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I'm not winning

(27 Posts)
Msida Wed 09-Dec-20 07:16:31

Hi everyone

Some may have read my post after my husband died recently

I'm looking for some help today because instead of getting better I seem to be getting worse

I am eating much too much I am not going out because I am working from home and I don't see anyone from one week to the next

I do have two children but they get on with their life and don't really see much of them, so I feel that I have lost everything and have no actual family because I don't see them they don't make any effort to visit me orr call me to see how their Mum is coping with loosing dad and how she coping with living alone

I have resorted to airing my problems because when I woke this morning the feeling of despair was all consuming

I have to face a days work dealing with awful rude people and to be honest I realllly don't know what I'm going to do about any of this

I'm sorry to burden you I don't mean to burden anyone

I'm just hoping that someone will say something that will help me to stop feeling so full of despair

Jane10 Wed 09-Dec-20 07:22:16

You poor thing. I wish I could think what to say to help beyond platitudes. What has helped me at bad times is telling myself that I really won't always feel like this. The saying 'this too shall pass' is true! I'm sure others will be along with more helpful responses. Good luck

Grammaretto Wed 09-Dec-20 07:23:42

flowers so sorry to read this Msida
Do you have any friends outside work and family?
Have you tried the bereavement groups? Cruse etc?
My DH died less than 2 weeks ago. Xx

DanniRae Wed 09-Dec-20 07:24:20

Oh Msida I am so sorry that you are feeling so bad. I am also sorry that I have no advice but felt I couldn't read your post without doing something. So here are some flowers for you and I send them with love from me.
I am sure someone will post soon with lots of helpful advice. Best Wishes
Danni x

dragonfly46 Wed 09-Dec-20 07:25:07

Oh Msida I am so sorry to hear you feel like this.
Maybe your DC think you are coping. Would it be an idea to let them know you are not? Sometimes we give the wrong impression.

It must be horrid dealing with rude people all day.

Do you have a friend you can talk to?
It is good you aired it on here.
Sending you gentle hugs.

mokryna Wed 09-Dec-20 07:38:14

I am so sorry to hear you are feeling down msida.
May I suggest that as soon as can free yourself from your work, you wrap up warm and go for a walk. Even if is it only for thirty minutes, it helps change ideas. flowers
Take care of yourself.

Marydoll Wed 09-Dec-20 07:42:21

Msida, I just couldn't pass your post without saying anything, although I couldn't possibly imagine how you are feeling.
I don't know if this would be of any help, but recently after my BIL's death, my sister in law found a lot of help online about the bereavement process, which at least helped her to understand why she was feeling the way she was.

I think you have to try and tell your family how you feel or do you have a friend who could do this for you? I had to speak to my nephew about how my sister in law was, he had absolutely no conception that his mother was not coping. He was so wrapped up up in his own busy life and she kept saying she was fine.

It also may be worthwhile,e speaking to your GP and asking for help.

Take care and you know you have taken the first step by posting here. 💐

Harris27 Wed 09-Dec-20 07:44:35

Feel so sorry for you and your situation and it can’t help this time of year. Can you find some counselling even online again reading about the grieving process. I’m sending you virtual hugs.

Firecracker123 Wed 09-Dec-20 07:44:40

Hi Msida feel very sorry for you after reading your post. Why don't you join Facebook there are a few private Bereavement Support Groups on there (no one can see the posts only members of the group unlike on GN) You might find help and support from people who are going through unhappy times like you are.

GrannyGravy13 Wed 09-Dec-20 07:52:19

Be gentle on yourself Msida , grief does not have a set pattern. Have you tried explaining to your AC how you are feeling and not coping?

Take one day at a time and please reach out for help thanks

baubles Wed 09-Dec-20 07:54:09

I’m sorry you’re feeling so alone Msida, I do know that grief isn’t a linear process and it isn’t a case of each day being easier than the one before.

Could you perhaps try to get outside for a little while? Do you have any friends you could ring?

There’s always support on here so do keep posting. flowers

PollyDolly Wed 09-Dec-20 07:55:03

I am so sorry for your loss and the plight that you now find yourself facing.
However, it's important to remember that your children have lost their father, have you contacted them to check that they are coping? They could be struggling too, they no doubt feel the despair that you are feeling.
Perhaps you might consider speaking to your GP and/or a bereavement counsellor.
Losing a loved one is life changing and affects us all differently; there is no quick fix, you can't stick a plaster on grief, there is no magic ointment. With the right support, day by day you will find a way forward but this will take time.
Be strong Msida and do look after yourself 💐

Nanabanana1 Wed 09-Dec-20 08:02:55

💐for you and hugs, my DH passed away 4years ago and all I can say is it does get easier, please tell your family how your feeling, they will not know if you keep saying to them you’re fine. Some days will be better than others so please don’t despair, it’s hard I know.
As others have said bereavement groups can be a great help.
Take care .

Jane10 Wed 09-Dec-20 08:26:21

Grammaretto I was so sorry to read that you had lost your husband too. A sad time all round. Will look forward to seeing you at one of our lunches next year.

Esspee Wed 09-Dec-20 08:42:12

I feel for you *Msida”, your situation combined with this awful year.
Do reach out to your children. Give them a call to see how they are feeling. Contact friends and other relatives to try to maintain relationships. How are they coping with the virus restrictions, is their health OK?
I know that after my husband died it took a long time to adjust but you will. I promise you things will get better.
And you always have all of us at Gransnet when you need to vent.
Look after yourselves, best wishes. 💐

Grammaretto Wed 09-Dec-20 08:43:41

Jane10 Thankyou. I look forward to that meet up too.
I agree with PollyDolly . The DC are grieving too and cannot be much support to you at present Msida
Thanks for starting this thread.

sodapop Wed 09-Dec-20 08:52:31

Msida so sorry you are struggling at the moment, I don't have any magic words but I do feel for you. Talk to your family you need each other. flowers

Grammaretto so sorry to hear you had lost your husband too, you have my sympathy, take care flowers

25Avalon Wed 09-Dec-20 08:55:58

Msida there is a very useful piece “grief after bereavement or loss” on the NHS website which gives advice that you might find helpful. It is a very hard time, some days worse than others and you do need support. I would speak to your dc as they are probably feeling the same way and you may be able to help each other. Reach out to them as you have to us and see if you can be there for each other. Lots of hugs.

Patsy70 Wed 09-Dec-20 10:15:55

Msida So sad that you are struggling with the loss of your DH. It is very difficult to pick up the phone to make a call when you are feeling so low, but it might help to speak to your children just to see how they’re coping, and tell them how you are. As already said, there are professional bereavement groups experienced in talking to those who have lost loved ones. They offer group sessions too, which may or may not suit you, but meeting others who are suffering in a similar way could help you. You may also make a new friend. It will take effort, but it would be worthwhile at least giving it a try. flowers

Grammaretto flowers

humptydumpty Wed 09-Dec-20 10:19:34

msida, so very sorry you feel like this. The only maybe helpful thing I can suggest is, could you take some time off from your job as it sounds as this is making things even worse?

henetha Wed 09-Dec-20 10:19:57

I wish I could think of the right words to help you. Life can be a real pain sometimes. Maybe let your children know how you are feeling? Sending you all my good wishes and a big hug. I hope things improve for you very soon.

Soozikinzi Wed 09-Dec-20 10:30:35

Don’t think you are being a burden by writing on here ! If people aren’t interested they can scroll by ! Your children will be grieving too as others have said . Have you thought about telephone counselling? My husband has had this during the lockdown we just searched on google for counsellors in the area . You read their qualifications and comments online and we just picked one that seemed suitable and maybe we were lucky but it’s been wonderful for him . Hoping you can find the help you need xx

cathymum Wed 09-Dec-20 14:58:43

Hi maida, I just wanted to say I am sorry to hear about your loss, I cant imagine what you are feeling, it sounds like it is very early days for you, I dont think you should apologise for how you feel or think of yourself as a burden, I expect that is why you haven't spoken to your Children, your Mum instinct to protect them. You matter and you are important to your family, try to talk to them let them know how you feel. I will be thinking of you.

mumski Wed 09-Dec-20 15:16:07

Masida your post rang so many bells with me. My DH died last year. I never thought I would feel any better - ever! However there are now gaps between the clouds. This group really helped:
forum.way-up.co.uk/index.php?topic=10235.msg92688#msg92688
Also I was able to get counselling through my employer and this was a huge help. Would this be an option for you?
I'm sending you huge hugs. xx

Parsley3 Wed 09-Dec-20 15:24:18

I am so sorry that you are feeling so low. You are dealing with loss and that is hard to do. I don’t know what to say that will help but if you can get out for a short walk at some point in your day, it will give you a little break from the sadness.
Be kind to yourself. 💐