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Not invited to wedding

(112 Posts)
Doran Thu 08-Apr-21 18:16:04

I am feeling very hurt that I've been excluded from the wedding of my partners granddaughter. My partner and I have been together for 5 years and have attended family parties, Christmases together.My partner is invited to the wedding however I am not. I do understand that with covid guests are limited how ever all other grandparents have received their invites. My partner got his addressed just to him. Am I being unreasonable to feel very hurt by this

Blencathra Mon 12-Apr-21 06:35:02

Of course he shouldn’t have refused the invitation! These are not normal times - if they were she would have been invited. Tough decisions have to be made with limited numbers.

Hithere Sun 11-Apr-21 23:59:03

Geekesse

Ditto!

GagaJo Sun 11-Apr-21 23:40:17

ajswan, many people his age will have been with their husband or wife for 30 or more years. 5 years is fairly new.
Plus, they're not married. She isn't related to his family. In normal times, yes, she probably would be invited. But now, with such small numbers, the bride and groom have to limit to close relatives. And the grandfathers lady friend isn't a relative.

It is his grand daughter. His relationship with his partner may not be forever, but his grandchildren are. Family first.

geekesse Sun 11-Apr-21 22:37:07

ajswan just because someone has been sleeping with Grandpa for a few years does not make her ‘family’ or give her priority over family members if numbers are limited.

The suggestion that Grandpa should refuse to go if he can’t take his girlfriend is the kind of reasoning I’d expect from a moody teenager, not a mature adult. No wonder some families end up falling out or becoming estranged!

AmberSpyglass Sun 11-Apr-21 21:23:32

If he misses his gd’s wedding then he’s an arse! No one is obligated to invite anyone to their wedding, particularly if they aren’t close. Not inviting partners isn’t unusual if you’ve got limited numbers. It’s just one of those things.

ajswan Sun 11-Apr-21 21:21:26

GagaJo

Limited numbers due to covid, you're not a relative and are still fairly new in his life. It wouldn't bother me in the least if this was the case with my partner.

How is five years fairly new. Limited numbers are not the point as many posters have said. The point is that her partner is going without her which is not on. He should have refused the invitation. AmberSpyglass, exactly, it’s not so bad if they are not living together, but if they are partners that are living together as a couple then they should go together. As I said earlier the partner is an uncaring Arse if he even considers going without her and the GD is uncaring to even think of inviting one without the other.

GagaJo Sun 11-Apr-21 19:27:26

Limited numbers due to covid, you're not a relative and are still fairly new in his life. It wouldn't bother me in the least if this was the case with my partner.

AmberSpyglass Sun 11-Apr-21 15:36:46

Also, what does partner mean in these circumstances? If you live together and fully share your lives it’s one thing, but it’s a little different if you’re just dating essentially.

effalump Sun 11-Apr-21 10:48:00

As has been said previously, numbers are limited. Choosing from Blood relatives and personal friends is going to be a hard enough decision during the current situation. It's time to be gracious and accept that it's the Bride and Groom's day and maybe, if they've been in the unenviable position of having to cancel and re-jig the wedding dates, they've had enough stress to last the next decade or so. Try not to take it too personally and give them your best wishes for the future.

Shropshirelass Sun 11-Apr-21 10:10:52

I wouldn’t worry about it. It is his grand daughters wedding and they have to limit guests. Just enjoy any photos and do something for yourself on the day.

Blencathra Sun 11-Apr-21 07:08:02

I wouldn’t take it personally. My son has put his wedding off another year if he had gone ahead some family members would have had to be left out - we have more than the permitted numbers just with immediate families.

jenpax Sat 10-Apr-21 23:43:49

What I dont understand is why your partner cant have a discrete word with his AC (parent of GD) and ask tactfully why you weren't on the list? That way an explanation could be provided which wouldn't involve the happy couple but might set your mind at rest. Its easy to inadvertently offend and I am certain they didn't intend to here.

Kartush Sat 10-Apr-21 23:00:54

I am wondering if the Grandmother has a new partner and if so have they been invited been invited
Also I think a personal explanation from the granddaughter would have been nice, after all you have been in the family five years, which is a significant amount of time.

Kamj Sat 10-Apr-21 21:40:51

Has the GM's partner been invited? Or is it just the biological GPs?

Wendy Sat 10-Apr-21 21:09:42

JaneJudge Thank you

ajswan Sat 10-Apr-21 20:38:40

Doran

I won't be making an issue I will continue to just smile and get on with it. I'll just make sure I do something brilliant the day with family or friends. Thanks everyone

Doran, that is so good of you and I admire you, but I cannot agree with other posters that you shouldn’t go. You are his partner and where he goes you go. Five year’s for goodness sake. And he is being an Arse if he goes without you. I have been with my Fiancé for nearly two years and neither of us would dream of going to a family ‘do’ without each other and I think that his GD is being rude and heartless. I think that you need to have a talk with your partner as his uncaring attitude does not bode well for the future.

Tanjamaltija Sat 10-Apr-21 20:21:57

"My partner and I have been together for 5 years and have attended family parties, Christmases together..." - but have you met the said granddaughter when there was not your partner's ex-, around? Maybe she gave her an ultimatum, that if you go, she wouldn't, and she had to make a choice.

Jennyluck Sat 10-Apr-21 19:23:43

I think it’s just a matter of numbers. And she’s just been a bit thoughtless not sending a little note in with the invitation.
I’d feel upset if it was me. But times are difficult at the moment.
Don’t take it to heart.

kwest Sat 10-Apr-21 19:19:27

You are being unreasonable. It is not about you. Don't make it about you. They will have had to make a lot of difficult choices to keep the numbers down.
Now shoulders back, chin up and move forward.

LovelyCuppa Sat 10-Apr-21 19:09:25

I would try not to take it personally. 💐 With the groom having half of the invites that's not many places at all left. With her own grandparents, parents, siblings and spouses, children, best friends etc it will quickly fill up.

AmberSpyglass Sat 10-Apr-21 18:54:04

What a horrible, entitled attitude! You’ve been around for five years and sorry, but she probably doesn’t see you as family.

Harmonypuss Sat 10-Apr-21 18:48:15

Flipping predictive text, that should have said...
Also, just thought, does granny have a new partner and have they been invited/excluded?

Harmonypuss Sat 10-Apr-21 18:46:57

Also, just though, does grant have a new partner and have they been invited/ excluded?

Harmonypuss Sat 10-Apr-21 18:39:50

Personally, if my partner received an invite to something and my name wasn't in it, he'd take no notice and take me along anyway.
What can they do once you're there? Kick up a stink and throw you out? Fine, because they would be the ones who look bad and in front of all the other guests.

RosesAreRed21 Sat 10-Apr-21 15:13:50

I would feel hurt if that happened to me

When my stepdaughter was getting married a few years ago (never did take place) she told her dad that I would only be invited to the evening reception