My son is 28 and his kids are 4 & 3. He had them with a drug addict mother and was raising the kids by himself. I had been helping him out with free babysitting and giving him food, diapers and money as he needed it. A year ago my son was struggling and he called DCF for help. DCF tried to visit his house but he was sleeping while the kids were up running around. Eventually DCF called the police and when they entered his house they found his place unsanitary. I had no clue as he wouldn’t allow me in his house at the time. They removed the kids. He got them back after a week. He was in danger of being evicted but DCF gave him $1000 to prevent it. My son had a good job at the time and was getting free daycare too. So it’s not like he was really bad off.
A month or two later my son was being defiant with DCF and got evicted anyway for not paying rent.
I agreed to take my grandkids for Monday-Friday until he got a place again. But told him he had to take them during the weekend. My son never got the kids again. Eventually the boys were put in state custody and I agreed to keep them until they returned to their dad as a sort of foster parent.
A year and 1/2 later my son doesn’t seem to have any intentions of getting the boys back. Now it’s getting closer to DCF terminating his parental rights.
I feel trapped now. I love my grandkids. Very much. But I raised 5 children starting from the age of 16. I spend years in an abusive marriage. I’m not proud of that but it was harder to get out of then I expected.
At this point I’m almost 50 and having had kids since I was 16 I’m not interested in any way of raising my grandkids. I love them so much but I dont want to spend my 50s and 60s this way. I have a new healthy marriage and I want to spend these golden years with him traveling and doing what I want for a change.
I resent my son so much for doing this. I love my grandkids but I resent the burden they have brought into my life as well. I don’t want to raise them and I’m resenting it everyday. I’d rather be a good grandmother to them.
I feel trapped. As I know deep in my heart I don’t want to raise them. But my son seems to have no prospect of returning and their mother is still a drug addict. DCF has already asked me if I’d adopt them and I just don’t know.
I don’t know what to do. Do the noble thing and raise them even though I will deeply resent it? Or be selfish and tell DCF I can’t adopt them? I feel so conflicted.
bjane02 Wed 09-Dec-20 19:53:17
Lucretzia Wed 09-Dec-20 20:00:11
OceanMama Wed 09-Dec-20 20:07:06
welbeck Wed 09-Dec-20 20:33:37
bjane02 Wed 09-Dec-20 20:45:34
GagaJo Wed 09-Dec-20 20:48:24
Hithere Wed 09-Dec-20 21:09:34
Summerlove Wed 09-Dec-20 22:20:17
V3ra Wed 09-Dec-20 22:41:17
Spinnaker Wed 09-Dec-20 23:16:24
Chestnut Wed 09-Dec-20 23:42:08
Blossoming Thu 10-Dec-20 00:07:27
sodapop Thu 10-Dec-20 09:44:19
Toadinthehole Thu 10-Dec-20 10:10:29
Toadinthehole Thu 10-Dec-20 10:12:10
mumofmadboys Thu 10-Dec-20 10:57:44
Helenlouise3 Thu 10-Dec-20 11:07:28
trisher Thu 10-Dec-20 11:24:20
Bibbity Thu 10-Dec-20 12:15:12
Bibbity Thu 10-Dec-20 12:17:43
sodapop Thu 10-Dec-20 12:21:28
Espana Thu 10-Dec-20 12:33:11
quizqueen Thu 10-Dec-20 12:41:16
Hithere Thu 10-Dec-20 12:50:50
Hithere Thu 10-Dec-20 13:01:18