Politely tell your neighbour your condition is tiring you out and you need to rest more. If they have relatives suggest that the relative can do the online shop for them from now on. You should not be filling in details on their cheques this is not your responsibility. If any money went missing you could be blamed for it especially by a relative who is unaware of the situation.
25Avalon
Are their children aware of the situation? If not someone should let them know so that they take over responsibility. Now lockdown is over and they will both have had their Covid vaccinations there is no need for you to continue with and do more than you have already kindly done. It is not fair on you.
Yes, their children are aware. The one who lives far away bought me a Christmas ivy plant by way of thanks and said that they help their neighbour, adding "it's what you do, isn't it".
Thank you for your replies. Yes, they are aware of my ill health because I'm not able to work. Sometimes the door has knocked and I've not been dressed, plus I rarely go out. I've offered to show them how to shop online - they could even use my WiFi, but they aren't interested in learning. They now get their online shop and also go to the supermarket to do a bit more shopping but only ask me if I need anything if I happen to bump into them on their way out. Not tgat I want them calling, but my relatives point out that things work both ways. They have each other and some family in the nearest city, but I have no one close, my family is 50 miles away. I have managed to do it, which makes me wonder if I'm being unreasonable, but I have myself needed home help and a dog walker, which I pay for when required. Whereas they are squirreling money away and getting reduced rent!
Are their children aware of the situation? If not someone should let them know so that they take over responsibility. Now lockdown is over and they will both have had their Covid vaccinations there is no need for you to continue with and do more than you have already kindly done. It is not fair on you.
This must be very difficult. Are they aware you have ME and its implications for your day to day life? Could you say that you have been happy to support them recently but you will need to stop doing so in X weeks time? Give them notice. Gently suggest their children need to take over this task. It is horrible situation to be in and I sympathise. There are times that you have to put yourself first.
I think you have to get your big girl pants on and just tell them that you can’t do anything more for them as you are ill.
If this doesn’t work, Lock your gate, if you see them in the garden, just wave , don’t start a conversation, get some headphones and listen to music, if they wave to you, just point to your ears.
oh and never let them into your home
If this doesn’t work then you will have to ignore them.
It’s a shame but you are not their carer.
Hello. I'm new by the way. ?
I've been doing online shopping for my 83 year old neighbours for over a year now, since first lockdown. This is unpaid and sometimes they give me some chocolate or £1 for a treat, but that's fee and far between now.
Not that I want to expect anything, but the issue is that I am unwell with ME and looking after myself, home and two pets is difficult enough. I have had to open a bank account where I can pay their cheques in online due to where I live (village, no local shops) and they can no longer be bothered to even fill in the date or name on my cheques, I even fill in the amount.
They have told me that they can no longer manage a supermarket shop and would I mind still helping. I said no - what could I say! What annoys me is that I know that they are putting money away for their adult children, one who lives a few miles away, but they won't get help despite admitting to struggling with the housework.
So now I am spending about 15-30 minutes each week doing the online shop for them and now lockdown restrictions are more flexible, it's feeling intense again because the lady tends to show up unannounced once a week and this has started up again.
Last week, I was in the garden, hands covered in dirt and she rang the bell THREE times. I answered and she could see I was busy, and I said I was about to nap (as I do each afternoon). She carried on talking, as has happened a few times and I made the mistake of asking if she wanted to pop her head in to see the garden. She was in like a shot.
I felt stupid after, as I've been here before. I've previously been asleep and she's come round and stayed for 40 odd minutes when I've genuinely felt very ill. Even though I've told her I'm tired, she edges her way in.
It's intense too because when I go out and happen to pass her front door, she calls me. I now inwardly recoil.
I know it seems selfish, a generous heart would do it, but I feel trapped. I'm at home 99% of the time managing my ME and even in the garden, if I make a noise, she calls me. So I've put up privacy screening, which I've seen her and hubby peer through.
They are nice people, but I have lived here the least time and wonder why other neighbours don't get more involved when they've known each other for over 5/15 years! I feel uncomfortable and yes, I am a bit of a home bod who wants no unannounced visitors.
I have thought about locking the front gate so I can sleep without worrying that the door will go, and I go the other way to avoid crossing their path.
Would anyone have any helpful advice please?
I am not very assertive and quite avoidant so confrontation etc would be hard.
Thank you. ?
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