Any advice please

I don't know what to do

You are still grieving the loss of your husband, so so you think perhaps today is 'just' (for want of a better way to put it) a bad day?

Msida, I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way. Without wanting to rub salt into your wound, I think you have 2 big events…..the loss of your husband and then a house move..
Have you met your new neighbours? Why don’t you put a note through their doors , introducing yourself and invite them over for coffee ? If it wasn’t for the restrictions, I would suggest holding a small coffee morning ….. good luck. You’re probably having a bad day. Hope you feel better soon.

Oh Msida what a horrible time you are having. I'm so sorry for your loss. Moving at any time is so unsettling but now it must be even harder for you.

Can you talk to family or friends about this as I am sure they will want to help you. Perhaps looking into some bereavement counselling can be so very helpful if you could face that.

I moved house at Christmas and the unfamiliarity and hard work of the whole job knocked me for six. Now, a few months on things are settling down, the flowers I planted are coming up and I feel happier and less worn down by it all, but it has taken a while.

What made you move at such a difficult time? Did you love the new place when you saw it and if so, what's changed since?

Moving house is an emotional event any time. You are still feeling low because of your loss. Give yourself time and go out to look around your new neighbourhood. The local shops and parks and just take the area in. Be kind to yourself with some nice treats for your new home to make it yours.

I wanted to move because of all the bad memories in the house that hung over me

I did like the flat I am in now when I saw it but there were warning signs that I would not be happy but I ignored all those feelings.. I don't know why. I thing I really felt I needed a new start but did not know I would feel this bad, I'm an idiot

You're certainly no idiot.
You've had an immense loss, and grief can take your mind on many paths.
It's such early days for you, try to be kind to yourself like you would be to a friend.

Msida you are not an idiot. You are grieving and going through a huge life change. I don't know if you can confide in family/friends at all? If not, would you maybe consider bereavement counselling to help you through this massive life change?

I feel I am dealing with the bereavement part it's just living in this new flat I really hate it and it's not getting better I feel trapped here

And I am eating excessively too which gets me in a mess because I feel out of control

How long have you been in the flat?
Is there anything that needs doing in it, which might make it feel more homely?

Msida hang on in there it will get better..
why don't you give silver line a call...the Esther Rantzen charity
www.thesilverline.org.uk/

Silver Line is the only free confidential helpline providing information, friendship and support to older people, open 24 hours a day, every day of the year.
08004708090

Cruse is also very supportive; they helped me enormously: www.cruse.org.uk

I too lost my OH and then moved house, partly for the same reasons as you. There were so many very sad memories in the previous home.

Moving house is a huge upheaval, physically and emotionally - so much to sort out on a practical level and, in our cases, whilst also dealing with a bereavement.

I am sorry that at the moment it feels like a wrong move; but this is often how people feel when the chaos of the move is over. You need time to get to know your neighbours and the whole neighbourhood and what it has to offer. I know it is hard to do that when you are feeling low - but hopefully you will feel like reaching out as time goes by and will discover the positive things about your new home and area.

I've been here a month and it doesn't need any decorating it is already well decorated

I have called helplines but I just need to find a, wY out of the situation I need to find out about my moving options I think because I am very hard headed and have convinced myself it's not going to get better

Ah, in that case, why not compile a list, on paper, of your options and the pros and cons of each.
It will give your mind some focus, but of course, none of the options is going to turn back time, as hard as that is to accept (and I really do know how hard that is)

Oh boy, do I know

I mean it's OK that we can't turn back time because even though I am painfully wanting to go back to my old house, it probably would not be the right thing. I am going to take your advice and try and work out my options

Are you feeling any better about your move

They do say never make any changes within 12 months of losing a loved one and that does make sound sense, as emotions are all over the place, but you re there now I don’t mean this to sound bad but you were running from your grief and now because it’s no better, if anything, feels worse your first reaction is to run again but that will not help.
You cannot run away from bereavement
Please reach out for some bereavement counselling
You don’t say anything about your new area is it far away from your known area ? Can you do some exploring instead of just sitting thinking about it in a negative way, look for some good points. Are there any woods, streams, gardens that you could visit, nature is a wonderful calmer and walking clears the mind and helps the weight too
If you’re as hard headed as you say then fight your way out of this instant hatred (it will grow on you with familiarity) if you run you ll end up like forest gump you ll keep on running because you can t be content until you have come to terms with your loss and you have to stand still to do that
Running will only make it worse
Good luck

Would it help you to think of your new flat as a stepping stone, something that is just for now but not for ever?

Could you look at it like a break and think 'Well I'll just sit tight here in this low maintenance flat, clear my mind, let the bad memories fade a tiny bit and let everything settle. Then in six months time I'll move on to the next thing - the right thing'?

Nothing has to be forever. You're not trapped and you still have options.

Could you describe what it is about the flat that you do not like?

Msida

I wanted to move because of all the bad memories in the house that hung over me

I did like the flat I am in now when I saw it but there were warning signs that I would not be happy but I ignored all those feelings.. I don't know why. I thing I really felt I needed a new start but did not know I would feel this bad, I'm an idiot

I don’t want to pry, but if you had bad memories from the house, surely you’ve done the best thing in moving. Was that your thinking at the time? Is it that you now feel perhaps you’ve not had the closure?

Whatever it is, time really is the only healer here. Try to just focus on the day in hand, and not look too far ahead. A month really isn’t very long, and it sounds like you’d have been no better staying in your old house.

Give yourself a chance, take care, and I pray all goes well for you very soon.

Thank you MoorlandMooner so much you made me feel so much better all positive things that I was telling myself and seeing that someone else has the same opinion as me really helps thank you so much ??

Luckygirl it's a bit chlostraphobic and for some reason I feel soo much more lonely and alone in this flat

Thank you to everyone that took the time to post thank you because of you and your kindness which I really really eed right now I am feeling better and not so alone

Crazy isn't it I have a family full of people but it's people that I have never met helping me through what feels like hell I know that's a bit of a dramatical word but honestly that's how it can ceel

Thank you ????

MoorlandMooner I took a photo of your post and read it when I am feeling bad x