Code of cooking when having guests.

hugshelp

Do most meat-eaters eat meat at every single meal? We don't. Can't you all have a mac cheese or a meat-free pizza or something?

Those are good options but they have cheese which is not vegan unless you use vegan cheese. I like vegan cheese but many don't. I also make those with gluten free pasta and pizza bases which not everyone likes. For those dishes it wouldn't be hard to do two different versions, so I'd just do that. I'd probably just buy the pizza bases with wheat rather than make them myself though. That makes catering for multiple groups easier. I would read the label to make sure it really was vegan.

hugshelp

Do most meat-eaters eat meat at every single meal? We don't. Can't you all have a mac cheese or a meat-free pizza or something?

Those are good options but they have cheese which is not vegan unless you use vegan cheese. I like vegan cheese but many don't. I also make those with gluten free pasta and pizza bases which not everyone likes. For those dishes it wouldn't be hard to do two different versions, so I'd just do that. I'd probably just buy the pizza bases with wheat rather than make them myself though. That makes catering for multiple groups easier. I would read the label to make sure it really was vegan.

CafeAuLait No! What a nightmare! Thankfully I don't know anyone that controlling.
The allergy side I can relate to - DD had many which result in anaphylaxis if she's not careful. (She has a condition called Alpha triptasemia) One thing she can eat is meat without seasonings but not fish!
So me: Pescatarian, DD1 ditto, DD2 the limited one, 2 x SiL meat eaters. ??
DDs wedding was - varied - the chef said he liked a challenge & pulled it off.
One friend was Coeliac from birth, another - atheist - said she'd given up meat for lent. ? Still happy to host them all.

FHS it’s one meal! Why wouldn’t you cook for someone who is vegetarian?

Some people wouldn’t invite a Vegetarian into their home!!

Unbelievable.

I’m not sure why it’s “controlling” not to eat meat/ dairy as an ethical choice. I also don’t understand why people get into a flap about not eating meat for one meal.

Yet again no return of OP

Veganrock: I was responding to CafeAuLait
Imo it is controlling to go to someone else's home & object to some cheese being on the table or not come because the OP had milk in his tea. Is all.

vegansrock

I’m not sure why it’s “controlling” not to eat meat/ dairy as an ethical choice. I also don’t understand why people get into a flap about not eating meat for one meal.

It's not controlling to choose that for yourself. I applaud people who are able to be fully vegan. I often choose vegan or vegetarian or cook two meals to favour that. If it wasn't for other members of my family, I'd probably have gone vegan full time by now for ethical reasons.

It is controlling to tell people they can't even put milk in their hot drinks in their own home (not the home of the vegan).

Vegan food can be very hard for those with sensory issues. Two members of my family are affected by that. The one time I tried to push it with something on the more gentle end of texture, my child vomited. There are four different eating styles running in my household that I cater to but none of us insist others must follow their own preferences. We never go to someone else's house and tell them what they can and can't do either.

I agree rude ( not controlling) to go to someone else’s house and insist on certain foods, your choice to eat / not eat but not force others, but the OP also queried why veggies didn’t serve her meat when she went to theirs - same thing surely. The OP was dithering about serving vegetarians or vegans, as if it was a huge bother - when these days there’s lots of choices and with a bit of thought fairly easy to to avoid animal products, gluten or whatever.

Maybe it's lack of experience that people find it genuinely hard to know what to do with a vegetarian or vegan?

Another suggestion is for people to do a pot luck kind of meal if they are having a dinner party. Then everyone can be sure of having something suitable for their needs. That won't work if one person insists that everyone can only follow their own preferences though.

If I particularly wanted meat for some reason (e.g. 2 of them would adore roast lamb) then TBH for the other I’d just go and get a really nice veggie meal from M&S. There are masses to choose from now.

A dd and family went from mainly veggie to wholly veggie and no dairy a while ago, but they still have eggs, some from their own chooks, and the Gdcs still have cheese.

I will admit that it’ll be harder to think what to give them now but I did find a nice vegan lasagne recipe the other day, to take on Easter Sunday. Tried out half quantity first for me and dh and it was very tasty. Even the plant-based ‘cheese’ on top was quite passable (M&S). It went down very well.

When we celebrated our Golden Wedding, we had a sit down meal for 14. These included 3 vegetarians, 2 people with serious food allergies and someone with IBS and a hiatus hernia who could not cope with spices or a lot of vegetables.

We decided against booking a restaurant and used caterers instead. I worked with the caterer to bring together a menu with the minimum number of variations to cover this wide range of requirements.

We started with a small vegetable tartlet with salad garnish. Even the lady with the digestion problem could manage that and everybody else could eat it as well. We followed with roast lamb with all the trimmings, with an aubergine dish for the vegetarians and ended with Eton Mess. One of those with allergies had grapes in hers rather than strawberries, but overall we had a really delicious meal, where most of the time we were all eating the same food and as there were three vegetarians, the number of them stopped them feeling like exceptions who caused problems, which they weren't anyway.

Years ago we and a group of friends and neighbours used to get together in each other’s homes about every couple of months, taking it in turns to cook.
One friend was a vegetarian, around the time when it really began to be fashionable.
When it was my turn to host I remember worrying more about what I was going to give her than the rest of us!

Now though we invariably eat out whether it’s with friends or family and it is SO much more enjoyable.

The hostess doesn’t have to keep popping into the kitchen to check on the food, thereby missing the conversation (local gossip!) and in a restaurant everyone can have exactly what they want where everyone’s needs and faddy diets are catered for.

Plus of course once the hospitality industry is fully open again they will need all the support they can get or one by one they will disappear.

Did we ever find out what OP meant by the 'small circle of lockdown' friends she is cooking for?

I'd think that the type of food she is providing for the vegetarian and 'the rest of us' is the least of the problems here.

Stilton I think that you have provided Lucca with op's 'no return' reason.

'Small circle of lock down friends' indeed!

What no one seems to have pointed out yet (apologies if they have) is that when we invite friends/family into our homes to eat it is because we enjoy their company and we want to make them wlecome, so that means, with that sense of goodwill that led to the invite we prepare a meal that we hope they will enjoy. That means respecting those whose principles limit the food that eat, and an awareness of the problems of those with allergies.

With friends coming I will choose my meals to please them. One couple I always serve the simplest of traditional English food. usually a roast with the meat well cooked. For others I will do more adventurous food, currys and other ethnic cuisines.

Similarly, if I am a guest, I will accept what I am given and if I was a veggie or vegan, or had allergies I would let my host know in plenty of time and offer to refuse the invitation, if my limited eating pattern caused problems.

Eating together is an act of friendship and affection and that should be willingly reflected in our care for our friends chosen, or unchosen eating patterns.

suziewoozie I agree. Having been brought up a vegetarian I miss the days of going all the way into the city to the one store that sold a wide variety of options for vegetarians. I miss the wonderful aroma too. Whenever I come across a vegetarian option for eating out I have sometimes, not always, been delighted when I discover a really good menu.

Set a buffet table that includes ethical cold meat, organic cheese, free range shelled boiled eggs , nuts, fruits, wine, beer, and salad veg so people can help themselves to what they want.

Lollin this is an amazing vegetarian restaurant in Manchester. When I was working there a lot and eating out in the evening often with Orthodox Jewish people, we would eat there - it was definitely better than the alternative of the Kosher restaurant ?

www.greensdidsbury.co.uk/

Sorry, I haven’t had time to read everyone’s replies but I just make sure there are vegetable dishes suitable as a side for the majority or a main if you are vegetarian and some vegetable dishes without dairy etc. if anyone is vegan. If I know someone is coeliac I do gluten free and if Muslim the meat will be halal.
I don’t see any of this as being a problem but then I love cooking.

You could word your invitations along the lines of. “We are planning to have Balmoral Chicken for dinner on Saturday. Would you like to come?” Then your guest can excuse themselves if that’s not to their liking.

Some vegans are pretty picky and have issues if others are having meat or dairy - even though they personally have been catered for separately. I have no time for these people - my house my rules, don't like it then don't accept an invitation!

Had friends round for a meal pre lockdown wanted their company but one friend vegetarian. Prepared meal for everyone but made a meal for friend. Simple starter of Melon n then made a vegetarian curry with chickpeas served with rice. Made enough to freeze some as to be honest it was quite nice. Wasn’t any trouble and because unable to have cream popped into Tesco where they have vegetarian small boxes of substitute cream. If you don’t cook for friends very often think it would be nice to do vegetarian meal for your friend. With regard to when you visit her just make polite excuse if you are unable to eat certain vegetables n perhaps she will avoid them in meals she prepares.

Not eating meat is quite normal now. We just serve vegetarian for everyone if there’s a veggie round the table. Lots of brilliant alternative recipes to use now and usually healthier and cheaper than meat. What’s not to like? Even my meat loving husband and son enjoy the odd veggie meal now.

I eat a ketogenic diet but if I went to dinner at someone’s house I eould eat what they produced. If it was that important to me I would offer, alway an offer so as not to offend and give the host a chance to decide., to take stuff that I can eat( I have done this)
It’s up the the ‘fussy eater’ to help make things easier .