Gilly33, my grandaughter was an angel at school at 7 but, at 9, the school are starting to see what her parents see. She can be violent, obstructive and downright vile. At other times she is caring, beautifully behaved and lovely. The trouble is, she can turn from angel to devil in a split moment, and sometimes back again just as easily.
Social Services stepped into see what they could do...eventually admitted defeat. Her play therapist came around and tried to get her to do what she had to and eventually admitted defeat. My daughter and her husband have been to parenting classes, family therapy, psychologists and nobody is able to see what the matter is. They know my granddaughter has some sensory issues, some anxiety problems and some attachment issues but she only fits the criteria for ADHD, PDA, ODD or ASD up to a point. She has a genetic condition which sometimes goes in hand with a neurological disorder but whatever is wrong, nobody knows. My daughter and her husband are at their wits end and are highly embarrassed to have a child who behaves like she does. She is highly intelligent but isn't self motivated. We are all baffled by her but it is really hard when things are going pear shaped and other people are so judgmental.