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Adult abusive kids

(51 Posts)
Fuchsiarose Mon 14-Sep-20 22:08:47

How do you deal with rude 30 years old. My daughter and nephew.

NotSpaghetti Mon 14-Sep-20 22:12:05

Does your daughter have a partner who will call her out?
She is more likely to listen to them...

mumofmadboys Tue 15-Sep-20 00:29:37

If your daughter is rude to you say Pardon and get her to repeat it and then do the same think again and say 'I thought that is what you said but I thought I must have heard you incorrectly'. Don't let her get away with it.A rude comment sounds very silly when you have repeated it 3 times!

Hithere Tue 15-Sep-20 02:49:34

Could you examples?

sodapop Tue 15-Sep-20 08:51:27

Good idea momb, however I'm afraid my quick temper would get the better of me. I would not accept rudeness from any member of my family, no pussy footing about.

Lucca Tue 15-Sep-20 08:54:24

In what way are they rude ?

Oopsadaisy4 Tue 15-Sep-20 08:57:57

I’m with * Sodapop* I wouldn’t stand for it, tell them to leave if they are rude in your home, if it’s in their houses, then get up and leave, if it’s on the phone, hang up.

It’s easy, so many posters on here who put up with being walked all over.

Grannybags Tue 15-Sep-20 09:03:58

The title says abusive adults. Are they abusive or rude? There's quite a difference

Chewbacca Tue 15-Sep-20 09:46:23

Physical abuse? Mental abuse? Or rude? Think more content is needed before anyone can advise.

glammanana Tue 15-Sep-20 09:55:18

I'm afraid I would not put up with any kind of rudeness or abuse from any member of my family they have all been raised to respect their parents and elders full stop.

jaylucy Tue 15-Sep-20 09:58:53

Just tell them !

No reason why you can't say "that's rude" or "that's unacceptable" or even "that's not nice" whoever they are!

Oopsminty Tue 15-Sep-20 10:00:05

What does this rudeness consist of?

ExD Tue 15-Sep-20 10:10:34

Is it the sighing and rolling of eyes kind of rudeness? My DIL does that (and I've ignored it which was a mistake) now it seems every thing I do or say is somehow ridiculed - so I think I know what you mean. An example of mine would be - I hand her a cup of coffee, she takes one sip, pauses then looks to the sky - nothing said, but still a kind of abusive rudeness if taken to excess.
I'm looking forward to the suggestions you get Fusciarose and rather like the 'Pardon' one from Mumofmadboys, but it wouldn't work in my kind of situation.
That's why we need to know what kind of bad behaviour you've been seeing.

FlexibleFriend Tue 15-Sep-20 12:14:57

If verbal I'd just say "Don't speak to me like that" they'd know by my tone to stop immediately.

Lucca Tue 15-Sep-20 12:29:38

Just waiting for Fuchsiarose to give us more information....

EllanVannin Tue 15-Sep-20 12:40:21

I've never had any abuse etc. from any of mine. I've never given them cause to for starters and besides, they've always shown respect.

Summerlove Tue 15-Sep-20 12:45:39

Depending on the forthcoming examples on abuse or rudeness, I’d probably warn once or twice that it’s unacceptable, then I’d take some cooling off time. Be less available

janeainsworth Tue 15-Sep-20 15:06:44

ExD I hand her a cup of coffee, she takes one sip, pauses then looks to the sky - nothing said, but still a kind of abusive rudeness if taken to excess

I’d challenge that by saying ‘Is your coffee ok?’
If the answer was yes I wouldn’t give the eye roll another thought, or I might say, ‘oh good I thought there must be something wrong with it.’

If the answer was ‘no’, I’d ask in what way it wasn’t ok, & offer to make another one.

Your DiL may be being passive-aggressive, or may simply lack the ability to be assertive enough to tell you what’s wrong with your coffee.

You won’t know unless you ask her & find out.

V3ra Tue 15-Sep-20 16:09:33

My daughter likes green tea (which I don't have) so when she visits she just brings her own. I could buy some in but it would go stale by the time it was finished.

ExD I'd be tempted to say to your daughter-in-law, "The kettle's just boiled if you want a coffee, do help yourself" and let her make her own.

I've been there with the younger in-laws sighing and the "oh no, it's fine, really..." comments, I'm a bit more upfront these days!

Hithere Tue 15-Sep-20 16:25:49

"An example of mine would be - I hand her a cup of coffee, she takes one sip, pauses then looks to the sky - nothing said, but still a kind of abusive rudeness if taken to excess."

Could she be enjoying a good cup of coffee in silence and decompressing a bit?

That, by itself, doesnt scream rude or abusive to me

Grandmabatty Wed 16-Sep-20 12:15:10

The OP hasn't returned to fill in the blanks which leads me to think it's someone trolling for an article.

Fuchsiarose Wed 16-Sep-20 17:39:04

Hello how lovely of you all to respond. I was almost punched in my face by body builder nephew when I objected to him biting his daughters arm while she was reading to me. Age 6. She started to cry. He said it was affection. I disagreed. He punched a hole into the kitchen door and started shouting at me to leave his house. I did. It was 2 years ago. Now. My girl, comes round, pushes sitting room door into my face. She missed. Shouts at me to get out of my bungalow cos she wants the place to herself. I wont let her in now, and I don't see the nephew anymore. I worry about his kids though

Fuchsiarose Wed 16-Sep-20 17:48:02

I liked your reply best.... I have put or posted on here what I was trying to say. Hope you see it.

Jaffacake2 Wed 16-Sep-20 18:04:29

That is abuse not rudeness. Sounds awful and I would really worry about your nephews daughter if he bit her. Poor child what abuse is she suffering behind closed doors ?

Fuchsiarose Wed 16-Sep-20 18:05:07

No I am real. Just not as internet savvy as everyone