Surviving Living Alone

I know how you feel, having lost my partner this time last year. I have a dog which I walk every day. Have started to join some local clubs. Its the weekend and winter evenings that are the worst times as people are busy with their families. I dont drive so going any distance isnt easy getting about.

I live alone and loved it till the pandemic.Now I feel so alone,I hated being isolated.I also had lots of health issues ,all of which came to nothing,thank goodness,but it highlighted my aloneness.I joined U3a and have enjoyed groups through the Summer,and a sewing group too. One daughter lived with me and now has her own place, although she lives alone she loves it.My other daughter has a very busy life so has little time for me.She is very caring ,so is my granddaughter,who stays with me once a week.I have lots to do in the day but evenings I find difficult.I have suffered from anxiety because of my loneliness.I did put a meet up message on Gransnet but no one replied in a positive way.The replies were about the place where I live not about meeting up.COVID has a lot to answer for highlighting and questioning our lives.

I only lost my husband in February this year, and I was already retired. I find that I have enough to do now that the Covid-19 situation is a little better. I do have two family members nearby and others about 30 minutes drive away. However, I still can feel a little lonely but, and here's the rub, I have started going out two nights a week but by about 9:30 I'd rather be at home even though I know the house is empty. Its helped by me having taken on my grand daughters cat in May and believe it or not a cat can be company just as much as a dog. I'm not ready for a dog just yet its too much responsibility I like being able to do what I want when I want and not have to worry about getting back for the dog.

I don’t live alone but living with someone you don’t get on with can be worse. I can’t have friends round because he is always there and it is too awkward. Family come occasionally but we don’t have a big family. Spend most of the time in separate rooms. At least if you are on your own you can choose to have company or not.
If you like dogs that is a good idea as is getting engrossed in a hobby.
Do you have family who visit?

live alone. can't have pets as I live in a flat.....

I am on my own, my friends have their own families and understandable spend a lot of time with them. The winter days are long, no gardening to do to get outdoors, so I have a dog to get me out for long walks and you meet other dog walkers for a chat and it breaks your day up. She is great company in the house, I chat away to her and she makes me laugh with her nutty antics. Rescue a wee dog and I promise she will rescue you right back

I found the U3A a lifesaver after my husband died, and I retired, and my children all left, and then my dog died. I've made lots of new friends and taken up new hobbies which all helped. There are still days when I speak to nobody but I try to do housework on those!

Do try to follow up your idea to find some classes or groups for things that interest you. Council run Adult Education classes are a good ztart
You may have missed getting I for this term but can often join in January.

I have lived alone for 15 years now. I have two dogs and because of them, never feel lonely. They seem to want constant attention, so keep me very busy. I am a little introverted and don't miss company, as long as I hear and see family occasionally. I have quite a few hobbies that I enjoy and can do at my leisure. Staying positive is very important and doing things that make you happy. I'm sure you have had lot's of useful comments on here today. I love to read what everyone's thoughts are. Another hobby. I wish you all the best.

Getting a dog is a great idea for some. We had our lovely rescue Yorky for nearly 11 years and he became the centre of our lives. He died in November last year and our lives haven’t been the same since. There are times when I feel the loss is too much and that I’ll never recover. Consequently, we won’t be getting another pet. Think carefully before you decide to have a dog for company.

Msida, in my experience the local dog owners tend to congregate at certain times of day and can be a lovely little group of likeminded. rather soppy, individuals. Why not check out where the local parks are, especially around 8 or 9am and watch out for the doggy brigade and see if you think you could take a little dog to the park two or three times a day for the rest of it's life and would enjoy a chat with these people. If it feels like a thing you could build into your routine, and like animals, it could open a whole new chaper of life. There are dog training classes for newbys as well. I've always found it very sociable and have slowly made good friends over the yaers this way. A dog is expensive (insurance, vet, vaccinations/worm and flea treatment/food/equipment) and if you rent or live in a flat you need to know your landlord is OK with pets, preferably have an enclosed garden.... but if you are able to do so, a dog will pay you back in love and companionship. Loads of little dogs need rescueing, especially after christmas.

Think a lot of things are in the head ?if you keep telling yourself you hate it will?nowadays don’t really have to be alone even only on internet always people around to talk to!

PS I don’t have a dog but my beautiful rescue cat loves me andI adore her. She’s on my lap at the moment

You are still working outside the home so will need some rest at the end of a busy day. Don’t think that you have to cram every waking minute with activity or take on a dozen new activities at once. That too can lead to feeling overwhelmed and more anxiety.

Pick one thng you enjoy that you can become immersed in which may develop in unexpected directions. I am heartened by his story in today’s Guardian about a man who started sketching at 72 and graduated with a Fine Arts degree at 96 - and he isn’t stopping there.

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2021/oct/01/a-new-start-after-60-i-started-sketching-at-72-and-graduated-with-a-fine-art-degree-at-96

Art is wonderful therapy whether you choose to draw, paint, photograph, collage, sculpt, make ceramics or some other form. Textile art can be utterly absorbing. Looking at art, reading about art. It’s all inspiration.

I’m reminded now of a woman, newly widowed, that I got chatting to in a tea shop years ago. I doubt this happens now but Sony (I think it was) had a online group where they invited people to take a photo every day and to post it with some descriptive narrative. They picked a winning entry each day. This was before good quality smart camera phones so she had bought a compact digi. She made sure she went out every single day to take a photo and to write something to submit. She was delighted to have been picked winner on more than one occasion. She and was building her entries into a scrapbook album that she embellished in other ways with sketches and bits of craft material. We met again and she showed me the album. It was lovely. I could see how her skills had blossomed. Such a simple thing to start. It makes you look at your immediate surroundings and beyond. Then you come home, print the image and start writing and building your book. A simple sketch of a leaf, a tree, a building to start. An hour a day maybe. Do it every day for a year and you will look back to see how you started to heal. An idea to think on.

I wish you luck.

I’ve lived alone for the past 7 years after a very acrimonious divorce so for me being alone was peaceful and gave me choices I never had before. I moved near my children 5 years ago so do have company when I need it but still enjoy time on my own doing as I like. I like to listen to music, watch tv, read and knit.

I found it difficult settling into a new area and feel I have pleasant acquaintances rather than friends. I drive back to Wales when I can to see long-standing friends and love that , I am living in Surrey now- very different

I am involved with my local church and volunteer one morning a week. I also still work 2 days a week in a job I love so am lucky in many things. I do find I had to go out actively looking although someone from church introduced me to my volunteering she volunteers at the same place.

So don’t give up and I hope you find some things you like

I live alone and sometimes it is very tough. When it first happened I talked to my brother and he gruffly said ..get a dog, partly so I would feel safer in my house. So I went to the RSPCA, I had no idea what I wanted, it was on my tick list ...there was one pup from a starved litter he licked my neck I phoned my daughter to come in and see he licked her neck and she said. YES. He looked like a bald camel it turned out he was a bedlington lurcher the most gentlemanly of dogs. Well to be honest it changed my life. Since he died after living with me for 15 years I now have Bess and Ivy both doodles from pups.
I really don't think I could live a happy life without them: You have to go out twice a day to the woods park whatever, and a walk always makes you feel better, rain or shine. You mix with people in an uncommitted very easy-going way. I so recommend you get a canine companion. And I would suggest a breed or mixed breed that are companion dogs...poodles are great. They don't chase prey they don't get you into trouble, mind you whippets are lovely...they are all lovely but taking on a breed that has been abandoned as a weapon dog which seem to be the only ones at rescue centres would sadly be too much for women of our age and needs. And healthy puppies cost a lot but Bertie because of his bad start had very expensive health problems because of it. The commitment is a bit like having a child but they are so grateful loving and fun...I'm already excited for you.

I never actually think about the fact that I live alone. It is how my life is so I just get on with it. Try not to overthink how things are is the advice I would give.

I really feel for you and think you are showing courage in listening to the things people are suggesting and opening up to new possibilities. I spent several years on my own and found I had to make myself go out - I joined the local U3A which has proved a wonderful way to meet people, even though I started off shy and uncertain. I even plucked up courage and joined a local barn dancing (folk dancing) group - which was wonderful! I am not a great dancer, but this doesn't matter and people understand and help. There is lots of evidence that dancing is hugely helpful - it means you are with other people, you are getting exercise in a really fun way, and you are enjoying music too. I know many people have an instant response 'That is not for me! I might look a fool! I can't dance!" - but please realise these words are just empty fears - everyone has to learn, and it is about enjoyment, not being a star!

When my younger child left home, Msida and I downsized to a new area, it was just me, a new job and the cats. I worried about not talking to anyone all day at weekends and holiday time, so I didn't buy in a lot of cat food then. If there was nothing in the cupboard to eat, I could always go hungry, but I'd never let the cats go hungry. I became on good terms with people in the shop round the corner, and I knew I'd always get a smile and a short chat when I went in there, a wave when I went past.
When I retired, I got a dog. Same idea, get out every day, a chat and a wave, a 'good morning' gets me through a quiet day.
As regards to hobbies, I do crafts I gave up when the kids came along, I've learnt new skills. If you have a look at U3A sites in your county (not just your immediate area), you'll find so many different pastimes - walking, book clubs, family history, photography, every craft imaginable, choirs, languages, scirnde, Sunday lunching, cards, Scrabble - sorry, you must be dozing off! Have a look, something will appeal.
Lastly, if I can do an art class, anyone can. Don't let lack of talent or expertise hold you back.
Good luck

Dogs are wonderful company, more than you’d think. Maybe something to start looking into for retirement give you a goal and something to look forward too. I second joining something there is a wonderful thing called meet up, check it out I’m sure you’ll find something on there…
Sending you lots of best wishes and even if you join a online group for now to dip your toe and see how you feel, it will do you good x

I think, to some extent, you can get used to living alone, but it takes time.
I must say that the hardest time is in the evenings some days.
Usually have been out at some point , and when I was working, coming home to a dark and empty house and then cook a meal for one was hard.
I just gradually started to find my own interests from reading, to taking up cross stitch and tapestry - both of which I hadn't done for years! (Finding a tapestry cushion cover, that had been a gift and only half done started that!)
So gradually the evenings and weekends didn't seem so long. I must admit though, I miss having someone to sit out in the garden with on summer evenings, just with a cup of tea and chatting until it gets so dark that you can't see across the garden !

Like you, I live alone. I have a small dog. It took me two years to come to the conclusion that having a dog would help me. I wrote lists of pros and cons and the pros list always won out.

He has been with me for nearly 3 years and is a rescue with real problems. I worked hard to get him feeling almost normal then he went blind. He was operated on 3 months ago and his sight restored, but he has gone backwards mentally so I have had to start again.

I am telling you this because I regard my beautiful four legged friend as a really challenging hobby I have to work at. I am learning more every day and he fills my time wonderfully. He just fits on my lap and on those days when I feel down it's so lovely to have him curl up on me on the settee.

I moved to a new area at the start of the year and because of my pooch I have already met loads of people. Dog walkers yes, but also folk who just stop to say hello because I have my dog with me. People who saw him struggle when he was blind have stopped their cars to ask how he's getting on.

He's wonderful to come home to.

You have to remember living alone these days is not unusual, some do by choice or unexpectedly. I started living alone again after a relationship breakup, for me it’s been a total change in lifestyle. I retired a few years back, I moved areas so in some ways I feel lonely at the end of the day but I make sure during the day I get out and see people. I’ve joined U4A recently which is really friendly and so much choice in which groups to join definitely something for everyone. During lockdown I started walking and painting both I find relaxing in different ways.
It’s a same really there’s not a similar group to men’s Shed, as I think women would benefit from that too. Though not a member WI is an option too. If you’re still working why not invite colleagues for a meal at yours or organise work outings. Even reconnect with old friends, work sometimes means friends get put on back burners due to time constraints.
Sometimes think yourself lucky you’ve peace at home, it’s not always greener living with others.

There is a great site called ‘Borrow My Doggy’. It can help match you with someone local who needs their dog walked. Can be weekdays or evenings or weekends. A small fee to join but invaluable. I used it when I moved to a new area and it was brilliant. Fresh air, regular walking, meeting other people (they talk to you much more when you have a dog!) , exploring the area. Also helped me decide that having a dog permanently wasn’t for me!

Sympathy, Msida. I've found that you do get used to it, even come to like it in time. I don't think I could live with anyone now, after 13 years on my own. I never was madly sociable anyway. I hope you have family or friends nearby that you can see sometimes.
The above advice to get a pet is good I think. I do hope you start to feel better very soon.