Grandchild behaviour

How old is this grandchild?

I was once told by someone I had a lot of respect for not to make threats to children you don’t intend to, or can’t, keep. If you say you’re going to tell her mum and dad and don’t then you’ve instantly lost the battle. If she’s bright enough as you say, and you’ve properly explained the why so she understands it, then a report to parents, calmly, is necessary. At the moment she has no respect for you. That needs to change and only you with the help of her parents can retrieve it. Love is about respect and care. Good luck. Ps I’m paying attention as I suspect I’ll have this battle re tablets etc before long!! ?

2021 - it's still a man's world so she might need this assertiveness for when she grows up! No much help I know but I have known boys to get away with this kind of behaviour. How old is she?

Our SIL switches off the wi-fi. It took a while for the Gchn to realise why their connection was disappearing, but they soon realised who was in charge!

I think her age is the important factor here. My two year old grandson won't listen to me telling him to stop running but will listen at other times. He's the same with his parents who are teaching him constantly about listening and consequences. What consequences are there if she doesn't do as she's told? For example, the two year old ran away from me in the park and wouldn't stop. When I finally caught him the consequences were we didn't go to feed the ducks, an activity he enjoys. We left the park and went home. He knew he had been naughty and was very contrite. Does your granddaughter ever say sorry? A conversation with her parents and find out what methods they use to get her to listen. Perhaps, if she is naughty or cheeky tell her to apologise or you will take her home. And follow through. Good luck

Sometimes they are just testing the boundaries to see who they can 'get away with things' with the most! She may not get away without 'punishment' or 'consequence' with her parents, so she's trying it out on you..one of my GD's has just begun getting a bit cheeky/bolshy with her mum (she's starting high school next month) but i took her away last weekend for a mini break with her younger brother and never had that problem with her- she knew not to bother! And the 2 of them were only niggling at each other once but i admonished them for it and it stopped.Sometimes you must give them boundaries and stick to them.Was same with my children growing up.You must tell her parents.Maybe if you say she can't come to your house until she stops that behaviour etc, but then you must follow it through.She will have time to think over what she has done.?

etheltbags1

I love her to bits but she will not do as I say. I have tried saying I will tell dad or mum, I have tried reasoning with her but she won't budge. She is almost always on a device and I get told to wait a bit till she's finished. She just mimics me rolls her eyes and pokes holes in my arguments. She's very bright and gives me a detailed reason why she won't do as I say. I only want her to do her hair etc. I'm not strict.

It is difficult, but on the other hand I remember being hugely proud the first time my daughter won an argument (with logic) with me.

Tell her once and then turn off the WiFi.

What’s the situation here in regards to you being in this position? Are her parents at work? Is it one day, all week, or 24/7? Bit of a loss as to how to advise without knowing more. I’m inclined to say stop looking after her, she not your responsibility.

I agree with polarbear. You have to carry out anything you say you’ll do if she misbehaves. This is why those conditions have to be realistic.

I’m a great believer in not making threats you cannot carry out. As a working single mum of three teenagers, I had to think carefully before indisciplined my children. A threat of no internet until I came home from work meant me disconnecting the router every day to take it to work with me - Imwish I had thought of changing the password! A ban on using the skateboard resulted in the skateboard joining the router in my car boot! I kept all the treat type food in my car as well as otherwise one son would eat it all as soon as I bought it.

Not knowing the age of your grandchild makes it difficult to suggest solutions but certainly disconnecting the internet when she refuses to stop would work. For a young child, any discipline needs to be immediate, reporting incidents to parents at the end of a visit will have little impact.

You could offer rewards for good behaviour, age appropriate, so she gets to appreciate the value of doing what you want her to do. Small things like a token towards a treat when out shopping, or towards being allowed on a device later in the day. It’s not bribery, just teaching that good behaviour gets more attention than bad. I know that children should not be rewarded for doing the right thing but once something has become an issue, for a short time positive reinforcement might work.

I make a point of telling mum and dad all the good things, and the one thing that didn't go well

I agree with the threat comments

OP,
You also have unrealistic expectations. Kids will not do what you say, only if they want to.

Parents of young kids - we are exhausted for this reason - but i am happy kids are developing their assertiveness.

How old is she?
Do she want you to do her hair? If she doesnt, you are going to lose the battle.

Does she want.... sorry!

I'd just ignore her. She won't do what you ask and tells you to wait (how rude!!), so I wouldn't do anything for her.

Don't provide meals or anything else. If she complains you're not listening, tell her to wait. Then point out that it's what she does to you.

You could also ask her parents not to let her bring any devices....

My mantra is: don’t sweat the small stuff ( wanting her to do her hair) and pick your battles.

I wouldn't put up with being told to wait, or the eye rolling.
With my granddaughter, I usually let her finish what she is watching, unless her tea is on the table, in which case I switch it off.

Without knowing her age it is difficukt to advise on strategies as they will differ for different age groups

I wouldn’t put up with this no matter what the child’s age. How you can love this insolent little madam to bits is beyond me.

Wow, gold star for germansheperdsmum (sarcasm intended)

Well, I wouldn't put up with insolence from a child whether I loved her or not.

? we always love them - we don’t always like them. That’s my mantra with all my family - and my OH!!!

I wouldn’t put up with this no matter what the child’s age

Absolutely! But strategies for dealing with it do differ according to age in my view

How you can love this insolent little madam to bits is beyond me

Every family would be a mess if every parent/grandparent stopped loving a child because they were insolent!! Dear dear me!

I would take the device off her and tell if she can't behave she can't have it back.