Fear for for grandsons prospects

autumnsun DH used to say to me when I was anxious about DC:
"You can take a horse to water but you can't make it drink"
It may be a cliché but it's true.

Yes, praise the positives and if he wants some new device or game etc then encourage him to earn his pocket money to put towards it.

There's no advice that I haven't already given myself but thanks anyway

I have a thirteen year old grandson and he can be a bit of a nightmare but so was his dad. He now runs a successful company and. Lives a very charmed life due to hard work don’t worry it will work out.

Sometimes in families one child is seen as a problem child and regarded as the main problem when really there is much more to it. It sounds as if your son has had a difficult time and children do pick up on things like that. I'd adopt a praise the good and ignore the bad approach. But at 13 he may be wise to that. Give him a hug anyway. They pretend they hate it but it never does any harm.

you can't live someone else's life for them.
however much you care and want to intervene to help.
it just won't work and may repel them, into going further astray. best to offer general support.
sorry you feel so agonised over this, but is it really your responsibility.

Sorry its me again just to say I did discuss talking to you all with my son & he was just grateful as I said its all anonymous & you get great advice so he was fine with it xxx

Yeh well that's our secret plan for him (work in progress). if my ex was retired (not for another 17 months) would be just what he needs because quite frankly I really can't cope as I suffer severe depression all my life & tbh I was just grateful he had his mother's family cos me & my ex had just split up so I will always be eternally grateful you got to be honest about these things & everybody should be proud of their part but I'm just tired thinking of ANOTHER long journey!!!! Thanks guys for listening( years of unburdening)

He probably hasn't found out yet what really interests him - as soon as he finds something he's passionate about he may well become absorbed and work towards that.

He might 'wake up' soon. It's so difficult at the moment working online at home away from friends and classmates.

his 13 year old is lazy has no interest in working hard & expects hel get everything in life that he wants
Perhaps he needs to learn that he can't have just what he wants
without putting in some effort. My DGC have to do some jobs to earn extra pocket money eg wash up, feed the animals, empty bins etc.

I know what you all mean but I had to step back & watch his dad end up with a rubbish job & having two unplanned pregnancy's was a father at 22 now separated (6 years) which I don't want to point that out to him obviously & has always had a chip on his shoulder tbh. He even admits that being near the mother's family hasn't done him any good so again I've alway known that & kept sthum so it's been a long & painful road & has caused my two sons to fall out many times anway that's a tiny bit of background. Also I'm not sure that he's that clever anyway so at best he would still have to work very hard

Do you feel you should have been ‘involved in his upbringing’?
As others have said, 13 is a bit young to categorise him, and it’s really up to his parents to deal with it if they feel there’s a problem. I’d just be there as a listening ear if required.

When I was teaching I often found that the bright boys were less inclined to work than the mediocre girls. Probably its to do with the way that children develop.

It's frustrating when you know they're able but lazy. However, there are opportunities to improve your education and qualifications in both academic and practical fields throughout life. Your GS may find a purpose for doing this as he matures.

DGS did not work at school, never did homework and was always in detention - he argued that the detention was less trouble than the homework! I had some admiration for his logic!

Left school with a couple of bits of paper and went to college to do what he really wanted to do all along - he's top of the class and greatly admired by all.

And he always was a dear boy.

I worried about my sons, who also showed no interest in hard work. They appeared to be glued to computer games, for most of the time, through their teenage years.

Now, they both have interesting, highly paid careers - in animation!

My GS seems to be entering this phase now , he is 10.
Roll on 25.

The problem is he's been like this for 6 YEARS!! & Yes he does have a sibling (7)who is a bit hyper but at the same time Appreciates Everything

Is it just academic work the 13 year old rebels against. If so he is not alone - especially at the moment. Why do you think he has no prospects? There are many examples of very successful young people who had no formal qualifications at all.

He has many years in which to change and decide what he wants from life. Sometimes parents just have to step back and watch for a while.

I could have torn my hair out over DS when he was in his teens, mostly when he was doing his 'A' levels. And the cricket was on TV.
He's now a senior manager in a national firm

I think we, who have been there, know that he will probably be fine. It is so difficult for them all at the moment.

You say your son is a great dad
Your DGS will be fine, I'm sure.

I could have written this three years ago. Nothing has changed and GS blithely expects to get good grades for his GCSEs even though he has done no work during lockdown.
The only consolation is that my son, his dad, was pretty much the same but through dint of hard work, including getting his degree whilst working and with two small children, he is doing very well in his chosen field.
We just have to hope that it is a case of like father, like son, in all respects.

I have the sweetest 18 year old grandson, but my word, lazy as they come and not practical. I wanted him to put my walking exerciser together - he didn’t have a clue.....his 16 year old sister came over put it together within half an hour ?what can I say? I wouldn’t worry too much about your 13 year old.

He’s 13. That alone is hard.

He’s 13 during a global pandemic in which no end seems to be in sight.
- No friends
- No freedom
- Education is messed up
- Stuck with his parents constantly

What exactly does he have right now to actually want to do?

As long as he isn’t doing anything illegal just let him be. All of this is fixable once the world is right.

Ask your son to think back to when he was 12/13. What was his work ethic like? Can you remember what he was like at that age? You say you have a difficult relationship with him. Did it start when he was a teenager? Often sons and fathers butt heads in the teenage years. I would keep out of the arguments and offer a warm,loving place for your grandson.

And yet at the time I felt an abject failure for being unable to deal successfully with my own child. Everyone else seemed to have “easy” children!
We are the absolute best of friends now.
Second son caused me very little heartache by the way.

- and that does not happen often!

I’d say this is a unanimous thread !

Teenage boys are often difficult. It's in their job description. Keep showing him love and good values through these years. That will be important.