What would you think if you received this?

yes tickingbird love and respect because they deserved both.

Of course there were times as there are in all relationships when it wasn't easy.

I don't know why some feel the need to say that the relationship/love isn't transactional when I don't recall anyone on this thread saying it is.

As so many have already said, there opinion has been expressed not on the rules per se but on how they were delivered.

Can't believe this thread is still going!

I saw my midwife today. She pretty much set out the rules the niece is talking about. The 2 week thing is to establish breastfeeding and for mum to recover from giving birth in the hospital/covid conditions.
Apparently the breastfeeding rate is at a low and you're twice more likely to get postnatal depression what with everything going on..

Can't think why

GeorgyGirl

I always think it's such a shame that young parents of today make these so called 'rules' especially with close family, it's a bit over the top and to not see the baby for two weeks, that's a bit much.

Why? Everyone has boundaries? Rather then sit and be unhappy with someone behaviour the younger generations are happy to openly communicate. It ensures everyone is comfortable and happy.

I always think it's such a shame that young parents of today make these so called 'rules' especially with close family, it's a bit over the top and to not see the baby for two weeks, that's a bit much.

Where does my post say that relationships are supposed to be transactional? I said reciprocal Bibbity.

What does "an adult woman labouring and delivering a baby" have to do with this thread which has asked how we would feel if we received the message the OP's sister has received from her D, who incidentally hasn't had the baby yet.

Where have I said that children owe their parents anything?

What's the point of quoting my post when your response has nothing to do with what I said?

tickingbird

*Violet Sky*

People don’t have children for what they can do for them. The majority love and cherish their children all their lives.

It’s becoming more and more apparent that there’s a certain type of person with a self centred, selfish attitude that still believes they can have their parents at their beck and call as they did when they were toddlers but they can shun and ignore them when it suits. They tend to cry narcissist and go no contact when said parent refuses to jump through their hoops anymore. I’ve never been on the receiving end of it but I know others who have and I’ve read lots on these threads.

As my late mum used to say. “Everyone gets old you have it all to come”.

I'm no contact with my mother because she is abusive as you should know if you have read what I have said about her.

She didn't listen when I explained how her behaviour was hurting me either and I didn't even need to use words like narcissist to explain that to her.

The idea that she would ever be at my beck and call or jump through hoops for me is quite funny. It was sadly the other way around until I realised love is not transactional.

I too have a good relationship with my children but if they tell me I am not respecting them, crossing boundaries or hurting them I will listen, as they listen to me.

Mother to a toddler here. These are very common guidelines during covid and I think this is a very polite note attempting to manage expectations in advance. Your niece has done an excellent job of communicating their boundaries and safety precautions clearly.

My child was born a few weeks before covid, so we were able to welcome visitors to the hospital. But we did establish a clear boundary that we wouldn’t be welcoming any visitors to our home whatsoever until our son was a week old. My MIL wasn’t happy about it, but I knew that we needed this quiet time to settle in at home, work on breastfeeding and bond with our son in peace. Watching everyone play pass the football with our son at the hospital when I was exhausted, hormonal, trying to recovery, and struggling with breastfeeding was hard enough. We requested grandparents, aunts and uncles to get a flu shot and be up to their date on tdap shots (we were so grateful no one gave us a hard time about vaccines). We also requested no kisses on face or hands because it was rsv season, which was very widespread at the time and is extremely dangerous to newborns. We allowed kisses on the top of the head or body. Again, my MIL wasn’t happy about no kissing, but she mostly complied. If we had known about covid then, I absolutely would’ve required covid vaccines and a negative test to hold our newborn.

You may think this is excessive, but you can’t possibly imagine what it’s like to have a newborn during the pandemic. Our responsibilities as parents are to our children. While I feel guilt and sadness when I disappoint family members, my child’s safety will always come before other family members’ feelings.

Your niece’s child will be born in the dead of winter. At the height of flu, rsv and - now - covid season. Being a family member (even grandma) doesn’t give one a magical power to not transmit illness, nor does it entitle one to make demands and apply guilt on the new parents here. Please recognize that disappointment is understandable and valid, but there is serious narcissism in holding your wants and expectations in higher regard than this new mom’s and her child’s needs.

tickingbird

*Bibbity*. Entitlement of the deluded daughter. It’s so funny.

It's her body. It's her baby. The mother is nowhere in the occasion in that.

What exactly is she being entitled about? Go on type it out!

She's not asking or demanding anything. So what does she wrongly feel entitled to?

Privacy? Respect? Kindness?

My Mum has a thing about people kissing babies (or not as the case is with her, she was adamant we not let anyone kiss our babies )

Bibbity. Entitlement of the deluded daughter. It’s so funny.

*grans

tickingbird

*Smileless*. Didn’t just love them. We respected them. Did my mum drive me up the wall? Yes she did. Did I turn my back on her because she often got on my nerves? No I didn’t. Was I with her until her final breath? Yes I was because she was my mum and we only have one.

Asking someone not to visit for two weeks is hardly turning your back on them.

If you read through, it’s the grand suggesting that OPs sister turn her back on her daughter.

Smileless. Didn’t just love them. We respected them. Did my mum drive me up the wall? Yes she did. Did I turn my back on her because she often got on my nerves? No I didn’t. Was I with her until her final breath? Yes I was because she was my mum and we only have one.

tickingbird

*Violet Sky*

People don’t have children for what they can do for them. The majority love and cherish their children all their lives.

It’s becoming more and more apparent that there’s a certain type of person with a self centred, selfish attitude that still believes they can have their parents at their beck and call as they did when they were toddlers but they can shun and ignore them when it suits. They tend to cry narcissist and go no contact when said parent refuses to jump through their hoops anymore. I’ve never been on the receiving end of it but I know others who have and I’ve read lots on these threads.

As my late mum used to say. “Everyone gets old you have it all to come”.

Excerpt that this entire thread is about a orient not respecting and understanding simple request and boundaries Simply because of entitlement.

tickingbird

*Violet Sky*

People don’t have children for what they can do for them. The majority love and cherish their children all their lives.

It’s becoming more and more apparent that there’s a certain type of person with a self centred, selfish attitude that still believes they can have their parents at their beck and call as they did when they were toddlers but they can shun and ignore them when it suits. They tend to cry narcissist and go no contact when said parent refuses to jump through their hoops anymore. I’ve never been on the receiving end of it but I know others who have and I’ve read lots on these threads.

As my late mum used to say. “Everyone gets old you have it all to come”.

Not everyone who has boundaries does in fact expect people to then jump for them.

In fact, having healthy boundaries means respecting other people as you expect to be treated.

It’s not about being selfish. It’s usually actually a kindness, so everyone knows where they stand.

Smileless2012

The relationship between parents and their AC should be a reciprocal relationship between adults.

"In other cultures elders are venerated not treated like annoyances that are only good for childcare" and there was a time it was like that here too tickingbird.

Not sure about venerated but there was certainly respect, appreciation and consideration and it wasn't that long ago because that's how it was between us and our parents because we loved them.

What does that have to do with an adult woman labouring and delivering a baby? That is nothing to do with the relationship.

This thread has been very eye opening. Relationships aren't supposed to be transactional.

children do no owe their parents especially during such a private time.

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

Violet Sky

People don’t have children for what they can do for them. The majority love and cherish their children all their lives.

It’s becoming more and more apparent that there’s a certain type of person with a self centred, selfish attitude that still believes they can have their parents at their beck and call as they did when they were toddlers but they can shun and ignore them when it suits. They tend to cry narcissist and go no contact when said parent refuses to jump through their hoops anymore. I’ve never been on the receiving end of it but I know others who have and I’ve read lots on these threads.

As my late mum used to say. “Everyone gets old you have it all to come”.

The relationship between parents and their AC should be a reciprocal relationship between adults.

"In other cultures elders are venerated not treated like annoyances that are only good for childcare" and there was a time it was like that here too tickingbird.

Not sure about venerated but there was certainly respect, appreciation and consideration and it wasn't that long ago because that's how it was between us and our parents because we loved them.

tickingbird

^Love is supposed to be supporting your children as they transition into being parents...^

It’s also about being respectful and understanding towards the parents who have nurtured and sacrificed for you as they transition into old age and beyond. In other cultures elders are venerated not treated like annoyances that are only good for free child care.

Love is not transactional.

We choose to have children.

Having children for what they can do for you is wrong.

They don't owe us anything.

If they give back it should be because we earned their respect.

If they give back it should be out of live not duty.

tickingbird

^It’s still trauma to your body and physically and emotionally exhausting. That’s assuming you have an easy uncomplicated labour^

For the snowflake generation obviously!

Good to know you were a medical marvel who healed immediately.

Good for you.

Spare a thought and use that empathy and respect you want for yourself on a younger generation.

Calistemon

^With my first, my mother was there with me the. entire. time. And she would not stop talking. All through labor. 3 hours of delivery. When I got home. Just kept talking^

freedomfromthepast it can't have been funny but the way you tell it I'm laughing. Could you not have stuffed a nappy in her mouth?

I laugh about it now. It was 18 year ago this week! So many times I wanted to stuff a nappy in her mouth.

The real funny story is when my husband looked at me and told me how tired he was and his feet hurt. Not the best statement to the person who had been in labor so long they had to hook me up to an IV to give me meds to get it going, then pushed for 3 hours and finally had to suction her out of there.

I get it, he WAS tired and his feet DID hurt. Just not the best timing.

It’s still trauma to your body and physically and emotionally exhausting. That’s assuming you have an easy uncomplicated labour

For the snowflake generation obviously!

Love is supposed to be supporting your children as they transition into being parents...

It’s also about being respectful and understanding towards the parents who have nurtured and sacrificed for you as they transition into old age and beyond. In other cultures elders are venerated not treated like annoyances that are only good for free child care.

I don't see the problem. As grandmother I've already had the joy and the fun, and the terror of bringing my newborn babies home, and now it's the turn of my adult DC to enjoy their babies in their own time, and their own way. Is it really so hard to respect the new parents' request for a little time to get their breath back before having to pass their precious bundle around the wider family? The first cuddle will be just as wonderful at two weeks as at two days old, baby won't care as it will only want its mother, and perhaps mum's stitches and bruising are settling, her milk will have come in, and she'll be a little less scared of handling this new person than she was at one day old. It's not a competition.