Stillbirths in the 1970s?

I have a birth and death certificate for my little boy born in 1969 who lived for 10 days. But how different bereaved parents are treated these days thank goodness. We had no support from medical staff and were basically just told to get on with life and have another baby. When I went for my post natal check up the nurse hadn’t even read the notes and asked me how my baby was. I did go on to have three more babies but never forgot the first.

Had a stillborn son at 34 weeks in 1978. Had been at the clinic in the morning for a check up. All OK they said. He was born in the evening. Never saw him, Husband thought he was helping by arranging the burial to which I did not go. Later realised that he had been put in a communal grave - probably what is known as a paupers grave. When I went for a check up with the gynaecologist/obstetrician a few weeks afterwards, I was expecting there to be some explanation why it had happened. There was none. I have no birth/ death certificate . Crying as I write this.

In Scotland a Stillbirth Register is held at Register House in Edinburgh. It is a closed register to which only parents or very close family members have access. Many years after my daughter was stillborn in 1978, we wanted to have her name entered on the certificate and had to go to Register House in person where we met with the person who maintained the records. I was touched when she said that she looked protectively upon these stillborn babies. We also wrote to the hospital where she was born and even after many years were able to see the records in the presence of the consultant who had been in charge at the time. We also were told where she was buried - in a communal plot in a Churchyard.

Funnygran how right you are about the 70s when you lost a child. Our son was born with lots of problems. He was in and out of hospital and died when he was nine months old. No one believed how we were treated. Even the Police were involved even though he died in hospital. My husband and I had no support except for family and friends who really didn't know what to say or do. We were told to get on with life and have another baby. It took a number years before our next child and we'd told the maternity staff to take the baby away and make sure it was ok. I couldn't have gone through the first experience again.

I was a Registar of Births and Deaths in London in the 1990s. A baby born 'asleep' over 28 weeks is considered a stillbirth. At that time Births and death registrations were computerised but stillbirths were not. The stillbirth register, once completed, was held by the General Register Office (GRO) and not the relevant Register office.
I have registered a number of stillbirths and hope that I and my fellow registrars treated the parents with compassion ,respectfully and professionly
I know there were times that I had to grip my arm tightly whilst writing in the register to prevent myself from becoming visibly upset although it was natural to feel great sympathy for the parents.

I can recall a conversation with my Grandmother, she'd given birth to triplets in the 30's...one sadly was born sleeping. I won't go into detail about what then occurred but I know that she never recovered mentally from the trauma.
It's heartbreaking what so many women went through. I lost my Daughter via a very late miscarriage in the 80's and I can still recall the horrific comment made to me by a nurse in the aftermath.

A terribly sad thread.
Sending a huge, squishy hug out to all who have known this type of heartache.
Little angels... each and every one of them. God bless their tiny little souls and keep them resting in peace. xxx

I did not know that I had an older sister who only lived for a matter of minutes. My mother had never spoken about this until I had a miscarriage myself. Then it suddenly made sense why I had a random name (apparently the name of a nurse in a People's Friend story she was reading at the time) instead of the Family name from both sides that would have been expected.

Many years later, when my DH retired and closed his family business, (Joiners and Undertakers) I was clearing out the office stuff going back decades. There in an old ledger was an invoice, made out to my father, for the burial of my sister. There was no charge for the tiny hand made coffin nor the Undertakers services, only the fees for the lair and gravediggers. It was very comforting to know that this would have been my lovely FIL who would have treated her as if she was his own.

Dee1012

I can recall a conversation with my Grandmother, she'd given birth to triplets in the 30's...one sadly was born sleeping. I won't go into detail about what then occurred but I know that she never recovered mentally from the trauma.
It's heartbreaking what so many women went through. I lost my Daughter via a very late miscarriage in the 80's and I can still recall the horrific comment made to me by a nurse in the aftermath.

Dee, I gave up my midwifery training in the late 70s because I couldn't bear the behaviour of the midwives. With the exception of one, they were horrible. I won't repeat here some of their remarks to grieving mothers, to young girls with unplanned pregnancies, to mothers struggling to breastfeed, to women in labour asking for pain relief, to husbands attending at the birth - I could go on. I hated them all for the way they treated their patients, and I couldn't continue.

I'm sorry you lost your daughter and had to put up with thoughtless remarks; it wasn't personal - just unneccessarily hurtful. I hope they've spent the rest of their lives in bitter regret at their thoughtless remark to you, unable to take it back.

Sadly before 28 weeks a baby is not classed as 'viable', a horrible term! After 28 weeks if a baby was stillborn it would be registered but not as a 'birth', a birth certificate is issued only when a child has breathed, no matter how short the time maybe for.
Having experienced this tragedy myself I personally agree with icanhandthemback it is something you learn to live with, it never leaves you, personally I would never want to 'forget'.
To all those who have experienced this ?

GrannyAnnie2010 , thank you .
I think you are right, her comment to me wasn't personal. I think perhaps for her it was another part of the role, a sad part but just another aspect of it.
I was kept in hospital overnight (in a maternity ward! ) and funnily enough, the person who was so kind to me was the cleaner...a lovely lady who just sat and held my hand.

I am crying as I type this....... these stories are so sad. My love to everyone who has lost a baby

I lost my first born in September 1970 at 38 weeks. No scans or ultra sound available then, they were reliant on medical staff picking up signs that all was not well using that trumpet thing they placed on your stomach.

My child, a son, was placed in a coffin with an unknown person. I don't know if the birth was registered; I guess at 38 weeks it may have been. I did see him - sleeping, as they say. I'm glad I did.

I was dispatched from the obstetric unit where he was born to the local maternity home, among women and their babies. An Indian lady was so kind and asked if I would like to hold her baby. She understood. I'll never forget that kindness.

Very sad stories. My heart goes out to you ?

Goodness - this brings back memories. I’d been seen regularly at GP led unit in 1981 throughout my pregnancy - the nurses joking that I’d not ‘let myself go’ and ‘piled on weight’.
Final visit, on my own at 38 weeks to Hospital and told I’d need an x-ray. Queried the safety of this and was told it wouldn’t do any damage, as I’d be ‘taking nothing home anyway’.

An hour later, I was told to go home and come back in 2 hours - still not clear why.
Admitted later and told my baby was anencephalic - without a brain and at birth wouldn’t be viable. Admitted to the Maternity Ward with mother’s and babies. The next 24hours passed in a blur - never saw my son although he was born breathing. I woke up in a surgical ward next morning with no-one knowing who I was or why I was there. DH showed up mid afternoon - he’d been to the Registry Office to register a birth and death amid happy couples booking weddings or registering births. I think he just took me home as I’d been in a side room for 24 hours, no food or drink and hadn’t seen anyone! I think I had some sort of breakdown and later wrote to the hospital asking about it, only to be advised he’d been legally cremated. We knew nothing.
RIP my beautiful boy. 29.10.81 X

Six miscarriages. No births, no graves, no memorials. My babies, nevertheless. Lives I created, nurtured and loved.

I have living, grown children, but I still grieve those I lost.

At 32 week scan I was told baby had spina bifida, hydrocephalus and would not survive.
Still had to go to antenatal checkups and sit in the waiting areas with other expectant mums. I lied to anyone asking about the pregnancy as I felt ashamed that I had made what should be a joyus occasion into a tragic event and didn't want to upset people by telling them the truth.
The first midwife that visited me after the delivery came into the house and glibly asked was baby upstairs so that I could get much needed rest so I had to explain how he had not survived.
No one ever talked about what happened.... All brushed under the carpet by husband and grandparents. I was 21 when I gave birth and this tragedy has stayed with me throughout life. I couldn't look at pregnant women or bear to hear about women having babies. I went into have 3 other live babies and one miscarriage that was referred to as only 'a blob' when scanned at 3 months.
No support from health care professionals whatsoever in 1987 before or after the birth.
I vaguely remember at about 5 months a GP casually said on examination that 'this baby is small for dates.'..... but he never followed this up nor was I mature enough to question what this meant etc.
My youngest adult son has a learning disability and I just believe I was meant to have a child with additional needs for whatever reason.
My life has been over shadowed by my first pregnancy.
Ultra sounds were relatively basic and the Sonnographer missed the disability at 16 weeks and probably never knew about the consequences that had on me.

Posted too soon...... and my baby boy.
I have treasured photographs of him immediately after birth which I am unbelievably grateful for. I am so glad things have changed for women who experience the loss of a baby these days.
Just by reading this thread I have seen how many other women suffered too which is heartbreaking.
My thoughts go out to each and every one of you that has sadly lost a full term baby, had a miscarriage or a sudden infant death. ???
Rest in Peace to our precious, loved and always remembered babies. ❤️

polnan you could find out about your twin . My twin was still born and I wanted to mark the fact they she had been my sister . Getting the certificate was not easy reading but something I wanted to do . See my earlier post.