More to life? But what?

Ha ha ...some answers that make me laugh ! I am 73, alone since being widowed 2 years ago ......my plan : move back from France, buy a nice house with garden in the UK ...snag : 1) I hate being alone at night (day is fine !) b) I don't want a dog c) I wouldn't mind a cat .....BUT then realised my plan was WAS (COVID stopped that !) to travel ...so I bought a retirement flat ....which at the beginning (last August) was wonderful ......I could leave it locked up, secure, and travel on my own ...which I started to do ! Had trips planned to Russia, Norway, Antarctica, Nashville ...all deposits paid ...did manage to get to Greece, Menorca (where I also used to live), Prague and Berlin ....THEN Covid hit, so all others cancelled. I HATE the flat BUT at least I chose it deliberately in a lovely place....1 minute from the sea, 30 from the countryside, 20 from an international airport (well, it was useful !) 20 from the Ferry ....bus stops outside (difficulty changing my French driving licence back to an English one at my age !) busses a plenty, Metro 2 minutes, taxis cheap (in fact, may stop half sentence cos I am waiting for a taxi to do the big supermarket shop)......and when things were normal, I was taking myself off most days out to lunch, to the big shopping mall (sadly all the shops there are going or have gone into administration and it will soon be an emtpy shell) on a train to London, or Edinburgh, or elsewhere .......leisure centres, concert halls, theatre cinema .....I was ALWAYS out .....now I am stuck in ...although I go out every day for a walk along the beach or into the country or the city .......LOVE where I am, but the flat feels like an old folks home ....what to do next ? Can't go back to France now, cause: Brexit ! I bought a caravan to escape the flat ....can't go there now ........as soon as any ban is lifted, I am off ! When the ban was lifted in July I went next day on the ferry to Amsterdam .....anywhere just to get away ! BUT I would say, think carefully before retiring to the country if you don't drive ....for instance, in France the nearest town or shop was 10km so I had to drive everywhere ...didn't mind it, was a way of life BUT ladies in the village who were widows and had never driven, or were too old to drive any longer, were STUCK ....no transport services ...Docs and hospitals need a car to get to ....so think about the future and whether you really want to bury yourself in the country without a support network, shops, doctors, a bank,etc etc...its lovely when you are younger (I lived in Cambridgeshire back when I was younger,,,never gave the commute to London a thought, loved it .....but a lot of older people find it hard having to rely on others .........but good luck, whatever you choose ...you have ONE life it is not a rehearsal so go for it ...whatever IT may be

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

A timely thread. DH died suddenly last week. Though in a nursing home, I visited almost every day, giving my days and weeks structure - until Covid of course. I live in a new, contemporary bungalow, and will manage financially, so I can't complain. Like others, I'm thinking what now? At 72, I would travel on my own, though I'm not sure how it would feel, emotionally. I already have some volunteering in the pipeline, but, as others have said, these are the last 'fit' years of our lives and shouldn't be wasted. I will read on to try to get some inspiration re moving on, when I'm ready.

Right now you and your husband are obviously fit and well, so start planning whatever you would like to do. It is now or never, as none of us know how long our good health will last.

We started our retirement in 2013 by sailing on the rivers and canals of Germany, Holland, Belgium and part of France.

Bought a house in 2016 and intended to go sailing again, but the luck changed. Nothing serious, but a broken shoulder (DH) ovarian cyst (obviously mine) failing eyesight (me) make it unlikely that we will do more sailing.

So do go for it while you still can.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lovingit I loved your post: I had always hankered after spending time in Venice - at first I thought I'd like to move there (may not be on now anyway due to Brexit) but now I hope to do what you've done and rent out my falt and go and live in Venice for 3 months. You've inspired me!

Mawbe, I think you are marvellous and I love your sensible but inspiring advice!

get a holiday home .by the sea .the sea always revives my spirit.....and windmills .....

why not try volenteering it can be very rewarding .

Is there anywhere you have always wanted to go? Since learning about Australia at school it was my dream destination! Eventually at 76 with my 2nd husband, I went for 7 weeks! It was amazing. Seeing fairy penguins come out of the sea at sunset, a meal at midnight near Ayers Rock, swimming at the Great Barrier Reef, visiting the southern-most lighthouse, the Great Ocean Road. So many happy memories especially since DH passed away. I’m now 90 - so my long distance travelling days are over but life is an adventure anyway and I’m thankful to at least keep well!

It is interesting to see how some people “picture” their latter years - plodding along in a bungalow- really?
For many, the freedom of retirement has meant holidays,, travel - fine,. And for others , the grandchildren, or hobbies such as the garden, golf or bowls!
But it’s not the externals that make the difference - it’s what’s in your heart. And released from the constraints of the job, the commute, hopefully the mortgage it is easy to dream of being somewhere else isn’t it?
Is it a pipe dream or are you prepared to make sacrifices to make it a reality though?
You could sell up, buy a flat in a city and enjoy the vibrant atmosphere of coffee bars, smashed avocado on sourdough, theatres and galleries or alternatively a “lock up and leave” townhouse and go cruising, travel the world - whatever your income permits.
But it has to come from within , no point in fretting , just get up and (Covid permitting) get up and do it.

A lady I know in her late 80’s got fed up during lock down and as soon as it ended she rented her flat (here) out, moved to Australia (to be near her surviving child) shipped her car out and bought a flat over there. She is loving it! Its never too late.
I am in my 50’s and feeling very much as the OP but travel is my passion and I miss it!

Totally agree with everything you say I lost my husband 3 years ago and if I could have him back I would live in a tent .but people don't know what it's like to lose your husband they think they have an idea what it would be like but they don't have a clue how devastating it is I know because I was I of them

I have decided that I too need adventure , so as soon as lockdown and tiers are gone my husband and I are going to travel and I want to do things out of my comfort zone as I am a bit of a scaredy cat . We have booked a wildlife tour of Costa Rica and there are lots of trips into the rainforest etc , it’s not until November 2021 so before that I want to take some swimming lessons (I can swim in a fashion but want to get a proper technique ) that will enable me to snorkel on my own instead of holding husbands hand . Also I’m going to go to Slimming world and lose a stone so that I’m fitter for the walking . Good luck in whatever you decide to do .

Having holidayed on numerous canal boats I must add they are quite hard work in amongst the lovely quiet times. Locks can be hard work, mooring takes a little skill, shopping has to be planned out, muddy canal paths and leaping on and off boats ...
Motorhomes - I have a friend in the US who gave up the house and ties and she and her husband went where the wind blew them, along with 2 dogs and a cat. They had spells of dogsitting around the US too.

My husband got itchy feet when he hit 50 - 9 years ago and he's now with another woman and her two teenage daughters .... Divorce at any moment but I've spent the last 7 years going on some simply fabulous single trips (took 2 year to pluck up the courage). At first I felt a bit of a loser being on my own, but when you are with a group of 8 or 30 people all in the same boat that thought goes straight out the window. You do meet some odd sorts but there will always be a "kindred spirit" or two.

Meetup groups were great, I've had fab trips to Riga, Latvia, Albania (!), different areas of Bulgaria, Italy's Cinque Terra. Coach trips to Tuscany and Venice. With JustYou to Zagreb, Croatia, Amalfi, San Remo ... This is my first Christmas home since 2012. One of the first trips I went on I met a fabulous lady of 72 who was married, her husband worked over Christmas so she thought she'd do something different.

One of the trips (Venice) was mainly couples (only me and one other "single" lady) which I probably wouldn't do again although they were all very welcoming and friendly. I'd recommend a trip like that just to get the travel bug stirred.

U3A is a great starting point.

I'd forget about the touring caravan or motor home, you're cooped up at home with one person and you'll be cooped up in a caravan with one person. You may find people to chat to on sites but it'll just be passing conversations. I prefer to spend my money on interesting foreign holidays where you get to see all the wonders of the world and share them with a group of like minded people. We've met some great people this way and seen some amazing places - Kenya safari, Vietnam and Cambodia, India, China, and much more. Get out there before you're too old.

To answer your question LadyBella. My husband and I have had great trips on coaches . There are lots of single people ,over a certain age ,on our trips and some companies offer trips for singles only . We met a lady on one trip in the UK who was 92 and did a different 5 day trip every month. We have been to Europe and UK by coach and love and miss it. Roll on next year.

This has been such an inspiring thread and I am full of admiration for all the courage and sense of adventure I hear from those who are older. It is a great encouragement to not fear - or to feel the fear and do it anyway!!

I still think the post resonates whether you’re a widow or not. Of course those of us who are widowed (me included) wish things were different but we can’t change what’s happened. That really shouldn’t mean though that we can’t make the best out of the rest of our lives. Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway was one of the most perceptive book titles ever - we all owe it to ourselves to do that I think.

We are feeling the same, on the verge of selling up moving to the seaside but COVID has way laid our plans, not getting any younger feel the need to get going but can’t, have been lucky in taking long holidays in canaries and campervan but can’t stand living in this house any longer.

Rosemary55. We are both in the same boat. What a horrible year all round. Take care.

Msida is spot on with her comments. I lost my dear husband in July this year. Living alone is hard, I am terrified of the thought of having a holiday on my own, it won’t happen, I don’t think. I worry about my future, fortunately I am fit and well and do a or if activities. I am 76. But living alone makes me very low in mood.

Msida, touché and snap. However, when your husband was alive were you 'grateful'? Think I kind of took it for granted that mine would be around for a lot longer. Oh, I was glad and happy but grateful was in there somewhere down the line. I hope our plight never takes away from those who are currently experiencing a blessed union. I'm deeply grateful for what I once had. Some people have long unions with little joy. I had less of more and I have to settle for that. I hope you don't begrudge people their present happiness. I certainly don't? Envious? Indeed. In the nicest possible way.

Why not stay by the sea for a few months and find out if it suits you. If you choose a seaside town, (caravan/chalet park - rent a house) you will experience how very different summer and winter can be. Life in cities and towns don’t change in the seasons quite so much IMO. What’s the worst that can happen. You will still be you. Good Luck!!