Visiting children and grandchildren

I’d never cancel an already arranged visit just to accommodate a later visitor.

I think that’s really ill-mannered and disdainful of the cancelled visitors feelings and arrangements they have made.

Allsorts

As usual, the same people saying children are always right. I think they are being totally unreasonable. If the mother is there every week, it wouldn’t hurt her to miss out for once, as for the friends they can be re arranged, but I would go and accept their conditions and reconnect with them all and it’s not worth causing bad feeling as you will be the once to be hurt. I wonder at these young people where their priorities are. Luckily you have a good life with a lovely wife

“ As usual, the same people saying children are always right.”

I know what you mean !

We lived 400 miles away from my husbands parents and saw them twice a year. When we phoned and said “We’re thinking of coming down’ and they said “Oh we’re really busy that week” we didn’t get the huff.

We realised they had a life with lots of friends and interests and we realised they couldn’t drop that just because it suited us.

Priviliged

Peasblossom

Well, you made the decision to remove yourself from their immediate lives, to live at a distance and see them when it suited you.
In other words, you did what you wanted to do with your life.

And they’re doing what they want to do with their lives. Just like you.

You haven’t got a leg to stand on really.

You know nothing about their lives that means you can make these judgements. No need to be so judgemental and unkind.

Was that unkind? It wasn’t meant to be. Just down to earth and fair.

If someone believes they are free to make choices with their life surely they should extend that belief to others?

If my adult children had friends visiting , I wouldn’t dream of
gatecrashing , and if I was divorced and caring for grandchildren I would not want my ex and his wife coming to stay.Peterson obviously lives on another planet as he hasn’t returned to respond!!!

It’s a bit depressing all this, it seems as if you’re not useful to young couples you’re of no use.

But literally no one has said that.

What has been said, and repeated, is that communication needs to happen for successful visits to occur.

Op chose a time that suited them. The whole “vacation” does not suit the other families involved. They are visiting as they can.

I’m not sure what you expect them to do?

Surely no one would suggest a grandparent cancel all plans so that w child could come visit?

I totally agree Smileless.
Jane43 I am so very sorry for your pain, it must be so hard being excluded as you are from both granddaughters weddings and lives. Have they just taken on their parents stance in it all?
It’s a bit depressing all this, it seems as if you’re not useful to young couples you’re of no use.
Don’t know what the poster has decided to do, but he can’t win. Just go and make the most if what’s on offer whilst you can.

Or if it is I am marginalising everyone I know.

It's not marginalising someone to say they can only stay for three nights.

Peasblossom

Well, you made the decision to remove yourself from their immediate lives, to live at a distance and see them when it suited you.
In other words, you did what you wanted to do with your life.

And they’re doing what they want to do with their lives. Just like you.

You haven’t got a leg to stand on really.

You know nothing about their lives that means you can make these judgements. No need to be so judgemental and unkind.

'Maybe they had made plans but they are rarely set in stone'

The daughter is at work, she has a job which is why her mom is there to look after the children. She's her childcare, he is welcome after but that's not good enough.

The other family have already made plans and got friends coming down which has already been arranged for how long we don't know? Have they booked train tickets? We don't know.

To expect both sets of families to call in sick from work, cancel on their friends, change all their plans and have no say whatsoever on who stays in their home and for how long for is SO entitled its crazy!

luluaugust He can't give the same help from abroad. Doesn't mean to say he doesn't care or shouldn't be shown some care and consideration. So are you saying that if grandparents can't help out because of where they are geographically, their children should marginalise them? What a sad state of affairs.

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. All I sense is someone who deeply misses their family and wants to spend some time with them now there is a chance. Maybe they had made plans but they are rarely set in stone and most people would understand particularly given how hard things have been over the last 20 months. It does seem to me that your AC are being somewhat mean-spirited and selfish about it all. Do they know what each other has said to you?
Grandmabatty - why such an angry reply? There was no indication that the AC owed anything.
I do think the idea of treating your wife whilst you stay in the bnb is an excellent idea. Don't give up on your children. Arrive with a smile on your face (however hard the is) and enjoy seeing your GC. I feel for you.

Riggie DD always stays with her DB and family at their home when she visits, because she is happy to sleep on the living room floor on the inflatable bed she always takes with her,

DH and I stay in a hotel when we visit because we have reached an age where we need to have proper beds at a standard height and easy access to a loo.

It says nothing about anything but our increasing age. It could be the same or similar for OP and children. Plenty of people use bedrooms as gyms, sewing rooms, studies and just put mattrasses and inflatable beds in the room if it is needed for visitors. Older people may not be able to cope with these adhoc arrangemens someone much younger can.

I think you are being very unreasonable, your children have said when they can see you and you can stay! They have busy lives too,

You want to give up to easily! Our AC seem to have so many more demands on their time than we had. Working and small children, you are probably better off in a B&B, why not go out and explore the area and then make the most of your time with the GC. The friends probably give a lot of support and help as does daughters mother.

We used to stay with our daughter and family but now the children are bigger they have their own space so not enough room for us. We stay in a hotel nearby which is handy for public amenities and this works well. Still see them a lot but we all have freedom to do what we want/need to do.

No its probably not fair BUT please enjoy fully the little you have with your gc because it's so easy for these situations to explode! My daughter gets stressed with family over night visits we all do short visits and enjoy the time we have. I know others who do not see their grandchildren at all from family fall outs.

Smileless2012

Oh FGS GoldenAge what a ridiculous post. I bet you wouldn't have put that if this was an AC living abroad and wanting to stay with their parents when they visited.

I don't expect the OP will return either Galaxy looking at some of the responses.

Hear hear,

Unlike my typing.

I dont mean because of the responses smileless. I mean that is the general pattern in these type of threads. I may be wrong this time.of course. I think the resonsss on the whole have been fine.

Oh FGS GoldenAge what a ridiculous post. I bet you wouldn't have put that if this was an AC living abroad and wanting to stay with their parents when they visited.

I don't expect the OP will return either Galaxy looking at some of the responses.

Some of us who are estranged from grandchildren would welcome any opportunity to see them irrespective of the cost to us or the time allowed to see them. We haven’t seen or heard from our two oldest granddaughters for 14 years, were excluded from their weddings and will never see our two great-grandchildren. My late mother used to say, ‘Expect nothing and you won’t be disappointed’.

Another issue with visits to ac and gc may be on expectations for the trip.

Both parties may have different agendas for it and it collides

We're another family who don't stay in our daughter's house when we visit. They really don't have the room with two children now anyway.
We used to stay at the Premier Inn, now we take our caravan to a lovely local site. We're here for the week as it's half-term.
We had both children on Sunday afternoon so our daughter and her partner could get some jobs done at home.
On Monday night our granddaughter came to us for a caravan sleepover.
Yesterday was a big get-together at our daughter's house with other family members coming for the day.
It's a good balance and it's like two holidays in one for us.