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Feeling really Sad and disappointed

(27 Posts)
over60plus Mon 28-Dec-20 09:30:26

We have 2 grown up grandchildren both grown up with children, for Christmas we sent them all presents for both Grandson and partner and his 2 children my husband met Him in a lay-by I am shielding so unable to go passed the parcels over, my husband said in the parcels there are 2 envelopes one for him and one for his partner be careful how you open presents £50 in each plus a nice gift, we had bought presents for his children from a list they had sent, about an hour later got a text message can’t find envelopes are you sure you put them in I replied they are on top of your parcels 2 minutes later found them not even a thank you we did not even receive a Card.
My Grandaughter dropped her presents of and we passed there parcels to her, Christmas morning phone call from her and her partner to say Thank You.
My Greatgrandaughter our Grandsons daughter FaceTimed us yesterday had a chat about Santa hoped she liked her presents, we had sent to Santa we had bought her 2 Nintendo games I asked if they were the right ones, Mummy and Daddy sent them to Santa they were in that bag, so I said sorry I must have got that wrong.

Hetty58 Mon 28-Dec-20 09:40:06

Crikey - I just send the parents money to buy the children a gift. No shopping, wrapping, exchanging - or mix ups.

We don't do presents for adults at all (big family, too many of us). Try making things simpler next year.

Doodledog Mon 28-Dec-20 09:53:57

I'm not sure why you are sad and disappointed.

You have sent very generous gifts to your grandchildren, and as far as I can tell, they have all replied to thank you. They can't have come to see you as you are shielding, so they have texted, Facetimed and telephoned.

I'm sorry if I have missed something, but I can't see the problem. Also, it is very soon after Christmas, so it might be that the children haven't got round to writing thank you letters. As it's also been the weekend there wouldn't have been the to get them in the post even if they had written them on Christmas day.

This year has been a difficult one for everyone. I wonder if that has just got to you a bit, and you are reading more into things than usual?

Lucca Mon 28-Dec-20 09:57:11

Without wishing to be harsh I honestly think if you send or give gifts it should be for the pleasure of giving!

I realise times have changed from when we wrote thank you letters but that’s life !

Hetty58 Mon 28-Dec-20 10:02:11

I agree. Nobody's had a 'normal' Christmas this year, just muddled along and done our best. I'm just glad it's over!

over60plus Mon 28-Dec-20 10:04:27

We did not get a thank you from our Grandson, we did from our Grandaughter

Marydoll Mon 28-Dec-20 10:07:04

over60plus, as fellow shielder, I know I'm overthinking things at the moment, I wonder if you are doing the same. Things I wouldn't think twice a bout, seem to bother me a lot. At least you saw your family on a video chat and received texts. I think you are more fortunate than some.

It's lovely to get a thank you, but I give because I want to, although it's lovely to receive affirmation, I don't expect it.

I would normally have stacks of presents wrapped, but obviously couldn't do that. I got some little mindings and put money into everyone's bank account, explaining why. I'm sure they were delighted to be able to buy what they wanted, the thought as still there. We have to adapt to our present circumstances.

geekesse Mon 28-Dec-20 10:09:21

I think the OP is saying that the GGD’s parents claimed that Nintendo games were from them, not the OP. Is that correct, over60plus?

Bridgeit Mon 28-Dec-20 10:15:21

You have invested a lot of love & emotions in the buying & giving of these presents,which is wonderful, however because of this you feel disappointed because the response you have received does not match your own feelings.This does not mean that they were not appreciated. Perhaps next year or for future birthdays detach your feelings a little bit from the the occasion. Being a Grandparent is a bit of a minefield at times, best wishes you are not alone🙂

Doodledog Mon 28-Dec-20 10:18:02


I think the OP is saying that the GGD’s parents claimed that Nintendo games were from them, not the OP. Is that correct, over60plus?

Ah, I see that now. That's the trouble with the 'sending things to Santa' way of doing things - it is quite a complicated fiction to keep going amongst various family members.

In that case, why not have a word with the parents, and ask them to clarify it with the children? If they have started the fiction, it's up to them to find a way through it smile.

I agree that presents should be given for the pleasure of giving, but part of that pleasure is knowing that the recipients know that the present is from the giver.

Maggiemaybe Mon 28-Dec-20 10:31:22

Don’t take it to heart, over60plus. The “sending presents to Santa” thing will always be a temporary phase anyway. And children of that age probably couldn’t care less where they come from. My DGS are all very young, and only get a small token gift from us, with money going straight into their bank accounts. I worried at first that they wouldn’t think much of the tiny present they got, but I doubt they even know, or care, who’s given what. smile

Bathsheba Mon 28-Dec-20 10:33:48

I've always rather disliked the idea that everything, all the presents from parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles etc, are lumped together and said to come from Santa. If little ones genuinely believe that Santa has brought their new bike, Nintendo, iPad etc, how do they learn to show gratitude to the real givers?

And then there are those whose family tradition is that Santa fills a stocking with small gifts for them, while other presents are wrapped and given to them by their parents etc. How do we explain to them when they ask why Santa gave their friend a bike, but only gave them little presents?

I have to say that I've never come across the idea of 'sending presents to Santa'. Is this something new?

Moonlight113 Mon 28-Dec-20 10:36:25

When I was a child most of the presents in my Father Christmas pillowcase were from Aunts and Uncles. The giver was always made clear as I opened each one. I did find it all slightly puzzling, but it didn't mar the joy at all. tchgrin

Was mean of them not to say the games were from you.

Lucca Mon 28-Dec-20 10:36:53

Bathsheba totally agree.
Stocking presents (hopefully small fun things) from Father Christmas and other presents named , possibly under the tree.

Moonlight113 Mon 28-Dec-20 10:37:58

As for not thanking you for the money, diabolical!

Kim19 Mon 28-Dec-20 10:38:45

I'm with Lucca on this. The joy of giving and all that. Certainly works for me. Not one whit of an interest in thanks. If it happens....nice but I really don't care.

GrauntyHelen Mon 28-Dec-20 10:40:35

Grandson and his partner would not be getting cash gifts next year Grandaughters partnergot similar gift from us 4 years ago no thank you and we were in the same room that was his last!

Alexa Mon 28-Dec-20 10:43:52

Over60plus, I hope by now you ae feeling better. You have thought a lot about your gift giving and you feel the recipients don't love you enough. This is so understandable. But it is not true that not thanking you as you want to be thanked means they don't love you. Of course they love you! You will receive evidence of their love for you sometime somehow.

This period after Xmas is often difficult for many reasons, but despite that, your young relation actually FaceTimed you! I am sure you are well loved and appreciated.

Calendargirl Mon 28-Dec-20 10:46:26

Personally, I think presents from grandparents, aunts, uncles, godparents et al should be given from them, not Santa.

To me, it seems an easy way for the parents to avoid buying anything much for the stockings.

I realise it’s an expensive business nowadays, filling stockings, but if they are getting some nice presents from others, small gifts from Santa shouldn’t be unwelcome.

M0nica Mon 28-Dec-20 11:26:34

We had a Zoom present unwrapping, that way we had the pleasure of watching DGC's delighted faces when they unwrapped their presents - and instant thank yous.

As everyone has submitted wishlists, we knew that everyone was getting something they hoped for.

V3ra Mon 28-Dec-20 11:28:03

I send small gifts to all our great-nieces and great-nephews. Only a token, but carefully chosen and a way of keeping in touch as we are all scattered across the country. These gifts have to be posted.
Last year, as usual, I had a "thank you" from three families and nothing from the other two to even let me know their parcel had arrived.
This year I've just sent to the three I always hear back from (I haven't heard from them yet but it's a bit early still).
It's easy enough these days to send a message and I think it's very rude not to.

lemsip Mon 28-Dec-20 11:41:15

I agree with lucca's post......

monk08 Mon 28-Dec-20 12:20:35

My 5 year old GS informed me that Santa isn't real and that Christmas is jesus's birthday. So he knows who buys his presents and he always thanks the giver.

grandtanteJE65 Mon 28-Dec-20 12:28:52

We had small presents in our stockings from Santa and big ones under the tree from our parents, each other, grandparents etc.

When I asked why some children got big presents from Santa, my mother replied that some parents thought it was more exciting to say all the presents were brought by Santa, but she thought that was silly.

I found the answer quite satisfactory and went on believing in Santa until I was seven.

Iam64 Mon 28-Dec-20 12:37:19

Another one who agrees with Lucca. The pleasure is surely in the giving. Thank you letters are rare these days. The only ones I've had in years come from couples after we contributed money to their wedding (honeymoon).
One of my children videoed her 4 year old opening the gift from me. The level of excitement as the little one jumped up and down with excitement saying "it's the lego I really wanted, I got the lego I really really wanted". It mattered not a jot to me that 'Father Christmas brought it". I appreciated the what sap vid so much.
This year has been a challenge for everyone I know, in various ways. I find counting blessings helps if I'm feeling irritated x