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Advice on Parenting a Clingy Child

(66 Posts)
PaperMonster Fri 30-Apr-21 20:22:51

First of all, I’d say she’s not clingy, she’s attached which is healthy. I used to go into nursery with mine and she’d be ok if I went with her to the breakfast room and left her there, but not if I left her in the play area - I think it was the noise that unsettled her. Even now, at 9, when my parents collect her from school she asks how long I’ll be if I’m not there by a certain time and looks out of the window to see if she can see my car.

emmasnan Fri 30-Apr-21 09:29:52

This is common and if she's fine once she goes in there's probably no great concerns.
Try not to make a big thing of it, a quick but loving goodbye might be best. Try not to discuss the problem with others in front of her so that she doesn't feel its a big issue.

BlueBelle Fri 30-Apr-21 06:02:56

When I first left school I worked as a teaching assistant in the nursery class it was so common... you d have some kids running in eager as a new puppy, some having a little hang back then being fine, and some that were incredible clingy and crying or in some cases screaming and hanging on like a limpet
The small bit of mummy to keep is a lovely idea but can be lost causing more distress I read of one mum who drew a little heart inside the child’s hand and one on hers and told the little one that if they got sad to look at the little heart and know mummy was thinking about her
It is normal though and will pass the less you worry or make a big deal of it the less she will don’t make a big thing if it

Carolynoco Fri 30-Apr-21 02:22:38

Thank you everyone for your very helpful suggestions. They all make good sense and we will take them on board. A problem shared is a problem halved. Thanks again.

pandapatch Thu 29-Apr-21 22:06:41

My grandson responded well to a picture chart showing the things that would happen till it was time to go home eg playtime, snack, outside play, lunch, play, storytime, home.

Gelisajams Thu 29-Apr-21 21:54:33

My granddaughter responded well to her mum drawing a little heart on both their hands as a little reminder that they were apart but still in each other’s hearts.

grandmajet Thu 29-Apr-21 21:39:34

She is still very young. My youngest daughter was clingy at that age. I remember chatting as cheerfully as possible about anything and everything on the way there, handing her over, with a quick kiss, to a member off staff, and leaving.
Is it possible with current restrictions to invite a friend from her class home to play, maybe with her mother, so as to form bonds outside the nursery situation?
By the way, my daughter is now a confident and competent adult.

ValerieF Thu 29-Apr-21 21:26:11

Hmmm just part of life I am afraid. I remember crying for weeks for my mum when she left me at school too. No option only to go though is there? Especially if she is 5 and not 3. Where I live children move on to actual school by 5 not nursery

All you can do is persevere and ignore the tears. Unless, as someone says, there is any reason to suspect it is not a good nursery? Eventually she will accept that - this is life!

Grandmabatty Thu 29-Apr-21 16:20:25

Look up separation anxiety disorders. You and your daughter will find lots of helpful suggestions.

AGAA4 Thu 29-Apr-21 16:18:59

I remember my mum leaving her favourite gloves with me when I had to stay in hospital. Parents were only allowed in at visiting times in those days. I knew she would come back for her gloves.

Ilovecheese Thu 29-Apr-21 16:15:03

I know that nearly five is not a baby but it is still very young, this will pass, GrannySomerset makes a good suggestion. If you are patient and kind and do not try to "toughen her up" (I'm sure you wont) she will gradually feel more secure. You are probably right that lockdown has not helped.

tanith Thu 29-Apr-21 16:14:42

Has Mum tried after making sure the child has been given into the care of a trusted nursery person saying one goodbye and walking away. If she’s fine once Mums gone then the quicker the better.

timetogo2016 Thu 29-Apr-21 16:10:59

Great advice GrannySomerset.
I did just that when my 1st son started school and it worked wonders in less than a couple of weeks.
I gave him my silk scarf so it didn`t take up much room in his school bag.

Carolynoco Thu 29-Apr-21 15:53:57

Worth a try. Thank you.

GrannySomerset Thu 29-Apr-21 15:41:53

Sometimes giving the child something of Mummy’s (a scarf which smells of her) to look after can help. It’s a physical reminder that the child will be going home to give it back to Mummy. Found this very helpful with DS when at this stage (he soon lost the scarf and didn’t need it to remind him that all would be well). Small children live in the moment and can’t imagine even a close future.

Carolynoco Thu 29-Apr-21 15:37:54

My granddaughter doesn't want to leave her mother at the nursery door. She cries and says she will miss her Mum. This has gone on now for about a month. She is fine once she goes in but this behavior isn't changing and is becoming a drama every day. She is nearly 5 so not a baby any more. We have tried someone else taking her to nursery with various degrees of success. I think being with her Mum all through lockdown hasn't helped. My daughter has tried sitting her down and talking to her and reassuring her that she will always collect her but nothing has changed. She doesn't want to leave her Mum and if I'm looking after her she just keeps saying tearfully "I miss my Mummy". Does anyone have any experience of how to deal with this successfully. I'm not sure if she is just manipulating her Mum!!! Am I being too harsh? Any help gratefully received.