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Ageing gracefully: how to say "no" without sounding like a wimp

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MandK Sat 26-Dec-20 23:20:28

I'm fairly new to the forum and hope my question is OK and hasn't been covered before. I am a fairly well preserved 63 year old. At least it seems I look that way!
However, I have recently started suffering from a very painful knee and back, and have been told by my GP it is probably arthritis. Until now I have been very active and am used to helping various relatives with decorating, shopping and odd jobs as well as enjoying going on long walks, joining my daughters in zumba classes etc. I now find these activities quite painful. I have quietly mentioned that I have started to be in pain, have told family I have had x rays and let them know the doctors verdict, but this does not seem to have sunk in. I don't want to come across as a "moaning minnie" or be a drag on people and I am embarrassed to refuse to help and to turn down invitations. My family don't seem to be aware that I cannot always do what I have until now and don't realise that I struggle to lift, carry, get up from low seats etc.
How can I get the message across firmly and clearly but without too much fuss?

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Jane10 Sun 27-Dec-20 16:19:43

ExD. I quite understand. My DH is very good but I find he somehow thinks he lives in a hotel where fairies do everything. However, if I ask him or point out what needs to be done he happily does it but it's the initiative that's missing. It is irritating always having to ask.

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Joesoap Sun 27-Dec-20 16:49:47

I sympathise with you having started with arthritis in my hip( soon to be replaced) and its now in both shoulders I have difficulty saying to people “ I can’t manage” this and that as I have always been independent and would like to continue that way but some days it isn’t possible just explain to people, they will understand. Carry on for as long as you can.

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Jillybird Sun 27-Dec-20 16:49:51

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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Madwoman11 Tue 29-Dec-20 05:34:16

I'm mid 60s and much the same problem as you. I have had to slow down and go at my own pace.
I too have always been active and love walking. My doctor advised to keep as mobile as possible as muscles protect our joints, so I walk still but that's about it exercise wise. I also try to keep a healthy weight so my joints are under less pressure.
As others have said the weather can make pain of arthritis worse. There are lots of information about exercise erc for people like us. As for expectations from others you must be firm and look after yourself.

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M0nica Tue 29-Dec-20 12:49:42

Well, having done a bit of decorating preparation this morning. I have told DD that wall papering (of one wall) will not start until 3.00pm because I need a sit down, She just agreed.

She knows that my stamina has decreased from my glory days when I could keep going all day like a duracell bunny.

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grandtanteJE65 Tue 29-Dec-20 14:25:57

Tell those who ask for help or invite you for a long walk that these activities are no longer possible (even if they are) because of your bad back and knee.

Eventually, it will sink in.

Try to get a proper diagnosis and in the meantime keep warm.

Being cold will aggravate the pain.

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Witzend Tue 29-Dec-20 14:37:24

Just tell them. I’ve had no problems explaining to dds that at over 70 I just don’t have the same energy I had at 50, and a knee plays me up badly now and then, so that any activity involving any steep-ish downhill walking is Out with a capital O, ditto anything involving sitting or kneeling on the floor or grass. If it’s a picnic etc. I need a folding chair - which I’d take myself, except that they’ve permanently ‘borrowed’ all ours! ?

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