I am heartbroken. My daughter moved out of State today with our granddaughter

I agree with NS.

The note sounds like a possible "last resort" to a parent who doesn't want to hear the gentler language that preceded it. I can definitely see this happening and urge you to think back and try to feel less upset about it.

"It's time for us to move on" and "there are good jobs in ×× that we are looking at", "we think the climate is good in xx and are considering a move there" "the houses are expensive in xx but it has good schools"
...these are the gentle introductions that you may have chosen to ignore. Maybe you have said "oh let's not discuss this now while we're having dinner" or "I think the weather in xx is not as nice as here".

I do feel for you (two of my adult children left the UK, one to the USA) so trust me this comes from a place of understanding - but try to be grateful for the special everyday time you have had with them and that you have given them the wings to fly.

Good advice here but it is so hard.
Our DS told us in the middle of a big birthday celebration when we had had a drink or two, that they were moving 12,000 miles away.
They tempered it with the clause "it may not be forever"
That was 15 years ago and we have seen them once a year apart from last year and this. DH has died now but I know he would never have wanted to stop them realising their dream.

We chat on WhatsApp. We email and zoom. Sometimes I think we are closer than we were when they were just up the road. All the best to you.

BlueBelle has given you some wonderful advice It is hard letting them go, for sure but it is how it should be.

When my son went to New Zealand he told me, they (he and his then girlfriend) were just going for a look around I knew in my heart they would never be back to live here, but that was his way of avoiding upset for him and me . my heart knew though and I went home from seeing them off and cried a river, but then I brushed myself down and got on with my life and was happy for them They have now been married 22 years and have two children 24 and 20 They have a good life I would be very selfish if I didn’t wish them the absolute best and keep my tears as private as I can
It’s their life and you need to come to terms with that one sentence, it’s their choices, not yours howtofindhope

It will get it easier if you allow it to, it won’t if you just wallow and wallow in your grief BE HAPPY FOR THEM

Hear, hear, purplestar.

Sometimes whatever one does, whatever method one uses to communicate, results in what I think of as an imposition of someone else's devastation. Perhaps they felt that would be the case. I would not blame anyone for wanting to avoid that kind of confrontation.

I do empathise with the OP and how wonderful that they lived with you for 4 years.
I am someone who moved overseas with my DH and 4 children.It happened very quickly and my parents and siblings were also blindsided.But they have to do whats right for them?as we did.My Mother took our move personally and a brother said we were attention seeking! They got over it and saw how happy we were and now we all spend quality time together with regular holidays here (pre Covid) One of our daughters moved away overseas from us with our only DGD but thats OK,our children have to do what's right for them.Its hard but you'll adjust to it

I agree with BlueBelle, you've been very fortunate to have had them living with you for 4 years and must have realised that it wouldn't be forever.

A note is probably not the bet way to have let you know but as has been said, your D may well have been wanting to avoid an emotional confrontation and wanted to give you a little time to absorb the news.

You need to have a talk with your D balancing how much you'll miss them with how proud you are of them for saving enough to branch out on their own, which is what all AC should do eventually.

You'll be able to have regular contact face to face with face time. It's not the same I know but it's better than nothing and then of course there are holidays to be planned.

Try not to focus on your own sadness and look to the future.

It’s not the fact they’ve left. Of course this had to happen eventually, and quite right too. It’s how they told you! Do you think they felt so sad , they couldn’t face you? Did you discuss afterwards, or did you literally find the note after they’d gone?

I understand you completely. Our daughter and SIL lived with us for three months with their new baby, before moving into their new home ten miles away! This was hard enough, so you must be overwhelmed with sadness.

I would normally say you will just get through it in time, but the note thing gets in the way of that I would think. I would want to talk about that to be honest.

I wish you well.

Howtofindhope You did a lovely thing letting them stay with you so they could save up for a better life in future, you should be proud that together you have achieved that.

I'm not sure what to think about the note. Did they expect you to be deeply upset and wanted to avoid a confrontation? Even so there would be better ways I think.

With technology etc it's really easy to stay in touch now, you can video call straight into each others homes and now you have a whole different state you can visit for holidays.

It will just take time to feel better and get used to the new situation but you are definitely better off venting here than venting at daughter and son in law trying to settle in to the or new home

Good advice Bluebelle

Be glad for them that they are ready to go their own way. Is this not what we all want for our children - that they leave us and live their own lives? Out of state does not mean they live on a different planet.

Yes, you will miss them, but life never stays static - and it shouldn't. Think of ways you can keep in touch with your GD - your relationship with her does not need to suffer at all.

I wonder if you parted on bad terms? If so, then you must gently try to rebuild what was lost.

You ve been a lucky lady to have had your little granddaughter with you for four years it will seem empty at first but you will get used to it surely you knew it wouldn’t be for ever, ( they came to save for a place of their own) of course the young couple need their own place and their own lives and you need to be happy for them, and as strong as an oak tree It is exciting for them and your granddaughter they have saved for four years to get their own place and you have helped them on the way to their new life brilliantly
Well done
Now it’s time for you and your husband (you say they lived with us) so presumably you’re not alone so start to live your own lives now
Seeing how you are reacting I think your daughter thought it best to write it down and not have a face to face where you would be emotional and perhaps try to beg them to change their minds She didn’t want to get into an emotional argument

You can deal with this in two ways you can go headlong into mourning and make everyone including your granddaughter unhappy and guilty or you can plaster a smile on your face and tell them how happy you are for them and how you ll see them soon (it’s not the other side of the world)

You cannot expect them to stay for ever Didn’t you leave your parents when you married?
Good luck

Hi, I feel for you! 4 years of having them share your home to enable them to save….and then telling you they are moving out by way of a piece of paper!! Rude in the extreme. Did they write and ask to move in, via a piece of paper ?
You’re probably a mix of emotions atm, time will help, hopefully you will get a call and the conversation you deserve.

Give it some time, it is so recent.

With today's technology, it is so easy to stay in touch.

It will get better