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How can I be confident making decisions with a bully controlling manager?

(55 Posts)
GagaJo Sat 03-Apr-21 21:13:55

My boss wants us to be proactive, but then shoots down anything we suggest. On one occasion, I asked her, specifically, what she wanted done (I have no problem being told what to do) and she actually said, 'I don't know what I want.'

WTAF do you do with that????

Madgran77 Sat 03-Apr-21 20:10:17

Maybe turn it round to specifically asking for his opinion as opposed to asking for his help?

As in ...you come to a new proboem. Note down say 2-3 options/solutions. At that point got tyo him and say .."This is the problem. I have found these 3 options as solutions. I would value your opinion on each of them OR I would value your opinion on which one might be best!"

ineedamum Sat 03-Apr-21 19:32:16

Good points, thank you. He has offered training in a new skill which will add to my CV which is great, so no major issues.

At home I set myself a deadline to complete a task, but this wont work in the office. I think I'll practice the courage at home, and try and think from his side.

Sparkling Sat 03-Apr-21 19:24:55

It sound as if he’s out of his depth, he’s paid to manage but obviously can’t. I would keep a record of everything you were picked on and his way of dealing with it, if he sees weak areas in your work he should endeavour to get you to correct it. If he thinks your totally unfit for post he has take appropriate steps and that’s not by humiliating you. You say you know the answers but lack experience, you have to have the courage to act on that knowledge as people can’t keep waiting for you to decide when that will be. Try to see it from both sides.

ineedamum Sat 03-Apr-21 19:17:36

My job is problem solving in an area I'm capable of, but lack experience. The manager will humiliate me for making mistakes but offers no support (he doesn't always know the answers). He scrutinises and nitpicks my work but offers no constructive feedback. He is affecting my motivation and definitely confidence. I feel like giving my notice in even though I have no other job. When I come to a problem, I've barely got the strength to think about it now and I don't feel confident enough to start a new job. Due to my past I always struggle asking for help as I panic when people explain things to me which doesn't help. Other people find it hard asking him for help too, but I have my own issues on top of this.