Grandchild behaviour

Devices are not a positive influence IMO whether TV, tablet or phone. Could you start the day without it and take her out, even ask her parents to leave it at home/put it out of her way? Get some exercise, do something interesting, go somewhere fun, and tell her to lose the attitude if she is rude. Don't reason with her, just tell her she is being rude and you don't like her behaving like that. Go somewhere with other children if possible and if she misbehaves warn her once and, if it happens again, take her home. Be consistent. If she doesn't want her hair doing don't worry about it - take her out looking messy. Not many girls of her age like to look dishevelled so it will annoy her more than you. I don't think there is one answer, since I had DGC I learned that children behave differently for all sorts of reasons! Good luck.

Apologies - why do say you want her to do her hair? Is it messy?

I do most things that you have all suggested, told her parents the good things including the naughty things. She's got a brilliant school report and I do love her no matter what she does. I have her 1 day a week in holidays. We have all encouraged her to have her opinions from being small. I try to be consistent so don't know what's wrong unless its hormones she's well developed

Did she want you to do her hair?

Germanshepherdsmum

I don’t have grandchildren. My son didn’t behave like this as a child though. I couldn’t imagine loving a child who behaved like this towards me.

Say no more. I have my answer.

Thank you for the comments, she is 9

Maybe she wants her Mum to do her hair or do it herself depending on her age?

A little more background would be useful.

I don’t have grandchildren. My son didn’t behave like this as a child though. I couldn’t imagine loving a child who behaved like this towards me.

Germanshepheardsmum
Are you seriously saying that you’d stop loving your grandchildren for being stroppy.
Would you be ok with them not loving you for being a misery.

I would take the device off her and tell if she can't behave she can't have it back.

How you can love this insolent little madam to bits is beyond me

Every family would be a mess if every parent/grandparent stopped loving a child because they were insolent!! Dear dear me!

I wouldn’t put up with this no matter what the child’s age

Absolutely! But strategies for dealing with it do differ according to age in my view

? we always love them - we don’t always like them. That’s my mantra with all my family - and my OH!!!

Well, I wouldn't put up with insolence from a child whether I loved her or not.

Wow, gold star for germansheperdsmum (sarcasm intended)

I wouldn’t put up with this no matter what the child’s age. How you can love this insolent little madam to bits is beyond me.

Without knowing her age it is difficukt to advise on strategies as they will differ for different age groups

I wouldn't put up with being told to wait, or the eye rolling.
With my granddaughter, I usually let her finish what she is watching, unless her tea is on the table, in which case I switch it off.

My mantra is: don’t sweat the small stuff ( wanting her to do her hair) and pick your battles.

I'd just ignore her. She won't do what you ask and tells you to wait (how rude!!), so I wouldn't do anything for her.

Don't provide meals or anything else. If she complains you're not listening, tell her to wait. Then point out that it's what she does to you.

You could also ask her parents not to let her bring any devices....

Does she want.... sorry!

I agree with the threat comments

OP,
You also have unrealistic expectations. Kids will not do what you say, only if they want to.

Parents of young kids - we are exhausted for this reason - but i am happy kids are developing their assertiveness.

How old is she?
Do she want you to do her hair? If she doesnt, you are going to lose the battle.

I make a point of telling mum and dad all the good things, and the one thing that didn't go well

I’m a great believer in not making threats you cannot carry out. As a working single mum of three teenagers, I had to think carefully before indisciplined my children. A threat of no internet until I came home from work meant me disconnecting the router every day to take it to work with me - Imwish I had thought of changing the password! A ban on using the skateboard resulted in the skateboard joining the router in my car boot! I kept all the treat type food in my car as well as otherwise one son would eat it all as soon as I bought it.

Not knowing the age of your grandchild makes it difficult to suggest solutions but certainly disconnecting the internet when she refuses to stop would work. For a young child, any discipline needs to be immediate, reporting incidents to parents at the end of a visit will have little impact.

You could offer rewards for good behaviour, age appropriate, so she gets to appreciate the value of doing what you want her to do. Small things like a token towards a treat when out shopping, or towards being allowed on a device later in the day. It’s not bribery, just teaching that good behaviour gets more attention than bad. I know that children should not be rewarded for doing the right thing but once something has become an issue, for a short time positive reinforcement might work.

What’s the situation here in regards to you being in this position? Are her parents at work? Is it one day, all week, or 24/7? Bit of a loss as to how to advise without knowing more. I’m inclined to say stop looking after her, she not your responsibility.

I agree with polarbear. You have to carry out anything you say you’ll do if she misbehaves. This is why those conditions have to be realistic.