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Did your Mum ever say she loved you?

(178 Posts)
Foxglove77 Sun 13-Jun-21 18:07:32

Just that really. I can't remember my Mum ever saying that to me, although she hugged me when my old dog was pts. So I was surprised when my brother called her and at the end of the call, she tried to hide and said I love you too.

I've never said it to my children which I feel sad about now, but my grand daughter says I love you Nanny quite often. I always say I love you too.

Is it an endearment you pick up from your parents?

JdotJ Wed 16-Jun-21 12:29:02

I don't ever remember hearing her say she loved me.

Petalpop Wed 16-Jun-21 12:29:13

No and I cannot say I remember her telling me she loved me or ever giving me a hug. She was quick to slap me one given half the chance. So I made a decision that I would always tell my children that I loved them and give them a big mum hug and still do. Never laid a finger on them either.

Alioop Wed 16-Jun-21 12:33:33

Never said the words, but knew in my heart she did. I never had children of my own, but I know I would of told them if I had. My mum only hugged me if I was upset, never as a greeting and stiffened if I ever hugged her. It's sad now when I think of it ?

Lizzie44 Wed 16-Jun-21 12:48:53

No, I never heard "I love you" from either of my parents. I don't remember hugs and cuddles either, but I don't remember ever feeling "unloved". Attitudes to children were very different when I was growing up in the 1940s/50s. Children were to be seen and not heard. Life did not revolve around children in the way that it does nowadays. Similarly, I wasn't praised as a child and certainly no one talked about feelings - whether you were happy or sad or worried. Parenting nowadays is much more challenging (so many issues to deal with, particularly with teenagers) and I greatly admire modern parenting skills. Who'd have thought in my day that parenting required skills?

I wish I'd been more demonstrative in my love for my children and my (now adult) grandchildren. My DDs recently asked me a lot of questions about my life, one of which was about "any regrets". In response, I said how much I wished I'd given them more hugs and cuddles. I've told them how much I love them. Better late than never.

Bluecat Wed 16-Jun-21 12:50:04

Yes, she told me often. I don't remember my dad ever saying it, but I know that he loved me. I didn't say it to him either, so I hope that he knew. We became much closer when he was dying. Somehow we were more able to show that we cared, when he was very ill and I was helping to nurse him.

After he died, I regretted that I had not told him I loved him. I made sure that I told my mum that I loved her, though that came more naturally because I was much closer to her than to my dad.

I have always told my kids and grandkids that I love them, and they say it to me. I am glad, because it's hard to look back and wish that you had said it when you had the chance.

BusterTank Wed 16-Jun-21 12:59:10

My mum told me she loved me every day and I now tell my daughter , I love her every day .

jacalpad Wed 16-Jun-21 13:09:33

Never that I can remember. Nor hugs. I have always said it to my children and my grandsons. I’m thrilled and consider myself lucky that my two grandsons give me a hug and tell me they love me. At 17 and 19 years of age, I thought they might have become embarrassed and given up endearments! Thankfully not. I had my first hugs last week since March last year! They have grown so tall now, and dwarf me! It was wonderful.

grandtanteJE65 Wed 16-Jun-21 13:12:16

My mother said so frequently. Not in the way that apparently is fashionable in America, instead of saying good-bye to your children, but she certainly said it.

This was fine when I was little, embarrassing when I was a schoolgirl, excrutiating when I was a teenager and all right again when I became an adult.

My father, a taciturn Scot, never actually used those words, but he did turn to my sister and me when we got home from my mother's funeral and said, "I don't know how I would have got through today without you two lassies."

That meant more to both of us than if he had said he loved us every day of our childhood.

Glenfinnan Wed 16-Jun-21 13:25:49

Mum never said it …but I knew she loved me!

Talullah Wed 16-Jun-21 13:29:35

My Mum never said it either. And I didn't to her. I know she loved me. And I'm sure she knew I loved her. But we just weren't the I love you types. However, I have a couple of photos of her dotted round the house, ( she died 3 years ago) and I will tell her ( or her photo) I love her every day now.

Kerenhappuch Wed 16-Jun-21 13:30:55

I don't think she did, and I would have been gobsmacked if she had.

I say it often to my sons when they ring up, and to my grandchildren.

Treetops05 Wed 16-Jun-21 13:31:26

No, and I didn't feel loved. The closest to an admission of care was 'you're the only one I didn't plan and the only one I couldn't manage without' Not a loving sentiment and hurtful to my siblings

GrannyBeek Wed 16-Jun-21 13:31:49

Things change through the generations. My parents never said it to me, so I was determined to say it to my children. Still do, although son is embarrassed! With the GSs, they always kiss us on the lips (not during Covid obvs), so that’s something different.

timetogo2016 Wed 16-Jun-21 13:43:12

Yes,every day and dad did too.
I say it to my family and get the same response.
And we always give eachothera kiss on the cheek and a hug when we first meet,then when we leave.
It`s nice to be loved.

Joesoap Wed 16-Jun-21 13:48:04

My Mum often told me and my brother she loved us I tell my children and Grandchildren I love them but perhaps not often enough

Ali08 Wed 16-Jun-21 13:55:32

My dad did. But I don't know about my mum. She may have but I don't actually remember her saying it. We were generally at loggerheads with each other!
I think it was just expected that you knew they did, back then, or knew they didn't. I always felt she didn't!
When our children were expected, their dad & I made a promise to ALWAYS tell them, not just leave them wondering. And the same goes for their children!
I think it makes all the difference in the world, but others may disagree with me!!

Childofthe60s Wed 16-Jun-21 14:10:30

My mother only told me she loved me on 3 occasions, all of which were instigated by me saying "I love you mum" which she rather awkwardly reciprocated. I never wanted my children to feel the way I did, so always made a point of telling them I loved them and openly displaying my love with words of endearment and hugs etc.

Now my grown children are tactile and tell each other they love one another when ending calls or going out. We regularly say "Love you" to one another just because we do, rather that just as a gesture when leaving. It warms my heart that everyone in my family knows that they're loved and are reminded of that daily.

Their friends have commented over the years how sweet it was that they said "Love you" to us or their siblings when ending a call. Only during their early teens was it mumbled a bit in front of mates, but they soon forgot any embarrassment, when friends said they wished their families were so free with the phrase.

katy1950 Wed 16-Jun-21 14:35:55

No never

kjmpde Wed 16-Jun-21 14:42:49

only once. We were having a discussion about experiments on animals (which I am against). Then my mom said she would prefer an experiment on a dog as she believed ( I do not) that experiments on a dog would benefit me if I was ill and she did not want to lose me as she loved me. That was about 50 years ago. I never felt as though I was not loved by either parent . i had a secure and loving childhood .

springishere Wed 16-Jun-21 14:43:02

Never. I don't think it was done in the 40s and 50s - stiff upper lip and all that. I was never praised, only criticised, so have made sure to praise my own children.

Bijou Wed 16-Jun-21 14:48:25

Never. She favoured my younger sister and when we were little was always kissing and cuddling her. Was surprised when returning from leave during the war she suddenly kissed me.

BelindaB Wed 16-Jun-21 14:53:14

My mother never said anything even remotely like that to me, even when I was in hospital and thought to be on my last legs. Neither did she ever touch me lovingly - in fact the only time she did was with a fist or open palm.

I ALWAYS made it a point to tell my children I loved them and also, to be very tactile with them. There were times in my childhood when I positively ached for a hug.

My children and grandchildren all tell me they love me and I tell them so, as well.

Greciangirl Wed 16-Jun-21 14:57:07

No never.
And I agree with Winterwhite’s sentiment.

I have a friend who speaks to her adult son at least twice a day on the phone and repeats “I love you” every time.

I find it Embarrassing when I’m in her company.

Auntybody Wed 16-Jun-21 14:57:34

Not as such, just like most of the others that have responded.
However, after my dad died my mum told me how much he had been touched by a conversation that we had when I was about 18, when I asked him if he knew that I loved him (he was not my genetic father). When he dies suddenly overseas it was a massive comfort to me too to know that he knew it.
I say it to my daughters and granddaughter, and sometimes to my mum, though it feels less usual with her.
Regardless of what is said I always knew I was loved.
I would be hurt though if I heard my mum try to hide saying she loved one of my siblings. It’s not the saying of it, fir instance one of us is a natural hugger and the others aren’t, it’s the trying to hide it.

grannybuy Wed 16-Jun-21 15:04:50

Never, and hugs weren’t the ’ done thing ‘ either. I’m not very good at saying it, but I’m sure they know. One DD says it to her two teenage daughters constantly. They say it back, then treat her badly. No doubt this will change as they mature.