Going Back to your Maiden Name

I don’t use my married name, but retained the surname from my previous marriage. Mainly because it’s my children’s surname, the amount of paperwork involved would be a pain and it’s what I’m known as. The only people that acknowledge it are MrJ’s family when cards are posted etc.

In my definition of myself I am and have always been M0nica Smith, the name I was born with, not Mrs M0nica Brown. Also to be honest I liked my maiden name and never wanted to lose it, and while my DH's surname is relatively unusual, I do not really like it. There was at school with me with the same surname and I am conscious that, even then, I did not like it.

The other thing that I object to more as time passes is that the tradition of a woman dropping her maiden name and taking her husband's name was because, with marriage, she became his chattel, not a person, but a possession he had posessory rights over, with few or no rights of her own and this applied to their children as well.

I’ve been married so long that I really can’t remember what it was like to have another surname. As has been mentioned, back in the sixties you were expected to change your name. I wouldn’t go back to my maiden name but I would love to change my surname to my father’s original , Polish, surname that he had to change when he was posted to Germany with the British Army of Occupation.

Divorced after h walked out, did think about changing back to my maiden name, but it was the children’s surname, and besides think about the paperwork, and cost to do it legally.

Msida First am so sorry for your loss, I can't begin to imagine what it must be like to lose your partner/DH and make the adjustments to a new life without that person. I suppose for everybody it's different and nobody can begin to understand unless they have had the experience themselves.
If you feel you want to go back to your maiden name then maybe it's right for you.
I've taken my DH's surname on marriage forty four years ago and am quite happy with it, after all I've used it much longer than my maiden name so am not planning to change it.
I wish you well in the months/years ahead.

I kept mine even after divorce because I wanted to have the same name as my sons, and grandchildren.

Lin52 I reverted to my family name upon divorce and it didn’t cost anything. (Although I’d never changed my passport to my married name otherwise I’d have had to pay for that). Unless you change your name by deed poll, the surname given to you at birth is your legal surname. However, it can be time-consuming. I’ll not change my name again.

I changed back to my maiden name as soon as my then husband had gone. I could not bare to be associated with him. My DS and DD changed to my new DH name as soon as they were able at eighteen.

Thank you for your comments much appreciated

I only use mine in connection with stuff related to the children, schools etc. It seems easier for other people then. Otherwise I use my own name.

Msida, sorry for you loss.

I haven't heard of anyone reverting to their maiden name after being widowed, but if it feels comfortable for you then go ahead. You are in a stage now where you need to reaffirm your identity now that you are not part of a couple.

I also think it is how you are known by your acquaintances , professionally and by family. Personally, no one would know me by my maiden name, since I married young and was new to town. If ever I moved back to my home town, they would only know me by my maiden name.

Give yourself plenty of time to think on the pros and cons, and do what feels right for you.

I remember when I married the passport in my new name had to be sent to the vicar to give me after the ceremony, mind you, it was the dark ages. I would have to think long and hard about changing my name, partly because of the palaver of informing ‘all interested parties’.

Reverted back to my family name after I divorced when I changed jobs. I wrote to various people (bank, Inland Revenue etc). I waited until my passport ran out until I changed that. I don't remember paying anything? But I don't remember paying anything when I got married and changed my name, either.

I kept my married name after I divorced as it wasnt me who had changed and didnt see why I should be inconvenienced.
Twenty years on and I still feel the same...although I certainly have changed.. in lots of ways!!

In my opinion when you are widowed you are still Mrs X as before, but when you divorce you are no longer Mrs X so you can revert to your maiden surname and become Ms Y.

You can be you and use your born surname at any time, whether you are married widowed and single.

Women changing their name with marriage is the one argument of the anti-marriage brigade that I support.

M0nica I’ve always maintained that my surname is and always will be my maiden one, but till legislation changes, I am known as Mrs X for practical purposes. I’ve never ‘changed my name’.