Advice on Parenting a Clingy Child

My dgd started nursery last September aged three and a half. She'd been with a wonderful childminder since she was a year old and has really struggled to adjust. In the beginning she cried every time she was dropped off, but settled after they'd gone. We all feel its routine she likes because if greeted by her own keyworker she goes in much happier than if its someone she's not sure of. Also it different children do different days which can unsettle her. Her Mum who is a teacher herself thinks school will suit her bettrr having the same teacher every day, same teacher, same classroom and same children, so she knows what to expect. I love the idea of the hearts drawn on the hands and if there are issues when she starts school will suggest it.

If she is fine once she goes in then why is it so hard to admit that children ARE manipulative? Of course they are, it is a survival technique. They make sure they get all they need, the person they want to be with and the situation they want to happen
It isn't cruel to suggest she might be manipulative, she is clever!
Possibly it is Mum showing the anxiety, dreading the tears, fearful of the embarrassment and afraid she might be judged for her child's behaviour. All this is well spotted and felt by her child. They are born to be sensitive, it keeps them safe and helps them to thrive
Don't be upset by admitting she might be manipulative, be happy she is bright and clever if not a little devious. It's worth a try on her part, you have to admit!

As a former Early Years teacher, I would like to say that this is quite normal, if she is fine once she goes in. I often used to phone parents after about half an hour to reassure them that their child was fine. And I experienced it myself with DS and then with DGD. I'm sure that you're right that the lockdown hasn't helped.

Making as little fuss as possible works if she's fine when she goes in just drop and leave

Definitely bring something of her mom with her. Some children have fears and they do outgrow them. When my 3 year old granddaughter would cry when she was left with me. I would say "looks like you miss your mums snuggles, let's sit and snuggle. Of which I would tell her as I held her tight that I loved her, that I missed her mother too, that I knew her mummy would be back and I just agreed with her feelings. I think she felt validated, loved, and was able to get a grip on her own. I would offer what we were going to do when she was ready. It all worked. Today, she can't wait to get away. So I say, don't deny, reinforce her feeling is a valid one and offer the truth, and options to do other things than cry.

They do eventually pass through this stage- trust me, ive gone through the 'start nursery/school' stage with 7 of them! Its made worse, when a parent/grandparent lingers it out.I'm sure lockdown hasn't helped, but she will get used to it, I'm sure.(is this your only/first GC going to school? I.e.first time of experiencing this?) It will all settle, when gets used to the routine.

A comfort box was recommended for my grand daughter at nursery. It held pics of mum dad and baby brother , soft toy she took to bed each night and a little tiny square of felt which every member of the family had kissed! She knew where it was and opened it when feeling upset. It really worked and she settled well. Hope this helps- it affects everybody when a child is unhappy.

My granddaughter was still clingy and tearful at nursery at that age but believe it or not we have never had any problems since starting school. Hopefully your granddaughter will be the same.

NotSpaghetti

^She is fine once she goes in^

If this is true, can mum stay a while?

Or maybe it's as someone else said, it's the initial noise that exacerbates the problem and she needs mum to simply get her through the door and to a quieter place?

I'd had to go into hospital far away, twice, for several weeks each time, after our youngest was born. The children were cared for by grandparents.... They seemed fine and settled when I returned home, but when my mother came to visit my usually placid eldest had a melt down and refused to stay at play school. After a chat with the staff, I opted to stay with her for a couple of weeks till my mum went home again. She settled back fine after that. It seemed she thought my mum's return meant that I was going to disappear again. Sometimes it is worth considering the reason for the distress might be in certain circumstances rather than, in some instances, see it as a power struggle...

Separation anxiety and confusion about a new environment are completely natural for young children.
In a Nursery setting a child may understandably be worried by the noise, amount of other children and adults, different expectations, etc, and feel overwhelmed and tearful.
A good idea is to settle down with your child in a comfy book corner and begin to read a story together. The child's keyworker who should be pre-primed about this, can then come and sit beside the child and tell her that she would love to read the rest of the story as her mummy has to nip out to do some shopping.
You can then slip away with a kiss and a wave and tell her that you will be back soon to hear all about the fun activities she has done.
Be upbeat and positive and confident that trained Nursery staff will be skilled in distraction techniques and will ensure your child is treated with sensitivity and kindness.
After a few sessions you will probably be pleasantly cheered by how settled and independent your child is becoming.

I remember being physically prized from my mother's arms aged three, to go to ballet lessons. The bony witch who squeezed her nails into and told me not to be stupid haunted my dreams for decades. No help to OP, apologies! Hearts seem a lovely way to go, can't be lost, another child can't find or mock them and it's a quiet reassurance that lasts all day.

I went to Summerhill School and as silverlining48 mentioned, I was free to attend classes if I chose. I could also choose to work in the school garden or on the farm, make dens in the woods, potter in the pottery or do a spot of welding in the workshop. By the time I was 16 I could service and drive a car, repair electrical items, plant and grow vegetables, build a bookcase (yes, it sagged a bit) and was a pretty good potter. In all likelihood I would've been able to spend all day on my ipad or phone...if I chose to.
With few academic qualifications I was selected to join the Diplomatic Service where, after 2 years in the FCO in the Private Office of the then Foreign Secretary, I was posted as an attache to the British Embassy in Burma. I have been happily swanning round the world since then.
Not bad for someone who was "unschooled" with fees paid for by the Social Services!!

Whoops sorry - wrong thread. Will repost

This happened with my daughter. Eventually, when leaving her one morning I told her : "It's not part of it, you know, you don't have to cry when you go in". She didn't cry any more after that.

She was a child who always wanted to do things the correct way, and after her first morning and possibly other children crying, she must have thought this was how it should be!

Maybe worth remembering that the last year or so has been very disruptive and strange for children also. With so much talk of sickness and death it can be very hard for small children to know what is safe. I wonder was she like this prior to lockdown? Maybe she is unable to voice or even recognise fears about her mum getting sick and is worried when she is out of her sight. Just a thought

My daughter used to hang onto my leg and scream when I took her to nursery school but apparently she was fine as soon as I was out of sight. This was quite a few years ago and she has grown up to be a very independent successful business woman. They do make you feel rather guilty at the time though!