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Nanny or Grandma

(189 Posts)
CrochetJo Sun 09-Aug-20 07:27:31

When my 18 year Daughter became pregnant I asked if I could be known as Nanny (her partner’s Mum is fine with being called Grandma) but my Daughter quite nastily said ‘I’m not calling you that’ and has flatly refused to say the word since. I let her boyfriend move in with us so they could bring up their Daughter together and have welcomed his parents into our home, but in the 5 days since my Granddaughter has been born I’ve heard them call my Husband and her partner’s Dad ‘Grandad’ and his Mum as ‘Grandma’ but nothing towards me. I spent most of yesterday secretly crying because I’m upset that my Granddaughter won’t know what my relationship is to her. Am I right to be upset?

jenpax Sun 09-Aug-20 07:32:58

It’s a bit early to be getting upset by this to be honest, baby is less than a week old! Let things settle down and see how it goes. Your DD is very young and was pregnant/ hormonal when you discussed this so I would give her some time to adjust to being a mum!

tanith Sun 09-Aug-20 07:34:22

It matters not what ‘name’ they call you, you’ll develop your own relationship with her and a ‘title/name will evolve naturally I’m sure. My lot call me Nanny,Grandma and a new name for my GrtGC they are now calling me Gaga I don’t care what they call me as long as they call me.
Just enjoy your new GD and don’t fret about this.

Urmstongran Sun 09-Aug-20 07:42:17

Storm in a teacup. Sounds like underlying issues at play here anyway.

kittylester Sun 09-Aug-20 07:48:03

Welcome to gn if you are new.

CrochetJo Sun 09-Aug-20 07:53:16

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CrochetJo Sun 09-Aug-20 07:54:11

Thank you Kittylester, I am new

cornergran Sun 09-Aug-20 08:00:18

Let things settle, crochetjo, I can understand you feeling upset but very early days yet. Tanith is right. Your relationship with your granddaughter won’t be dependent on a name. What did your daughter call her grandmother(s)? Could it be as simple as her not liking ‘nanny’ for some reason? Or alternatively wanting to keep the term for them? Try to relax about it, time will sort this one I’m sure. Congratulations on becoming a grandparent, please don’t let this spoil things.

Goodbyetoallthat Sun 09-Aug-20 08:12:58

I agree with previous posters it is very early days & your "name" will evolve when your granddaughter starts speaking.
It was intended that I would be called nanny however my 3 year old granddaughter calls me " nanno" with a heavy emphasis on the "o" which tends to sound rather disapproving!!🙄. Don't let it spoil things.

CrochetJo Sun 09-Aug-20 08:20:56

Thank you for this cornergran. Although I understand it’s early days since the baby was born it’s been months since she’s been saying ‘I’m not calling you that’, and I have been excited about hearing the words ‘this is your Nanny’.
My Daughter only ever had one living Grandmother which is on my side, although not close (she handed custody of me to my Dad when I was little) she was ‘Nanna’ but my children haven’t had a proper relationship with her so she didn’t want that phrased used.

Jaxjacky Sun 09-Aug-20 08:25:43

My mother always hated nanny, she said a nanny is hired help!! She was Grandma, as am I.

Grandma70s Sun 09-Aug-20 08:30:38

Unfortunately it is a social indicator. To the middle and upper classes, a nanny/nana is, as Jaxjacky’s mother said, a hired help/ nursemaid. It’s not a word for grandmother.

CrochetJo Sun 09-Aug-20 08:43:34

Jaxjacky my late stepmum she hated Nanna or Granny she liked Nan

Maggiemaybe Sun 09-Aug-20 08:44:50

I only came on here out of interest to see how long it would be before we got the usual comments about Nanny and Nanna being a goat or the hired help.

I wonder if the people who say it actually mean to be so rude? grin

Lucca Sun 09-Aug-20 08:47:49

Wasn’t there another granny/grandma/nan thread just a couple of days ago......
Don’t pay any attention to the “social “ nonsense.

Goodbyetoallthat Sun 09-Aug-20 08:50:19

Gosh how quaint! I haven't heard the term nursemaid for years & I certainly would not be worried about " class connotations" as it is likely that your grandchild will take the lead in what you are called.

sodapop Sun 09-Aug-20 08:50:21

I disagree with the last two posters, their comments say a lot about them.

I have always been Nanny and it suits all of us. Don't get too hung up on this CrochetJo your name will evolve over time, enjoy your granddaughter, they grow up all too quickly.

CrochetJo Sun 09-Aug-20 08:51:31

I think the point I’m trying to make, but feel like I’m coming across as awkward, is that everyone has a right to be called what they’d like so why can’t I? I don’t care what my Granddaughter will end up calling me, but for now I’d like to be known as Nanny, but it was the way my Daughter flatly refused it but didn’t come up with another suggestion.
My Granddaughter’s can be shortened 2 different ways, so I asked my Daughter if she would like her to be called either of the 2 names or keep with the long original name (because my Daughter hates when people shorten her own name), she said long original name. This something I will stick to because it’s her choice.

Lucca Sun 09-Aug-20 08:57:46

sodapop

I disagree with the last two posters, their comments say a lot about them.

I have always been Nanny and it suits all of us. Don't get too hung up on this CrochetJo your name will evolve over time, enjoy your granddaughter, they grow up all too quickly.

Er....not me I hope !

CrochetJo Sun 09-Aug-20 08:59:59

Thank you sodapop, someone finally understands. For me the term Nanny came from part of a nickname my Son used to describe me as a future Grandmother, so it has a lot of funny memories behind it.

TrendyNannie6 Sun 09-Aug-20 09:00:00

Well I love the nanny nan nanna names, I couldn’t careless about middle and upper classes, I do understand what you are meaning crotchetjo that your daughter didn’t come up with another name, I wouldn’t worry to much. It’s early days yet, just enjoy your granddaughter,

gillybob Sun 09-Aug-20 09:00:31

I think it would be quite easy for you to choose for yourself CrothetJo (welcome to GN and congratulations on becomin* a grandma too) smile

What I would do in your position is to choose what name you would like to be known as and introduce it yourself.

For example .....if you pick the little one up for a cuddle say “come and give grandma/nanny/nana/nan a cuddle sweetie” or “come and let grandma change your nappy” or “grandma thinks your are a gorgeous baby” etc..... then you will start to feel comfortable with the name and your little granddaughter will become familiar hearing it too. Good luck .

kittylester Sun 09-Aug-20 09:00:51

We were to be called Grandma and Grandpa but our first child decreed otherwise and we are Ma and Pa.

Do dont worry about it.

gillybob Sun 09-Aug-20 09:03:21

We are Grandma and Grandad to our 4 grandchildren .

My DiL’s mum and dad are Nana and Granda to my sons 3 and my little Evie Buttons only has us .

GagaJo Sun 09-Aug-20 09:06:43

CrochetJo

I think the point I’m trying to make, but feel like I’m coming across as awkward, is that everyone has a right to be called what they’d like so why can’t I? I don’t care what my Granddaughter will end up calling me, but for now I’d like to be known as Nanny, but it was the way my Daughter flatly refused it but didn’t come up with another suggestion.
My Granddaughter’s can be shortened 2 different ways, so I asked my Daughter if she would like her to be called either of the 2 names or keep with the long original name (because my Daughter hates when people shorten her own name), she said long original name. This something I will stick to because it’s her choice.

I wanted to be called Granny. My GS calls me Gaga. I don't care, because he's my beloved grandchild and whatever he calls me is music to my ears.

Let it go. Shes his mum. Go along with what she wants. These first days after the baby should be lovely. Focus on the baby.