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Fear for for grandsons prospects

(38 Posts)
autumnsun Sun 24-Jan-21 11:49:48

My son has just admitted his 13 year old is lazy has no interest in working hard & expects hel get everything in life that he wants he's at his wits end as he has tried understanding being strict etc but has come to the conclusion that his son has NO respect for him(I've guessed this for a long time but me & my son have had a difficult relationship so I haven't really got involved in his upbringing (he has always been involved with his mother's family) I'm really relieved my son has opened up to me at last so it was worth all these years keeping my mouth shut but I'm so so sad after all the work my son has put in he's been a great dad any suggestions?

Galaxy Sun 24-Jan-21 11:55:10

I think it's really difficult to judge whether there is a problem or he is just being 13. My brother wasted his time in his o levels as were, he did no work, wouldnt listen to anyone and failed them. He is now a scientist. Some people do need time to mature and work out what they want. I think the best thing you can do is be a loving supportive presence. It is good that your son is talking to you so maybe just be a listening ear for the time being.

Lucca Sun 24-Jan-21 11:56:01

Bide your time. My DS from 14 on was impossible and bone idle. He’s a happily married father of two and has a good job now.

M0nica Sun 24-Jan-21 11:56:49

autumnsun You are describing a perfectly ordinary normal 13 year old. At that age almost everyboy is bolshie, lazy and generally irritating. It is called puberty or hormones gone mad. Do you not remember Harry Enfield playing Kevin the teenager? If not look him up on youtube.

Tell your son to relax and just ride it through. Nothing he casn do will have any effect on the boy, have a few unbreakable rules and then just ride it out.

By the time he reaches 18 or 19, you will have a pleasant hardworking grandson again.

lemongrove Sun 24-Jan-21 11:58:46

He’s 13! Can you remember how you were at that age?!
With a bit of patience this stage will pass.

jenpax Sun 24-Jan-21 11:59:30

13 is a difficult age! My girls were a nightmare! They are all adult women now with families of their own and degrees etc
I wouldn't leap to worrying about him

Galaxy Sun 24-Jan-21 12:00:51

Actually I think it's better if this period happens early, my rebellion/pain in the but stage was late teens/twenties, it took me longer to 'catch up' to where I wanted to be.

GrannySomerset Sun 24-Jan-21 12:03:13

Our almost 14 year old grandson is quite bright but very lazy. As DS observes, if he put half the effort into doing the work set that he puts into explaining why he shouldn’t be expected to do it, he would be fine. DS is genuinely baffled by this approach but has learned not to sweat the small stuff and hopes that self interest will motivate better things in time. At present, he expects DGS to be either an estate agent or a con man - lots of charm but a tendency to try to take the easy way.

Madgran77 Sun 24-Jan-21 12:04:09

He's 13. He is able to be like that because his father has given him a level of "emotional safety" in his family to kick against.

Suggest that your son googles "talking to your teenager" and " understanding your teenager" ...lots of good advice and tips. Might be helpful for you too flowers

Jaxjacky Sun 24-Jan-21 12:04:51

13, would expect nothing else, my son was a nightmare for a few years too, friends with similar aged children had the same challenges. He’ll grow out of it, eventually!

Oopsadaisy1 Sun 24-Jan-21 12:06:06

I would carry on keeping my mouth shut, it’s normal, please don’t treat your Grandson any differently than you would if he wasn’t just being a 13 year old..

We love them no matter what stage of their life they are at, they will come through the other side with your love and support.

Puzzler61 Sun 24-Jan-21 12:11:22

If your GS is an only child he is probably verbally sparring with his father in the way he would with siblings if he had them (and that is highly annoying too!).
Very sensible advice on here from experienced Grans (as always). 👍

Hetty58 Sun 24-Jan-21 12:15:11

I agree with all those above, in that he sounds like a typical 13 year old. Your son probably has unrealistic expectations and should lighten up a bit!

Sarnia Sun 24-Jan-21 12:27:23

Teenage boys are often difficult. It's in their job description. Keep showing him love and good values through these years. That will be important.

Lucca Sun 24-Jan-21 12:47:32

I’d say this is a unanimous thread !

M0nica Sun 24-Jan-21 12:51:45

- and that does not happen often!

Lucca Sun 24-Jan-21 13:00:29

And yet at the time I felt an abject failure for being unable to deal successfully with my own child. Everyone else seemed to have “easy” children!
We are the absolute best of friends now.
Second son caused me very little heartache by the way.

Grandmabatty Sun 24-Jan-21 18:42:20

Ask your son to think back to when he was 12/13. What was his work ethic like? Can you remember what he was like at that age? You say you have a difficult relationship with him. Did it start when he was a teenager? Often sons and fathers butt heads in the teenage years. I would keep out of the arguments and offer a warm,loving place for your grandson.

Bibbity Sun 24-Jan-21 19:04:29

He’s 13. That alone is hard.

He’s 13 during a global pandemic in which no end seems to be in sight.
- No friends
- No freedom
- Education is messed up
- Stuck with his parents constantly

What exactly does he have right now to actually want to do?

As long as he isn’t doing anything illegal just let him be. All of this is fixable once the world is right.

crazyH Sun 24-Jan-21 19:10:41

I have the sweetest 18 year old grandson, but my word, lazy as they come and not practical. I wanted him to put my walking exerciser together - he didn’t have a clue.....his 16 year old sister came over put it together within half an hour 😂what can I say? I wouldn’t worry too much about your 13 year old.

Cabbie21 Sun 24-Jan-21 19:35:33

I could have written this three years ago. Nothing has changed and GS blithely expects to get good grades for his GCSEs even though he has done no work during lockdown.
The only consolation is that my son, his dad, was pretty much the same but through dint of hard work, including getting his degree whilst working and with two small children, he is doing very well in his chosen field.
We just have to hope that it is a case of like father, like son, in all respects.

Callistemon Sun 24-Jan-21 19:38:02

I could have torn my hair out over DS when he was in his teens, mostly when he was doing his 'A' levels. And the cricket was on TV.
He's now a senior manager in a national firm

I think we, who have been there, know that he will probably be fine. It is so difficult for them all at the moment.

You say your son is a great dad
Your DGS will be fine, I'm sure.

wildswan16 Sun 24-Jan-21 19:51:11

Is it just academic work the 13 year old rebels against. If so he is not alone - especially at the moment. Why do you think he has no prospects? There are many examples of very successful young people who had no formal qualifications at all.

He has many years in which to change and decide what he wants from life. Sometimes parents just have to step back and watch for a while.

autumnsun Mon 25-Jan-21 09:31:17

The problem is he's been like this for 6 YEARS!! & Yes he does have a sibling (7)who is a bit hyper but at the same time Appreciates Everything

PamelaJ1 Mon 25-Jan-21 09:54:55

My GS seems to be entering this phase now , he is 10.
Roll on 25.