What's with the pressure to leave your child with the nans?

Are you planning to be a SAHM Abbie or are you thinking of going back to work?
It may be that your MiL thinks that if you are going back to work at some point, your little one might need to get used to being looked after by people other than you or your DH.
But it’s your call, absolutely. Grandparents don’t have ‘rights’ and you should never do anything you don’t feel comfortable with.

Thank you for all your comments, when shes here with the little one I'll go do the dishes or something ? I'd feel comfortable with babysitting when she is able to talk for herself and tell the mil what she wants, I'll still keep sticking to that

Your baby, your rules. Your MIL had her turn when she had her son.

I don't think it's a thing in real life that grandparents demand overnight stays or demand to be left alone with a new baby. There are maybe a minority of people who behave like that but not the majority. I think OP you have been unlucky and need to be firm, with your partner, that it is your child therefore your rules. Your partner should be on your side with this, if not, you have a partner problem. I look after my dgs two days a week and sometimes my dd and sil will visit at the weekend. I have never pushed to have dgs and I rarely give advice and only if asked. I keep thinking, "not my child". I am having dgs for a sleepover next Saturday to let his parents out for a meal but they asked if I would. So, in short, it's not a common occurrence, you and your husband need to be on the same page and stay firm. Disengage gently if they push too hard.

you are being too easy-going with this woman.
you are a parent now, she has no authority over you and you need to put your foot down.
how dare she pressurise you. just repel her. least said the better. don't engage or try to explain.
save your energy and attention for your baby.
i hope your husband has your back.

Just want to add that you have done SO well Abbie to have got to this point after suffering with post natal depression.
I hope your partner is supportive.

Just don't if you don't want to!

You want your baby with you but you are constantly under pressure - oh how I remember that!
I never gave "alone time" to grandparents till the children were old enough to want to go (4 ish).
I just said "thank you SO much for the offer, I'll let you know when we feel we are ready", or "you are SO kind to offer me a night off but really, at the moment I feel my happiest place is with my little one".

Feelings are hard to argue with. Say it with a smile!
Good luck.

I have noticed this too on some Mumsnet threads where GPs seem to want to have their GC on their own to "bond" with them - what the heck!

The only times I have ever had my GC on their own with me are when my AC ask me to help them out: school pick-ups etc. I love having them of course, but they are not mine to "bond" with - in fact they are not mine at all.

I would be tempted to just tell them to back off - extremely politely of course!!

boodymum67

They had that. With their own children.
Children aren’t timeshares.

Your MiL is completely wrong to pressure you.
She should want to support you not try to make you do what she wants.

If you want to meet her halfway, how about if she were to mind baby at your house while you have a bath or a lie-down?

If you don't want her to have the baby, on her own, at all that's entirely up to you.

I hope your partner supports you on this?
Maybe he could ask his relatives to back off.

Your mil is very lucky to see so much of your baby, so could it be her trying to help by giving you time to rest/ be on your own?
I dont have a dil and am probably wrong, but if she already sees her so often anyway, I dont understand the need to see her alone. That is for you and your partner to decide.
Congratulations, you seem very ready to make things work out, and I am sure they will.

She’s your baby, your rules, I hope your husband is supportive. I only visited my daughter when asked, I had an open invite for her and GD to visit, or leave her with us when she wanted, whether for an hour, to give her a break or longer. That worked well and when she was about a year old she slept over for the first time., but there was never any pressure. boodymum67 I don’t agree with you, sorry, but we had our precious time with our babies, OP can choose to share or not. If I was getting that amount of pressure, I’d retreat even more, babies are not ‘new toys or gadgets and a new Mum and Dad need to find their own way, it’s not as if MIL doesn’t see her at all!

I love my grandchildren to pieces and cant wait to have them here but they aren't my children so I wait until they need me.

I suspect you mil hasn't got enough going on on her own life.

As a nan, I don't think it is selfish for nans to want to share in the new little ones.
Littles ones coo, burble and all sorts of things they don't do for long.

And bathing them is so special too.

Mums get to see and do all this 7 days a week...cant nanas have just a little too?

Your m.i.l. sounds like a very lucky lady to me Abbbie. Just do what you're happy with and if you haven't done so already, have a word with your husband about his mum.

It might be an idea to be less accommodating and if they want to see their beautiful GD, get them to come to you for a change.

Good luck.

I never had any pressure to leave mine - and wouldn't ask to babysit either.

All my kids and sons/daughters in law know I'm here and available, at short notice, to look after the grandchildren, also for visits anytime.

A small baby is best looked after by it's mother in my opinion. That is ideal.

Your MIL must have her own, selfish reasons and/or expectations to want to look after your child. Perhaps she's just in competition with her own friends. Maybe it's the usual thing in her family.

Nevertheless, don't be persuaded into complying with her wishes. Do what you feel comfortable with and ignore all the pressure!

I don’t understand why grandmothers think they have any rights whatsoever. Your baby is yours. MiL should back off!

I would tell her , thank you it’s very kind of you to offer, but I feel that , at the moment, she is too young and I don’t want to.
Then say no more , if they continue to ask then you will have to just say No. and If they accuse you of being rude, then so be it.

I think you’ve been very patient with them so far

She isn’t their toy.