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Should I reward GD for exam results?

(85 Posts)
writergrandma Thu 13-Aug-20 11:56:48

My gd texted to say she is coming round with good news. This relates to her A level results. I am wondering whether or not I should give her some money. I have already said in the past I will contribute to her uni fees but feel like something for herself seems appropriate. What do other grans do? And I also want to give her a hug! I haven't given any hugs since March. I will be grateful for any comments.

J52 Thu 13-Aug-20 12:00:53

I would never promise a financial incentive in advance, but I would give some money towards a celebration with friends or towards something they were saving for.

Calendargirl Thu 13-Aug-20 12:04:10

Would you have given her money if her results were not good?

Years ago, some parents promised their child a bicycle, say, if they passed their 11+.

Did anyone get a bike if they went to the secondary modern?

Both my GC ‘passed’ their 11+, we told them well done, but we would be proud of you wherever you went. And that was it.

To me, it seems as if only the clever kids often get the rewards.

Kate1949 Thu 13-Aug-20 12:08:03

We always gave our GD a few pounds for good exam results. Why not? She appreciated it She worked hard and she deserved a little treat.

Kate1949 Thu 13-Aug-20 12:09:16

We never promised it in advance. We just gave her a little treat.

suziewoozie Thu 13-Aug-20 12:19:20

Of course you should give her some money along with a well done and a treat yourself. This cohort have had a hard time - it doesn’t make sense to compare with previous years. I’m
going to post a card and a tenner to next doors A level daughter regardless of her actual grades.

Doodledog Thu 13-Aug-20 12:27:23

I would give her some money and say 'here is £X to spend on something frivolous as you've been working so hard'.

As others have said, the clever ones get the reward of the good results, so it seems to me a double whammy for those who find exams difficult if rewards are also conditional on doing well.

I suppose it depends on whether you have other grandchildren, though. If she is the only one, then it's less important, as you won't be setting a precedent for the others to live up to, but if there are others, I'd consider how they might feel down the line.

As for the hug - don't tell anyone, but I'd be inclined to ask her if she'd like one, and if she would, go for it wink

Lucca Thu 13-Aug-20 12:31:48

I would not think twice about it ! I would either give her the money or see if you could go online together and order her something nice There and then

Galaxy Thu 13-Aug-20 12:32:19

I would give a gift or money whatever you prefer, I think it's good to say it's for working hard, presents based on grades make me uneasy. Suzie is right those facing exams have had a hard year.

Riverwalk Thu 13-Aug-20 12:34:11

Yes, I'd give a hug and £50 for her hard work - regardless of the results!

timetogo2016 Thu 13-Aug-20 12:34:22

I`m with J52 on this.

writergrandma Thu 13-Aug-20 12:38:19

Thank you for your suggestions. Thank you Doodledog for the smiley and hug suggestion. I have only ever written 1 post on here, years ago, so don't know, as yet, how to do that!

sodapop Thu 13-Aug-20 12:43:29

That's life though isn't it, success brings rewards or should it be its own reward?.

I have always rewarded my grandchildren whether it be for good results or putting in a lot of effort. If they have not tried or put in any effort then no reward. Life is tough out there.

Furret Thu 13-Aug-20 12:51:05

Of course you should reward her. Clever girl, you must be very proud x

annodomini Thu 13-Aug-20 13:11:56

My parents expected good results and it never entered their heads to reward us, even when we graduated from University. It was enough for us to know that we met our parents high expectations.

lemongrove Thu 13-Aug-20 13:21:25

We didn’t give our children presents for their excellent A level results, or on graduating from university.What we did do was to heap praise on them for not only their results but their efforts.Throwing money at children/ adults isn’t always the best way, warm affectionate words are better.

lemongrove Thu 13-Aug-20 13:22:15

... and hugging teenagers is out at the moment.

Maggiemaybe Thu 13-Aug-20 13:23:24

When mine are old enough they’ll be getting something from us just for doing their best, though I don’t doubt for a moment that they'll do brilliantly anyway. grin

I’m with Maureen Lipman in the BT ads when her grandson failed everything apart from Pottery and Sociology.

“Anthony, people will always need plates! And you got an ology? You’re a scientist!”.

GagaJo Thu 13-Aug-20 13:34:09

I think its good to recognise hard work. I was shocked once to see a friend's card to her son, congratulating him on passing all of his GCSEs. All of his grades were 4 and below (D-G).

If parents don't have higher expectations, children aren't going to strive. Just my own opinion. Not claiming this as fact!

Doodledog Thu 13-Aug-20 13:37:55

My expectations for my own children were that they did their best, not necessarily that they did brilliantly across the board.

One of my children was a lot more academic than the other, who is dyslexic and found studying difficult. I didn't reward the one who got good results and not the other - I rewarded both for trying, which I saw as a lot fairer.

writergrandma Thu 13-Aug-20 13:40:36

I am proud of her Furrett. Nothing was promised in advance. I just thought as she said she was coming round to tell me it would be a nice thing to do. Praise and warm words go without saying but money comes in handy!

Riverwalk Thu 13-Aug-20 13:54:56


I think its good to recognise hard work. I was shocked once to see a friend's card to her son, congratulating him on passing all of his GCSEs. All of his grades were 4 and below (D-G).

If parents don't have higher expectations, children aren't going to strive. Just my own opinion. Not claiming this as fact!

I'm surprised at you Gaga with this comment!

Unless you know that the son in question was a slacker, how do you know that he didn't work hard to achieve his modest results?

TrendyNannie6 Thu 13-Aug-20 13:55:50

Do as you feel is best for you op, our expectations for our own children when young was always try your hardest, we are very proud of you all regardless, as it happens two of them did well at school were academic and went to uni, the other two weren’t academic but all four have good jobs , so sometimes it’s not what they achieve at school or uni,

TrendyNannie6 Thu 13-Aug-20 13:57:25

Totally agree with you riverwalk

Grandma70s Thu 13-Aug-20 14:11:52

Nobody in our family has ever given rewards for good results. It wouldn’t even enter my head. We’re pleased and proud when things go well, and that’s enough.

I remember hearing about children who were promised bikes (it was usually bikes) for passing the 11 plus, and thinking it was unkind to give material rewards. What if they didn’t pass? No bike?