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Anxious time, what to do?

(68 Posts)
hollysteers Fri 23-Oct-20 11:18:15

My single younger brother in Scotland is going through a very bad time, his son is in prison, has mental issues and is on the phone to him every day affecting his health and well-being. He has a couple of trials coming up and my brother dreads him being let out next year sometime, but nothing is certain. He is a rather dangerous individual sadly and wants to return to live with my brother (his mother is dead) which would be a disaster.
My brother would like to stay with me for a break for a few days as he does in normal circumstances as we are very close, but I am in Level 3 and not sure what to do. I would love to give him a much needed break, I have plenty of space to keep our distance. Would this situation fall into vital care or similar?

hollysteers Fri 23-Oct-20 11:29:51

I live alone, bubbled with my son 30 miles away who I see infrequently.

Riverwalk Fri 23-Oct-20 11:34:50

I'm sorry your brother and his son are having a difficult time.

As far as I'm aware, this would count as a welfare issue throughout the UK and it would be in order for you to allow your brother to stay, if you think his mental health is at stake.

vampirequeen Fri 23-Oct-20 19:24:12

Let your brother come to stay with you. The rules are not set in stone. His needs are greater.

M0nica Fri 23-Oct-20 23:07:33

if you do not have a bubble, and he doesn't either, then become a bubble and whatever way you go, you are allowed to share a household. There is no limit on how far apart bubbles are. We are in a bubble wth DD, who lives nearly 100 miles away. She is with us now, staying for a long weekend.

BlueBelle Fri 23-Oct-20 23:09:52

Yours and his mental health is important so I would say definitely let him come to stay and I hope the situation improves for you all

lemongrove Fri 23-Oct-20 23:16:36

I agree with the other posters.
A worrying situation for your brother, but a rotten time for your nephew too, in prison and having mental health problems.Where and who can he turn to if not his own Father.

Hetty58 Fri 23-Oct-20 23:22:51

You can't be in two different bubbles, so need to tell your son to stay away.

MaggieTulliver Sat 24-Oct-20 07:51:43

Absolutely let your poor brother stay with you, I would do the same in a heartbeat. I hope things improve for your family.

vegansrock Sat 24-Oct-20 08:08:32

Yes there are exemptions for emergencies and care for a vulnerable person.

rafichagran Sat 24-Oct-20 08:09:56

Let your brother stay, his welfare seems to be a great concern. Also I would not ask your son to stay away, I would talk to him and see what he thinks. As someone said upthread the rules are not set in stone.
Also if your Brothers son is dangerous, your brothers safety comes first, if he feels stressed or in danger, he should not let his son stay with him.

lovebeigecardigans1955 Sat 24-Oct-20 08:18:08

Your poor brother sounds very troubled so surely some flexibility is in order? I know rules are rules and all that but let's show some humanity. Let him stay as for long as he needs.

BlueBelle Sat 24-Oct-20 08:18:20

Hetty and rafia I think you might have the wrong end of the stick the poster doesn’t have a son involved In this situation

rafichagran Sat 24-Oct-20 08:37:37

The son is in her bubble, Hetty stated you cannot be in two bubbles.
I thought the poster made it quite clear her son was in her bubble 30 miles away. She is tier 3 and you can only mix with one household. The poster asked for advice on what she should do.

rafichagran Sat 24-Oct-20 08:38:20

One other household.

Jane10 Sat 24-Oct-20 08:49:02

Your poor brother. What an awful situation for him. If he's physically well why not let him come for a wee break. It would give him a chance to have a think about what to do and to talk it over with you.
He must be dreading the possibility of his son being released and wanting to come home to him. He'll also be feeling guilty that he doesn't want him home. I'm sure he'll have good reason not to want this. Just because he's his son doesn't necessarily make him a pleasant or even safe person to live with. The poor man. Literally, give him a break!

Iam64 Sat 24-Oct-20 08:58:57

Don't hesitate, 'welfare' needs prioritise and I can't imagine anyone criticising you for telling your brother to come and stay with you.
I'm not sure about Scottish prisons but in England there would be both a Probation Officer and Wing Governor in the prison, with responsibility for welfare issues. In your brother's place, I'd telephone and follow that up with a letter expressing my concerns.

bikergran Sat 24-Oct-20 09:27:05

Do what you heart tells you.

M0nica Sat 24-Oct-20 09:33:08

In which case end the bubble with son, allow 2 weeks quarantine, then bubble with brother.

BazingaGranny Sun 25-Oct-20 09:29:15

My understanding is that relationship breakdown, and or mental health issues, would allow your brother to stay with you.

Best wishes to all your family in this troubling and difficult time for you all. 🌺

Alioop Sun 25-Oct-20 09:33:44

Let him come stay, he really needs you. Hope it all works out for you all. x

DeeDum Sun 25-Oct-20 09:43:44

Become his bubble, if your not in one already with someone even if you are perhaps both try to isolate as much as possible from others in the run up to his arrival.. and then make him your bubble..

RoMo Sun 25-Oct-20 10:04:33

Absolutely see him. I would and I know from first hand experience what's it's like to have a close relative going through these issues. Your brother's good mental health is essential.

hicaz46 Sun 25-Oct-20 10:14:10

Yes see him. Some people seem confused. He is your brother with a son, your nephew who is in prison. No mention of your son, or whether you are in a bubble with anyone else. I am sure the situation would fall into health, caring responsibilities. Good luck with your decision.

Dibbydod Sun 25-Oct-20 10:15:55

Absolutely without a doubt I’d have him to stay , his health for you both is far more important . I personally wouldn’t have it any other way . We are only human after all and family is family .