Gransnet forums

Ask a gran

Sentimental music - what do you think?

(35 Posts)
ExD Mon 26-Oct-20 10:21:55

My friend's husband has taken to going to bed early and playing what she calls 'sentimental love songs' on his iPad. Things like Dolly Parton and Abba and especially one about 'you're my best friend' that he plays over and over.
She's worried he's got another woman.

This is the same friend I posted about who had several 'bubbles' when she shouldn't even have had one - but that's another story.
(I haven't seen her face to face since August but we talk on the phone and she's becoming a source of amusement as she jumps from crisis to crisis which is unkind of me because she's really distressed). She's a good friend and we're very close so her behaviour is quite worrying and I want to help. Would it be best to ignore this and laugh quietly to myself, or or let her rant on and on? She often ends up in tears she's so frantic.
Is all this a cry for attention or is she developing some kind of dementia? She's 72.
I sometimes think I'm not a very nice person.

FannyCornforth Mon 26-Oct-20 10:36:01

Hello ExD.
Your friend does sound like she is mentally unwell one way or another.
I think that maybe her husband is retreating into his 'own little world' somewhat. He may be struggling to deal with his wife's strange behaviour.
Why do you worry that you are not very nice? You sound like a good friend.

FannyCornforth Mon 26-Oct-20 10:37:25

PS. If I were you I would encourage her to contact her GP. She sounds very overwhelmed.

FannyCornforth Mon 26-Oct-20 10:39:22

PPS. Isn't it virtually impossible to have an affair in the current circumstances? Has your friend considered this?

Tangerine Mon 26-Oct-20 10:41:22

Perhaps your friend's husband is trying to escape the reality of Covid in some way and finds solace in these songs.

When lockdown first started in March, I must admit I had a few very early nights because I just felt safe in bed. I soon got out of that though because I felt it wasn't constructive and it could have become too much of a habit.

Ilovecheese Mon 26-Oct-20 10:48:27

I suspect that your friend might be right about him having someone else and he is missing her due to the restrictions.

Ilovecheese Mon 26-Oct-20 10:49:40

And if her husband is denying it "well he would wouldn't he"

FannyCornforth Mon 26-Oct-20 10:51:51


And if her husband is denying it "well he would wouldn't he"

Or he actually isn't having an affair?

Smileless2012 Mon 26-Oct-20 14:45:45

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

ExD Mon 26-Oct-20 15:18:41

Do you HAVE to be unpleasant Smileless?

If you'd bothered to read the post properly you'd have seen I was beginning to feel guilty at finding my friend's anguish amusing, although it did seem that way at first.
The fact she ended up in tears over her suspicions about a 'girlfiiend' were what alerted me to the possibility of her having some mental problem - possibly brought on my the crisis.
Please don't be so quick to judge.

Ilovecheese Mon 26-Oct-20 15:24:52

Yes, he might well be telling the truth but I don't think his wife's intuition should be entirely discounted.

AGAA4 Mon 26-Oct-20 15:28:23

ExD many people are struggling with all the restrictions on our lives and imaginations can run riot. Your friend's husband may be finding life difficult and has found a way to cope with music. Some people find sentimental songs comforting.
Your friend may need to rant to cope with her own distress. If she was my friend I would let her rant away if it helps her.

sharon103 Mon 26-Oct-20 15:45:04

Going back to the last couple of months of 1986 when my ex husband and I went to a pub, he would keep putting 'Woman' by John Lennon on the juke box.
He left me for someone else the beginning of January 1987.
I still can't make out if it was for me or her.
Her, for the 'I love you' bit and the words' I didn't mean to cause you sorrow or pain' for me?
I wish I knew.
Could be possible your friends husband is missing someone.

paddyanne Mon 26-Oct-20 15:54:14

maybe songs from a time he was happy relax him...and why not .What a lot of suspicious grans you are .

PinkCakes Mon 26-Oct-20 15:54:22

ExD You say this lady is a friend, she jumps from crisis to crisis, she often ends up in tears - yet you find her a source of amusement?

Her husband probably hasn't got another woman (with all these Covid restrictions, would it be possible to meet up with someone secretly?), but perhaps he could be thinking of times with someone a long time ago? Whatever it is, why would you think the lady is developing dementia?

ExD Mon 26-Oct-20 16:29:20

I used to find it amusing Pink cakes.
I don't now.
I hope you feel better for doubting the genuineness of my friendship, it's helped a lot sad

This 'other woman' whether real or imaginary could be of long standing of course.
I've just put the phone down from another long conversation, and this was the answer she gave when I suggested that covid has meant that affairs weren't possible. She's now fretting about her cousin in Scotland who has been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and hasn't long to live. I do think she's developing some kind of problem (I don't want to suggest what problem - no, you're right dementia isn't a reasonable suggestion, but something's not right there - dare I say it could be mental? Because of the general worry over covid\?)
Throwing bricks at me isn't helpful, but feel free to carry on if it helps you.

PECS Mon 26-Oct-20 16:45:01

It could be all kinds of reasons that this chap is in bed listening to nostalgic music.. maybe it turn him on?

What I don't understand is why people don't ask a straight question in such circumstances. "I have heard you listening to a lot of old favourites recently. Is there a particular reason for this?"
Who knows he could be choosing the pieces of music for his funeral or creating a lifetime playlist or set himself a challenge to be ready to go on Desert Island Discs? So many innocent possibilities and she chooses an affair!

ExD Mon 26-Oct-20 16:52:02

He could of course be thinking of HER (was the singer Don Williams)

You're my bread when I'm hungry
You're my shelter from troubled winds
You're my anchor in life's ocean
But most of all you're my best friend

I'll suggest it when we chat tomorrow,

lemongrove Mon 26-Oct-20 16:52:09

Men rarely enjoy sentimental love songs.... so it does seem
Suspicious ( if he hadn’t liked them and played them before)
Not much you can do ExD except suggest she ask him why he is suddenly doing this? I do know what you mean about a friend who often has a crisis in their life ( I know someone who seems to have one every week.)

Smileless2012 Mon 26-Oct-20 17:40:32

I did read your OP properly ExD. "Would it be best to ignore this and laugh quietly to myself, or let her rant on and on?" comes towards the end of your OP.

I've just re read it and don't see where you've said that you "used" to find it amusing. You also posted earlier in your OP "she's becoming a source of amusement" not that she used to be a source or amusement.

TBH I found your OP which is about a good friend, you say you're close too, unpleasant.

PECS Mon 26-Oct-20 17:53:27

My DH likes sentimental songs.. as well as other stuff.

PinkCakes Mon 26-Oct-20 17:56:38

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Smileless2012 Mon 26-Oct-20 18:00:47

I agree PinkCakes.

ExD Mon 26-Oct-20 18:19:45

Feel better now?

PinkCakes Mon 26-Oct-20 22:10:37

ExD Do you?