Any advice please

Just wondering how things are for you now Msida. As everyone has said, it will take time. Wishing you all the best

Msida, You have a PM

Thank you I wasn't aware that there were comments on here. The Sunday lunch club sounds nice Puzzled how do I find out about that please

I am the same i viewed our bungalow and liked it and thought we can make this nice 4 years down the line i have begun to dislike it, i wrote my story of my move on here it's lovely how strangers on line can help you work your feelings out i couldn't talk to my family about this but, have come to terms with the move and why i moved i will see what next year brings if i feel the same i hope i get it right this time

You are going through very stressful time, on at least two counts.
But you are not alone. Everyone suffers losses and stresses
Grief and Moving house are at the top of the list for stress.
You will survive it, and come out stronger and more confident at the end.
DON'T lock yourself away. If you go for a walk, you will see other people, and dog walkers are often pleased if you make a fuss of their pet.

Now that things are getting a little more free in UK, how about going to a local church (They of all people should be friendly and helpful. You may need to try more than one to find one that suits your tastes). or joining your local U3A . There will be lots of groups, (Our local one has over 100 to choose from!)
One or more groups are Sunday Lunch Clubs, at a local restaurant, for socialising. Quite few churches have coffee and biscuits after the service, where you can meet and chat.
Hopefully, one or both of these will lead to some new friendships.

That k you for all your advice so so helpful so so grateful thank you for giving me strength x x ??

What very good advice on here, Msida and I'm sorry that you're having such a hard time. I remember when you posted about losing your DH. My heart goes out to you.

There are possibly 3 quite important things which have been raised here - firstly you moved house! . Never a good idea until at least a year has passed following a bereavement. It takes a long time to gather your thoughts and to even think about life again and what you want, so you moved very prematurely - presumably because you were desperate to feel better. You now may feel worse and feel that you've made a mistake but, of course, you were really running from yourself and how you felt in such a tragic situation. We can all be wise with hindsight!

Hope that you haven't moved somewhere far away from where you lived - because a totally strange area would possibly make you feel even more isolated now. You say you didn't listen to some warning feelings you had - again because you just were desperate to feel better. Please don't give a lot of thought about moving again until you feel a great deal happier and can make helpful lists of your needs and dislikes, so that - should you move again one day - you are more likely to get it right.

Thirdly, it's such a good idea to tell yourself - and mean it - that where you are does not have to be permanent. In the months or years ahead, you will have the chance to move anywhere you want, to maybe live life differently. At present, you need to concentrate on making a comfortable home for yourself, getting to know your neighbours and the area and not push yourself into making decisions which you might regret or have a change of heart over very quickly. When you're in a happier mood, it might be an idea from time to time to think over any options that you feel you might have, but have no plan to do anything life-changing or drastic until you feel more sure of what you want.
Why not join some groups or clubs, even regularly walking with a group and being able to socialise with new people, a new routine, should make a difference to your outlook on life. Take your time, don't panic and each day - albeit slowly - you're bound to feel stronger and under less pressure, so that important decisions are more likely to be easier to make.

Good luck just trying to get back to some kind of normal now. Be kind to yourself and don't rush. Sending you best wishes for some happiness again soon. ?

What bluebelle said

A month in a new home is nothing, it may take longer to get used to it

Add your loss on top of it. You are dealing with a lot right now

Knowing I've been a little help to you Msida has made my day. Thank you for making me smile.

There are always options and there will be good times ahead.

Gransnet helped me recently when I was having a problem with the vaccine. There are lots of good, kind, helpful people on here.

MoorlandMooner I took a photo of your post and read it when I am feeling bad x

Thank you to everyone that took the time to post thank you because of you and your kindness which I really really eed right now I am feeling better and not so alone

Crazy isn't it I have a family full of people but it's people that I have never met helping me through what feels like hell I know that's a bit of a dramatical word but honestly that's how it can ceel

Thank you ????

Thank you MoorlandMooner so much you made me feel so much better all positive things that I was telling myself and seeing that someone else has the same opinion as me really helps thank you so much ??

Luckygirl it's a bit chlostraphobic and for some reason I feel soo much more lonely and alone in this flat

Msida

I wanted to move because of all the bad memories in the house that hung over me

I did like the flat I am in now when I saw it but there were warning signs that I would not be happy but I ignored all those feelings.. I don't know why. I thing I really felt I needed a new start but did not know I would feel this bad, I'm an idiot

I don’t want to pry, but if you had bad memories from the house, surely you’ve done the best thing in moving. Was that your thinking at the time? Is it that you now feel perhaps you’ve not had the closure?

Whatever it is, time really is the only healer here. Try to just focus on the day in hand, and not look too far ahead. A month really isn’t very long, and it sounds like you’d have been no better staying in your old house.

Give yourself a chance, take care, and I pray all goes well for you very soon.

Could you describe what it is about the flat that you do not like?

Would it help you to think of your new flat as a stepping stone, something that is just for now but not for ever?

Could you look at it like a break and think 'Well I'll just sit tight here in this low maintenance flat, clear my mind, let the bad memories fade a tiny bit and let everything settle. Then in six months time I'll move on to the next thing - the right thing'?

Nothing has to be forever. You're not trapped and you still have options.

They do say never make any changes within 12 months of losing a loved one and that does make sound sense, as emotions are all over the place, but you re there now I don’t mean this to sound bad but you were running from your grief and now because it’s no better, if anything, feels worse your first reaction is to run again but that will not help.
You cannot run away from bereavement
Please reach out for some bereavement counselling
You don’t say anything about your new area is it far away from your known area ? Can you do some exploring instead of just sitting thinking about it in a negative way, look for some good points. Are there any woods, streams, gardens that you could visit, nature is a wonderful calmer and walking clears the mind and helps the weight too
If you’re as hard headed as you say then fight your way out of this instant hatred (it will grow on you with familiarity) if you run you ll end up like forest gump you ll keep on running because you can t be content until you have come to terms with your loss and you have to stand still to do that
Running will only make it worse
Good luck

I mean it's OK that we can't turn back time because even though I am painfully wanting to go back to my old house, it probably would not be the right thing. I am going to take your advice and try and work out my options

Are you feeling any better about your move

Oh boy, do I know

Ah, in that case, why not compile a list, on paper, of your options and the pros and cons of each.
It will give your mind some focus, but of course, none of the options is going to turn back time, as hard as that is to accept (and I really do know how hard that is)

I've been here a month and it doesn't need any decorating it is already well decorated

I have called helplines but I just need to find a, wY out of the situation I need to find out about my moving options I think because I am very hard headed and have convinced myself it's not going to get better

Cruse is also very supportive; they helped me enormously: www.cruse.org.uk

I too lost my OH and then moved house, partly for the same reasons as you. There were so many very sad memories in the previous home.

Moving house is a huge upheaval, physically and emotionally - so much to sort out on a practical level and, in our cases, whilst also dealing with a bereavement.

I am sorry that at the moment it feels like a wrong move; but this is often how people feel when the chaos of the move is over. You need time to get to know your neighbours and the whole neighbourhood and what it has to offer. I know it is hard to do that when you are feeling low - but hopefully you will feel like reaching out as time goes by and will discover the positive things about your new home and area.

Msida hang on in there it will get better..
why don't you give silver line a call...the Esther Rantzen charity
www.thesilverline.org.uk/

Silver Line is the only free confidential helpline providing information, friendship and support to older people, open 24 hours a day, every day of the year.
08004708090

How long have you been in the flat?
Is there anything that needs doing in it, which might make it feel more homely?

And I am eating excessively too which gets me in a mess because I feel out of control

I feel I am dealing with the bereavement part it's just living in this new flat I really hate it and it's not getting better I feel trapped here