Grandchild behaviour

Hithere, please read what I said. I rather doubt the child is doing any of the things you mention.

etheltbags1, I'd be more worried about a child that automatically did as they were told. They need to think for themselves, after all.

You really wouldn't want them to grow up doing as they're told by others - would you?

Luckylegs

Some of you have no idea. It’s a different world to the one we brought our kids up in! We have a very stroppy belligerent GD, 11 now. She has been very independent almost from birth, first words were ‘I do it myself’! She and I clash constantly. We have looked after her a lot before school and after and it’s murder. My D says pick your battles, don’t sweat the small stuff etc etc but I can’t leave it. I have to try and discipline her and get her to do things. My H just praises her, very rarely tells her off but when he does, she knows he means it.

She’s now worse than ever, you can’t punish her, she would probably hit you back, she’s stronger than any of us so you couldn’t take her iPad off her! She’d get her own food and anything else she wants. I tell her mum (single parent) and she just tells me I was wrong! It’s driven me mad, caused me sleepless nights and worry.

And yet - she’s the most loving child, very generous, is no trouble at school or to take anywhere. Im just praying that she’ll change when she’s older and get rid of the attitude and stroppiness and become the lovely girl she can be.

Ive a feeling I'm going to regret posting this as you’ll probably all be appalled but you’ve got to live with this to realise how awful it can be.

I think most of us do have an idea.

you can’t punish her, she would probably hit you back, she’s stronger than any of us so you couldn’t take her iPad off her!
I assume from that your idea of discipline is physical punishment so her learned behaviour is now to hit you back at age 11.
Perhaps trying a different, more positive, approach might achieve better results?

I'm not criticising, just wondering if that would help. Having brought up an extremely determined DD and my other fairly stroppy teenagers then I do understand but I think positivity achieves better results than negativity.

And yet - she’s the most loving child, very generous, is no trouble at school or to take anywhere
Somewhere in there is a lovely girl but she possibly feels safe enough to be contrary with you.
My D says pick your battles, don’t sweat the small stuff etc etc but I can’t leave it
I agree with your DD - ignore the small stuff, if she gets no reaction she might decide it's not worth bothering being stroppy.

Luckylegs, sorry it is all such a struggle for you.
what are the kind of thing that you are trying to get her to do, what are the points of conflict ?

Sorry Luckylegs my kids are actually stricter sometimes with their children than I was with them. One thing they won't permit is disrespect. So when the GCs sometimes go a little too far or my DS thinks they are taking advantage of my generosity he will step in and stop them.

trisher my DS is far stricter with his DC than I was with him; however, SIL had extremely strict parents and he is hopeless with discipline.

Of course the word is different! What kind of question is that?

It is all digital based- from online orders, to renewing paperwork, televisits to doctors, pay with other phone....

Is it really a different world now Luckylegs? I realise children have iPads and phones which my child’s generation didn’t until in their late teens but surely there have always been things it was difficult to get them away from, whether a tv programme, a comic or playing outside with friends. They all need boundaries and discipline, and it sounds as though your grandchild is getting very little. I agree with trisher, your daughter needs to support you (especially if she’s to continue getting free childcare from you), as does your husband. It’s interesting that when your husband tells her off she takes notice. As your daughter is a single parent and seems to have a pretty laissez faire attitude to discipline, has she grown up thinking women are a pushover? If your grand daughter wants to get her own food, is this because she has to do so at home on occasion? Perhaps you could get her to help you with preparing some meals, by way of an enjoyable and helpful thing to do together?

Sorry Luckylegs my kids are actually stricter sometimes with their children than I was with them. One thing they won't permit is disrespect. So when the GCs sometimes go a little too far or my DS thinks they are taking advantage of my generosity he will step in and stop them.
An adult shouldn't have to fight a child to take something away or discipline them. Put a password on the internet and don't tell her what it is so she can't use it. She might keep her i-pad but she'll soon want to go on-line. Don't allow it until her behaviour improves.
Your daughter should be supporting you. Children are always disruptive when their adults are at cross purposes.

Some of you have no idea. It’s a different world to the one we brought our kids up in! We have a very stroppy belligerent GD, 11 now. She has been very independent almost from birth, first words were ‘I do it myself’! She and I clash constantly. We have looked after her a lot before school and after and it’s murder. My D says pick your battles, don’t sweat the small stuff etc etc but I can’t leave it. I have to try and discipline her and get her to do things. My H just praises her, very rarely tells her off but when he does, she knows he means it.

She’s now worse than ever, you can’t punish her, she would probably hit you back, she’s stronger than any of us so you couldn’t take her iPad off her! She’d get her own food and anything else she wants. I tell her mum (single parent) and she just tells me I was wrong! It’s driven me mad, caused me sleepless nights and worry.

And yet - she’s the most loving child, very generous, is no trouble at school or to take anywhere. Im just praying that she’ll change when she’s older and get rid of the attitude and stroppiness and become the lovely girl she can be.

Ive a feeling I'm going to regret posting this as you’ll probably all be appalled but you’ve got to live with this to realise how awful it can be.

The issue here is not that the child is using a device but that she will not do what the grandmother says; she is told to' wait until I have finished', which is a rude way to speak to any adult.

Simple disobedience, but the excuses made on here explain why so many children are so badly behaved.

Did Ethelbags. Return at all ?

Bring back Mr Maker!

You could meet her halfway and put YouTube on and watch 5 minute crafts. It’s brilliant ?. Educational and fun.

No, Callistemon, you didn’t. I was agreeing with you that children can be well behaved at home and the opposite when out, and about the apparent adult/child reversal here. My impression that the praise for her brightness and her good school reports may have gone to her head is entirely my own.

Tim Tom? Tik Tok.

If you can’t beat em join em. Get her to show you how to make a Tim Tom video.

but that that may have gone to her head and things have got to the stage where she is, as you say, acting as the adult in this scenario.
That is not quite what I said Germanshepherdsmum


My 9 year old DGD has just had a phone but what she can do is very restricted. She has found it's brilliant for taking photos so spends time doing that (far better photos than mine).

I doubt she'd let me near her hair now either and I wouldn't have a clue how to do a French, Dutch or any kind of elaborate plait but she does.

Can you encourage her to take photos on her device, etheltbags? Not of you unawares, though!

None of my grandkids at 9 would have let me do their hair so that’s one job not needed !!!
If she wants to be on her device whilst you’re busy or cooking or whatever it wouldn’t bother me unless her mum or dad has given you direct instructions (ie she’s only allowed half an hour on her phone etc)
At 9 and highly intelligent she’s feeling your equal now and let’s face it she is, because she’s got you in a corner ?
Personally as it’s only one day a week I wouldn’t sweat the small stuff I d let her get on with entertaining herself When I was 9 I would probably have had my head in an Enid Blyton book all day, is it so very different? Maybe she’s learning a lot from her phone, iPad or whatever it is she’s using Even games teach kids a lot
Be led by what the parents tell you they want to happen for that day if they say half an hour only on her devise, make sure she does her homework, or has an hour in the fresh air stick to that, if not let her entertain herself in her own way
Phones are the books of yesteryear why does everyone fear them and think kids should only use them for an hour or whatever you wouldn’t say that to a bookworm would you ?

germanshepherdsmum that’s an awful post

Good post trisher
It's using your common sense, isn't it.
Especially offering interesting alternatives.

Limit time on the device. Provide alternative entertainment which is fun and involves you. It isn't true that the electronic devices are the main source of enjoyment, they are just easier for adults because they occupy children. Children still love board and card games, particularly as they learn skills and can beat an adult.
She's old enough to do her own hair, so excuse yourself from that job. If it stays unbrushed for one day it isn't important.
Try letting her plan things sometimes. Offer her alternatives sometimes. Only insist she does something when it is important and explain this to her. If she argues and picks holes point out she may be right but because you are the adult things will be done your way.
Praise little things she does properly.
Give her a hug and tell her you love her.

My mum regularly took the plug off the black and white TV the 1980s version of switching off the WiFi. Of course you lose it as well.
I would tell her how rude her behaviour is and speak to her parents not just threaten that.

The most effective grandparenting punishment from my grandma was when she put her coat on and walked to the bus stop leaving us 10, 9 and 6 in the house. We were soon begging her to come back.

A child doesnt learn respect that way - it is not my way or the highway

If gd is using the device every other way of the week, she won't like it that she cannot do it at grandma and may complain she doesn't want to go there anymore.

Doesn’t matter how much you love her, she needs to learn some respect and that you mean what you say. Simple way to get her off her device - if she doesn’t respond at the first request, turn off WiFi and leave it off until she gets the message.

Yes toad, this is why I asked on the first page, how it had come to this. How much involvement there is. I didn’t get a response.

This sounds like the sort of problem a mum would have, and most of the replies seem to accommodate that. I absolutely love my grandchildren, but am not so involved with them that I’d ever need to get to the point of disciplining them. When they have been left with me, they just behave. I wouldn’t have them if they didn’t.