little , and now at 13 and 8 I’m Nan. As I’m still alive and ‘Nana ‘ isn’t , I couldn’t give a ‘tinkers cuss’ what they call me. Neither should you. You’re here, breathing and enjoying your gorgeous grandchild....be thankful !

sodapop Sun 09-Aug-20 11:59:18

gringrin BlueBelle

CrochetJo Sun 09-Aug-20 11:58:35

Rocknroll5me

I think you are rightly upset at your daughter’s rudeness to you. They are infuriating. Ask her what she would like to call you to her child. She won’t say ‘nothing’.

Rocknroll5me finally someone who totally understands, I could high five you!
My Daughter was very rude when she said it to me, I put it down to teenage stroppiness, when I asked her what she would like be to called and she hasn’t suggested anything so I’m lumbered with no name, and it hasn’t been in the 5 days since the baby has been born it’s been since we found out she was pregnant.

BlueBelle Sun 09-Aug-20 11:52:58

jannea how do we know you’re not an old goat you might be an old grandma goat judging by that comment ???
Use what ever title you want and stop stressing over it

NemosMum Sun 09-Aug-20 11:51:06

As Georgesgran above. Perhaps the baby will settle the issue when she starts to vocalise. I was a first grandchild and my first attempts at "Grandma" were "Mama" (rhymes with llama). So Grandma, who was very 'proper', became Mama, and was known as that by ALL the family for the rest of her long life (lived to be 100). What's in a name? It's the relationship that matters!

cupcake1 Sun 09-Aug-20 11:49:15

I am nannie to 3 nan to 1 and nanna to 2 and I love it. I always envisage granny /grandma as those from the Victorian era plus I had 2 wonderful nans myself. Each to their own and I certainly would not be rude about what other grandparents choose to be called unlike some other posters on here.

Georgesgran Sun 09-Aug-20 11:43:21

My Grandson is struggling to talk and at 3 next month, he has limited vocabulary. He shouts Gaaarrrr at me, but it means the World to hear and don’t mind staying Gaaarrr either. X

BibiSarah Sun 09-Aug-20 11:35:26

I’m Nana to all of my grandchildren who are old enough to speak and I’ll be Nana to the latest one as well unless he comes up with something else. I’m also Nana to other children in the family because of the way things are done here.

I’m very happy to be Nana as that’s what my mum and grandma were. They were fabulous at it and if I’m half as good at is as they were I’ll be happy.

CrochetJo Sun 09-Aug-20 11:34:59

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bigmama1960 Sun 09-Aug-20 11:28:16

I was called Nanny by my 1st Granddaughter, used by her mum. My other daughters girls call me Nana, encouraged by her as she hated Nanny, I said I preferred Nanny but she insisted. As soon as her eldest called me Nana it was music to my ears. When I was a child I called mine both Grandma so never got them confused as my eldest Granddaughter does sometimes.

Caro57 Sun 09-Aug-20 11:25:48

How about askIng DD what she would like you to be known as?
However my DD made a big thing of sorting out what everyone - there are 2nd marriages - in the grandparent generation. I was to be ‘granny’...........in due course DGD came up With Gangan, so hey ho!!

CrochetJo Sun 09-Aug-20 11:23:15

annehinckley

This won't help, but it might amuse you. My children named their grandmothers 'Granny Cat' and 'Granny Dog'.

That’s funny, when they were little my Son nicknamed us as future Grandparents as NannyKnitKnit and Grumpy Grandad, so that’s why the nickname stuck, my Daughter introduced her baby to my Husband as Grumpy Grandad (its only a joke because he ‘s not grump) but me as nothing

Aepgirl Sun 09-Aug-20 11:21:17

It’s got nothing to do with ‘class’ Grandma70s. My mother was very working class - school cleaner, shop cleaner, etc, but her grandchildren always called her ‘nanny’, just as my grandson calls me ‘nanny’ (but spelt ‘nannie’).
What’s in a name anyway? It’s how they treat you that matters.

MissAdventure Sun 09-Aug-20 11:19:47

Oops! with half a brain smile

biba70 Sun 09-Aug-20 11:19:32

Proud to be a granny.

Patticake123 Sun 09-Aug-20 11:19:21

Every time you pick the baby up, you say “hello sweetheart, who’s Nanny’s best girl then!” Or words to that effect, she’ll soon learn!,,,

MissAdventure Sun 09-Aug-20 11:18:35

I think it's fairly obvious to people -- with half a brain-- that nanny isn't referring to a goat.

Janeea Sun 09-Aug-20 11:17:01

Underlying issues I would guess but I absolutely refused to be called Nanny, I am not a goat!

Grandma70s Sun 09-Aug-20 11:15:39

When my first grandchild was born my DIL’s mother collared me and asked if I wanted to be Granny or Grandma. I honestly didn’t mind (neither did she), but chose Grandma because I preferred my own grandma to my granny.

CrochetJo Sun 09-Aug-20 11:13:37

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Apricity Sun 09-Aug-20 11:13:29

Just ask your daughter what she would like to call you. There are no rules and hierarchies any more. Just discuss it with your daughter and her partner and agree on a name. It could be quite whimsical and not traditional. The most important thing is that you are a part of your little one's life.

annehinckley Sun 09-Aug-20 11:12:56

This won't help, but it might amuse you. My children named their grandmothers 'Granny Cat' and 'Granny Dog'.

Traceyac Sun 09-Aug-20 11:11:48

I'm a step grandma and my GD calls me gama tracey as she has other grandparents does it matter what they call you as long as they are loved and safe

Greta8 Sun 09-Aug-20 11:09:31

I'm Granny, which I love and chose, with my daughter's blessing (the same as my Mum was to her). The other two are both Nana and then their name. I can understand your upset, maybe discuss some alternatives with your daughter when things have settled down a bit. Personally, sorry - I have to say Nanny is not something I would ever chose to be called.

Congratulations on your beautiful granddaughter, that's the main joy to focus on.

GoldenAge Sun 09-Aug-20 11:07:03

Why can’t you also be grandma and grandad? And if you’re all in the same room just add your name - ie grandma Jane, grandad Jack - that’s by far the best way as then your go grows up knowing that you are all her grandparents in equal right etc.