Moving

Thank youAepgirl such a lovely encouraging thing to say, thank you so much it means so much to hear that x x

So helpful reading these posts, shocked that I am not alone in making such a mistake in moving house, , if that is what it was.

From the very bottom of my heart thank you for taking the time to post and thank you for all the advice and kind words

Thank you so much x x

Wow Granmarderby10 that was powerful and so so helpful I can't thank you enough thank you x

What a brave step to take. Well done Msida. You will find that, in the winter, your smaller house will warm up quicker than your last house, so your bills will be lower. Take each day separately - try to go for a walk to acclimatise yourself with your new area, and make new friends.m

I have great admiration for you.

Get a rescue cat, join a Meetup group, don't do anything to your new home for a few months just live in it and get used to it. Can you use a computer? If not go to the library and learn how to use it, to go onto websites to pay bills, it's cheaper online. Say 'hello to neighbours. You don't have to do all of the above straight away, have a pj day, pamper yourself, take care xxx

I had a similar experience four years ago, though because of divorce after a long marriage. I had to sell the former marital home (four-bed detached) and move into a smaller property; took a year to sell the house and ages to find a property I liked. I also moved to a different region. It took a good couple of years to settle into my new place and to come to terms with living alone after so long. However, I’ve done it and you can and will too. You’ve been through such a lot, so be kind to yourself and do things gradually. I was forever moving my furniture around - indicative perhaps of how unsettled I was feeling - but I’m now fine with where everything is. I’m also enjoying putting my own stamp on my home.

I'm glad I read this thread. I lost my husband 6 months ago. The house was too big for us even before that and I wanted to downsize but he didn't. I am going to move but I am going to leave it until at least 18 months. I need somewhere smaller but I'm going to take 18 months and downsize my belongings and what's in the dreaded loft first. I think what the OP did was very brave a d I hope everything works out for her soon.

How about posting what the advantages are in your new home? It might help you re-frame this new situation and put a positive spin on it. Also consider joining groups, whatever fits in with your interests. Good luck. xxx

Several of my friends who have lost their husbands have said it took them 2 years to feel they had made a new life.You are very brave to have made the move,do you have children to support you or maybe consider counseling or good friends to meet up with———- maybe join a local class or group,return to a hobby you have never had time for, join a Book Club or something you have always wanted to be involved in——- very best of luck,Gransnet will always help ?

I am a widow and moved two months ago into a ground floor small flat from a 3 bed roomed semi with a large and lovely garden. The house is just bricks and mortar but I do miss my garden so much. However I have a very bad back and have cancer and knew that I needed to move from the top of a hill to somewhere more practical for me. I live alone and still miss my husband very much. He was a lovely man and my friend as well as my husband. What matters to me now is still being in control of my own life. This way it may not be what I would have chosen but at least I have been able to decide where and when I moved and what I took with me. So many people stay until they really cant manage and end up having to go where other people choose , due to illness or family pressures. It has been hard being without my piano etc.and I am still surrounded by boxes and chaos but we have to get some good things from this. Whilst the summer is here the unpacking can wait. I recommend the NGS the national garden scheme or we know it as the Yellow Book. You dont have to belong to anything and in your local library you should find the local county book or look up on line and it will give you a list of gardens to visit. Most are on a sunday, cost about a fiver to go and see a wonderful garden. The booklet gives you address and type of garden etc. Some sell plants - wonderful - some also do teas etc. You have the pleasure of looking at a lovely garden, may get ideas for your own and if you have a garden in your new place you can collect lovely plants well grown and it will give you ideas for your own place. The library is definitely the first port of call when I move as they have lists of all the addresses of many types of clubs etc so again gardening clubs in the locality , also hardy plant society is a great place to start. Always friendly people , as the name says hardy plants that are likely to thrive and a chance to again visit gardens and meet a group of people with similar interests. There are very few things that are good about being on your own but after years of suiting family needs and other people it is also good to just allow time to think what YOU enjoy and want and things you wont miss such as having to cook at set times and large meals. Now you can eat what you fancy when it suits you. if you cant sleep you can put the light on and read , what about the places you preferred but didnt get to? I have lived abroad and moved a lot and found that there were certain things that I needed , classical music, books to read, but also social things, so I have done quite a lot of volunteer jobs and I read on "talking newspaper for the blind" ,which I have done in various places, done hospital car for over 10 years - cant do it now as am 76 and covid problems. Whatever appeals to you the library will have the contacts list and is in itself a great place to browse and find new interests. I know that at the moment I am living in a tip but if you try and do it too quickly you put things in the wrong place and then only have to move it again. Be kind to yourself. If funds allow go out for lunch once a week and try lots of different places until you find the ones that suit you. Look around at parks national trust and rhs gardens etc. as if you were a visitor on holiday and learn about your new place. I am a singer and have been all my life so again I always look to see what choirs there are and go and listen to them and decide which one I want to join. Doing something like that allows you to meet many people without commiting yourself too much too early. Walk along your street and see what plants are growing in local gardens and learn what sort of soil you have and if you see people in the garden you can ask them about their plants and what type of soil it is. Accept that it will take a while to get settled in. Just try to find something to enjoy every day whether a good cup of coffee or something you have seen. Dont keep asking yourself if you have made a good choice or like your new home, just plod along day by day and take what pleasures you come across and then one day you will come in from shopping or a day out and it will seem you have come home. Oh the other thing I did mean to say is to look around and find somewhere like a moor or a seashore where you cannot be heard and then you will have somewhere to go and scream and shout and cry when you want to!!. I do, and often just knowing it is there I dont actually have to go there but when I need to I do and feel a lot better for it. I shout at the unfairness of life and swear sometimes and stamp about until I am exhausted and usually I do sleep better that night!! You may or not want to do that or you can just stay at home and write it all down and then enjoy ripping up the paper and burning it in the garden! Put your favourite chair in a good position near a window, put a good lamp nearby to read by and keep a little store of treats close by such as magazine, chocolate and your favourite perfume so that when the day is tough you have a little corner to hide in and recover. I wish you good luck and hope things will gradually improve. do let me know how things go.

I'm so sorry for your loss. And what a challenge, moving home. You are amazing! I'm not in your position, so don't feel able to opine, but the first thing I'd do would be to get a spaniel so you can get used to your new lives together. Then I'd have a garden housewarming ( my parents were always moving house and I'm often the 1st one in any situation to ask others round - even if I'm the newbie). And if your house feels small, put BIG mirrors everywhere. I've just bought 2 really large ones for our bedroom to make it feel bigger and brighter. And the one in our sitting room is more than a third of the size of the wall... it reflects the light and looks great.

I moved in 2019 to a 2 bedroom bungalow from a big house with a big garden. I am so glad that I did this, now I have a small manageable house and garden and can spend time doing lots of things I enjoy. Perhaps you have had too many stressful things back to back, i.e. the death of your husband and a move so give yourself time to get used to this new life you have. Remember yours is a grieving process for a person and a place that held memories, now you have to make new memories in a new place. I wish you luck and happiness.

Two very stressful events in close succession. No wonder you feel this way. So sorry for what you are going through. I'm sure you will soon learn to love your new home and make if your own. Perhaps remind yourself why you moved which I am sure is for all the right reasons. Many people would say you have done the sensible thing by downsizing as it will give you financial security. But it will just take time. Do be very kind to yourself and maybe plan some lovely treats or get togethers to look forward to. You deserve it! x

I am so sorry for your loss, and for how lost you feel right now.
When my husband died, I was living in what had been his home. It was big and miles away from my family and full of reminders of his illness.
When I married him, I never sold my tiny home but rented it out to family. After about 8 months after he died my tenant/ niece, gave notice so I decided to move back to my old home.
I felt like you do, lost, cramped and trapped. I moved in the summer and as a teacher I was off work so felt lonely and so lost. For a couple of weeks, I just wallowed in it then I began to unpack my boxes.
I decided this was an opportunity to have my own home with no compromises (I had shared this home with my first husband then my kids). I watched upcycling/crafting, DIY homes on a budget, sustainable home /gardening programs I developed a new hobbies and skills. I slowly began to revamp my home and garden with the mission of spinning as little as I could and being as sustainable as I could.

I decided I wanted the girly pad I always wanted but have never had. I made the most of the old features, such as the oak floorboards and old fire place renovating them all by myself. My home is now unashamedly girly, feminine full of bright girly colours and flowers complete with a Laura Ashley sofa that cost me nothing. It’s also bright and airy with not a net curtain in sight.
It’s not to everyone’s taste but completely reflects my personality. it’s my home. I still grieve my husband and I still have photos of him and some of his bits dotted around, but by creating my own space I now feel at home.

Maybe, start by thinking about things you like that perhaps you didn’t have before because someone else wanted something different. Just let it develop a home just happens if you let your personality do the work. Give it time it will happen you will feel at home.

In 1978 my husband and I because of financial problems had to move from a lovely property in the country in Hampshire to a small bungalow on an estate in Norfolk. I hated it and still do. Instead of fields opposite there are other bungalows and there are no hills! After my husband died I tried to move back down south but the difference in property prices made it absolutely impossible.

I found moving hard enough after 36 years in our previous home and that was without being widowed into the bargain.

I am sorry for your loss which I would think is the main reason you are feeling so disorientated now.

It took me over a year to get used to our new house, even although I liked it.

Try to focus on the positive side of having moved into a smaller house - there is less to keep clean and in repair.

There probably are other positive aspects too, but when you are feeling sad it is very difficult to find them.

Our move corresponded with my sister's death - not the same as loosing your husband, but hard in its own way.

Now, five years later, I am glad we made the change and live were we do. I hope you will come to love your new home too.

You have suffered many losses over these 2 years: your husband, your home, some possessions which would not fit into/suit your new home and the way of life that went with them all. You just need time to adjust and follow your own instinct and interests...

Msida - Last week you moved. And you don't feel at home yet? It takes time. In normal circumstances it takes a month to six weeks to get to feel a new place is home. Cut yourself some slack - you've done well to cope with the move.

A year is no time at all when you have lost someone as important in your life as your husband.

I have recently moved from a large house in Devon to a very small bungalow in the North East of England. Classic reason ie to be near my family.

I have been here five months and when people ask me if I am feeling settled I smile and lie. I am not settled but know that given time and effort I will be.

Moving house at any age is hard, but doing it when you are older is particularly difficult, especially in your circumstances. I find myself using things to help keep me calm in my new surroundings. I keep shawls that friends have given me close to hand, light candles at night and have made a photo wall in the kitchen. I am no artist in the way I have done it, but it is soothing to me to see photos of friends and family up the wall.

All the very best for your future. Be kind to yourself.

Firstly, I am so sorry to hear of your sad loss. I can only say that I moved into a small bungalow 2 years ago from a large house and found it very difficult to part with my possessions. However once I decluttered and bought items which acually fitted the new space things got better. Most of my old funiture was too large so that was a challenge. I am now concentrating on redecoration and adding little personal touches to make it more like 'home'. I really miss my old house but I think this is entirely normal and part of moving on. You have been through an awful time lately and moving house is really very stressful so well done you for managing to organise it. I am sure you will settle down and you must give it some time. Try to also join local groups and get to know people. I joined U3A and have met lovely new friends and would highly recommend this. Best wishes for the future x

You have taken a massive step since the loss of your husband only last year. New surroundings, different environment, if course you feel a bit down. Moving home and downsizing will have given you a great challenge with making decisions, clearing out organising your new home probably kept occupied full time for weeks. Now you have hit a lull. You need time to take stock, seek out new local interests. Well done for all you have already and will continue to achieve.

MSIDA, I’m so sorry for your loss. I feel exactly as you do regarding our recent (4 months ago) move. We had a bungalow for 20 years in East Sussex and stupidly decided to move to Devon in 2019. We loved the house although I struggled with the stairs due to health problems but missed our family dreadfully so moved back to West Sussex in March this year. We’ve lost a lot of money so couldn’t afford a bungalow but have bought a little cottage in a nice village 20 minutes away from DS & DDL. I’ve hardly gone out since we’ve moved, I feel ‘lost’, depressed and we are still sitting around packing boxes because it’s so much smaller and we’ve got no storage to put anything in. I can’t afford a craft shed which was the plan before we moved up here so my craft stash is still in storage, I seem to sit around all day and can’t get at all motivated! I just want to go ‘home’ as I’ve told my husband numerous times back to my bungalow, I realise now because we’d had an awful 10 years prior to moving I needed a holiday instead of running away, but it’s too late now unfortunately as even if we had the money to buy our old home back the new owners wouldn’t sell it! I can only suggest as others have that you try to make it homely, don’t do what I’m doing sitting around just looking at boxes it’s not good for the soul, and my saving Grace is my little rescue dog whom I got from Many Tears Rescue as he's elderly and doesn’t require much walking. Lots of people on the odd occasion I’ve gone out stop us to chat through our little dog. That rescue in particular have older little dogs that have been abused and just want a mum and some love, maybe have a think if you like dogs. Good luck and I sincerely hope you find it easier soon. I personally think it takes a good 2 years anywhere to feel completely comfortable and at home. Your always welcome to private message me if you want a chat.

oh gosh Msida, you must have been planning this move when your husband was alive and with you, (I assume)
my dh died , not quite 2 years, (this Nov) and I think of going into some sort of sheltered accom. ( am elderly)
but don`t really want to.. lots of little problems, as getting older, less able to do jobs around the house, but keep hoping I won`t be here much longer!

on top of your changes Msida, these covid changes,, ?? well they are doing my head in.. just about got used to some lockups, but got church friends, etc.. now church opening up, and the extra support we were getting is closing down! so now I feel all of a jumble just with so many changes going on.

too much, too soon, and too old!

so thinking of you Msida and praying for all of us.

Hi I do understand how you feel. My husband didn’t die but we did divorce after 18yrs married. I also struggled when moved into my 1 bed flat ground floor from a 3 bed house. I decorated and bought new stuff etc. But after 3 yrs still didn’t feel like home. So I moved again this time into a bungalow with lovely neighbors and I joined lots of different groups and have made some new friends and my home now feels like I’m comfortable. But I’m not saying you should move. But join some groups in your area. Then it will soon feel like home because then you will feel like you belong.

Oh bless you. You are bound to feel strange losing your husband and then moving house aren't easy.
It will take time, but try to get to know local people and build friendships. Perhaps join your local meetup group which will open up invites to coffee mornings, lunches, walks and other things of interest.
All the very best