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Miss, Ms or Mrs

(230 Posts)
Lucyloo12 Thu 10-Dec-20 08:16:53

I sent a Xmas card to a newly separated lady the other day and received a very curt text telling me off as I had put the incorrect title. She said I should have written Miss and not Ms.... I on the other hand have been widowed for 12 years and hesitate when asked what my title is. I am not married so object to Mrs but feel that Miss is also wrong as it denotes never married. Ms just sounds too hard feminist to me so I hesitate over what I am. Can we just forget titles and call people by their name, it feels such an outdated thing to do and really it means nothing apart from putting us in outdated boxes. What to you do or think?

Teddy123 Fri 11-Dec-20 09:42:40

GALAXY I think Lucyloo was referring to the envelope, not the actual card?

I started using 'Ms' for myself as soon as it started appearing on forms for completion. Very handy when I got divorced ?

kircubbin2000 Fri 11-Dec-20 09:42:17

I get cards from a couple of academics and am never sure if they are prof or doc so I usually address to The X Family.

Unigran4 Fri 11-Dec-20 09:42:09

It sounds like your friend is smarting over her new status, even if she is the one who instigated it. However, there was absolutely no need for rudeness however angry she might be

mbody Fri 11-Dec-20 09:41:06

Cross her off your Christmas cad list!!!

Gilly1952 Fri 11-Dec-20 09:39:16

Me again! I wonder if said rude woman has decided to change her surname - she might go back to her maiden name? I’m divorced, but still use my married name. Didn’t see the point in changing it back, but I expect some women feel strongly about these things!

Nicolaed Fri 11-Dec-20 09:35:48

How ignorants! Still it will save you a stamp next year because if it was me I wouldn't be sending one ever again.

spabbygirl Fri 11-Dec-20 09:35:38

I loved being Miss when I was unmarried right up to my 50's, but I could never chastise anyone for not knowing that cos how would they know? Lady, Princess or Dr would be great though!! smile

Gilly1952 Fri 11-Dec-20 09:35:24

What a rude and ungrateful woman she is! She was lucky to get a Christmas card, let alone quibble over how you addressed the ruddy thing! I would be so angry and definitely never send her anything again! Ignorant woman! If I’m not sure what to put, I just write their first name and surname.

chickkygran Fri 11-Dec-20 09:35:13

Well to be quite honest, she’s quite missing the point, you’ve sent a Christmas card, it’s so good to be remembered. I’m afraid if someone sent me a curt message about a title they would be off my Christmas list. I’m sure this lady is feeling the hurt at Christmas following her divorce but her title is something she could bring up at a later date in a more kindly manner

Bluekitchen192 Fri 11-Dec-20 09:32:53

Newly separated! Says it all. She can call herself whatever she likes. Wipe it from your brain and give her warm smiles and chocolate when you see her.

geekesse Fri 11-Dec-20 00:01:33

I don’t like using a title at all, never have, and would prefer just first name, surname, but when I have to use a title, I resent having to indicate marital status or lack thereof when men do not do so. So I spent 7 years researching part-time and writing an 80,000 word dissertation to earn the gender-neutral, marital status-neutral title ‘Dr’.

PollyDolly Thu 10-Dec-20 19:20:53

Vickysponge

Billybob4491

Lucy you could always send her a curt reply back saying you have crossed her off your Christmas list.

My words exactly. Tell her to get lost!

Yes, I'm with Billybob and Vickysponge on this one. Seems rather petty to be honest! In the great scheme of things does it really matter that you got her title wrong, there's far too many things to get genuinely stressed about ! Tell her to "do one", "get over herself", "grow up", "get stuffed"! Shall I continue?

Bridie22 Thu 10-Dec-20 19:10:43

I dont use title, just my first and last name, with forms that insist on a title I choose the " other" option. Dont see the need for the the insistence of a title.

Jaxjacky Thu 10-Dec-20 18:45:00

I’ve kept my married name, Mrs X after divorce and into my current relationship, then marriage of over 20 years. I occasionally, with a bit of frisson, use my current married name in restaurants and hotel bookings.
Lucyloo12 if she’s a good friend, I’d just apologise and say you didn’t know, whilst asking her how she is.

Iam64 Thu 10-Dec-20 18:40:26

Miss is for ladies and Sir for men is the norm

Without wishing to cause even more dissent, I have never been a lady. I was a girl for a long time, probably 18 years or so, then I became a woman and soI have remained. needless to say, Im Ms Woman. Just in case that dismisses me as a miserable mandating feminist, I'll add-happily married for 38 years. Joint homeowners for 40 years.
Does that mean I'm acceptable ? smile

Lucca Thu 10-Dec-20 18:27:36

Esspee

When it comes to teachers surely Miss for ladies and Sir for men is the norm.

It is yes in state schools but I understand it may be different in private schools.

Esspee Thu 10-Dec-20 18:01:23

When it comes to teachers surely Miss for ladies and Sir for men is the norm.

Esspee Thu 10-Dec-20 17:54:02

I’m widowed but with a new partner.
I still use Mrs.P and as it falls to me to do all the holiday and restaurant bookings my OH by default is often addressed as Mr.P. At first it caused amusement. These days we no longer notice it and he happily answers to anything.

Daddima Thu 10-Dec-20 17:37:10

BBbevan

Miss is for unmarried women
Mrs ( husbands initial) married
Mrs ( own initial) widowed
Ms divorced , feminist or just plain prefer that.

That is what I was taught. Nowadays I think you can choose.

That’s what I would say too.

And to add to confusion, my son informs me they have been asked to address their students as ‘Mx’ ( pronounced ‘Mix’, apparently) as they may be gender neutral, non binary, identify as a different gender, or some other thing my old brain can’t get around.

Chardy Thu 10-Dec-20 17:15:48

Divorced. Reverted to my family name 25 yrs ago. Not fussed although when I'm called Mrs and then family name, well that's my mum!

BlueBelle Thu 10-Dec-20 16:56:45

maggiemaybe me too ??

Chardy Thu 10-Dec-20 16:55:19

Your friend sounds very stressed

Maggiemaybe Thu 10-Dec-20 15:48:07

BlueBelle

Now this is very strange I posted that post before I went to work this morning I have just got home and it’s been posted again a few minutes ago literally just before I opened my iPad up
weird or what

I thought I’d had a touch of the old deja vus when I read it, BlueBelle. grin

Lucca Thu 10-Dec-20 15:37:49

I also did not mind being called Miss at school. (It’s a private school thing to add the surname ). In fact a student of mine was for a while my tennis partner and other players were always amused at shouts of “ good shot Miss”

Ascot12 Thu 10-Dec-20 15:33:48

I like using Ms its neither single, married, divorced or widowed just the same a using Mr for men no one knows your status.