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Feeling overwhelmed

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Narnia Sat 17-Oct-20 13:13:05

Im currently trying to bouy up and support my dd who is returning to work next week after 8 months mat leave.
I'm having the baby 3 days and her partners family 1 (which she's not happy with at all, but can't be resolved)
Baby has a a few health issues, plus lockdown and this new way of living has impacted mat leave for them.
I see her prob 4 days a week at the mo, try to get into a routine with the baby etc but also because we enjoy spending time together!
She's struggling so much with the thought of being back in work, she's still breastfeeding too.
She's crying most days that I'm with her which just breaks my heart and makes me feel guilty that I will have the baby when I think it should be her as that's what she desperately wants.
We have a week now before she returns and I'm absolutely feeling sick at the thought.
She can't afford to not work, she's dropped one day.
I've actually dropped lots of hours at work so I can do the childcare and save them nursery fees so I'm not in a position to help financially, I wish I was sad
Her partner isn't the most supportive either either emotionally or childcare wise so my dd and the baby have a very strong bond.
I suppose my question is any suggestions to help get her thru this tough period?
I've bought a few little tokens to give to her, but now I'm thinking is this the right thing or will it make her worse hmm
She's having thoughts that someone is going to take the baby from her or that something is going to happen to him. I realise that this is her anxiety.

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Franbern Tue 20-Oct-20 10:34:30

Not a new problem or one related to these strange times. My eldest daughter had to return to her studies and part time work when her baby was just a couple of months old. Very unsupportive, unemployed partner. Baby had to go to child minder two days a week, and to me two day a week. She managed to continue with breast feed (and pumped milk during daytime) until baby was six months old.
Touch times, and my daughter found it all very difficult - but needs must.
Baby and she survived (baby will celebrate her 18th birthday next year), Mum survived and has a high flying career through these days. Partnership did not survive.
The majority of mums do not want that maternity leave time to end, and to 'give up' care of their bubs to other people, but once they do get back and have (hopefully) some enjoyable adult company at work, it usually works out well for all concerned. Mum will be missing baby a great deal more than baby will miss Mum

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Narnia Wed 21-Oct-20 11:58:01

Franbern, I'm afraid I do disagree about it not being "related to these strange times"
First baby, who had spent a week in hospital at 3 weeks old, difficulties breastfeeding, unsupportive partner and then weeks with no visits or support from HV or me who she wanted desperately to be there for her.
Then no making mum friends or baby groups. So I'm afraid I do think this has impacted on her mat leave. It's certainly made it more stressful and much less enjoyable than it should have been. Yes she's had the time spent by herself with the baby, but that itself has been counter productive as she doesn't want to "trust" him with anyone else. And the separation anxiety on both sides is high.

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Msida Mon 26-Oct-20 20:52:27

Hi Narnia, sorry to hear your story it's so sad but I think you already know what would be the best answer to this problem and that's for your daughter to be allowed to stay at home with her baby, its what she wants, she will never get this time in her life again.

You say her husband is not supportive and so in a sense she's on her own with this decision

If at all possible and it should be hopefully she should stay at home smile

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