What would you think if you received this?

Maybe parents these days want to enjoy their baby, not just survive and put up with social and family expectations

Nobody knows how much time you have left on this earth

How did we survive!? Our parents? Grandparents? My dad was born in 1917. He survived a flu pandemic, without the NHS and interventional drugs that we have these days. He survived a war, but lost both legs. I would be heartbroken if I had not been able to meet my two beautiful granddaughters for that long. Every moment is just as precious for the grandparents too, we will have less time with them in the long run.

I’d reply… yes , no problem at all , although we are very busy and a bit under the weather ourselves . However we will try to fit you in for a visit in the next couple of months . Congratulations on your precious baby ❤️

I think this is the way of covid, being safe. They did say they would face time so I'm afraid it will have to do. If they do phone for help I personally would quote rules, no I wouldn't. My daughter wanted rules around Christmas when her son was born, we could not visit on Christmas day as they wanted day for them. We stuck to it the first year, after that they phoned us at beginning if December to tell us they were wrong and to visit Christmas day. We visit every Christmas day now. Give them time and see what happens, it is their child. Xxxx

I just would not bother going to visit at all.
Very rude listing rules for your mum or dad I'm sure they have the common sense to be sensible and have the new mums and baby's interest at heart.
I would feel absolutely gutted and upset

Oh how I enjoyed those days in hospital after my three were born in the 1980s!
It was five days if bottle feeding, six days if breast feeding and ten days if you'd had a section.
Visitors were strictly limited to two at a time and only for an hour in the afternoon.
Only baby's father was allowed to visit in the evening.
All meals and drinks were provided, help and advice from caring midwives and nursery nurses was available whenever you needed it.
We all bonded with our baby, sharing stories and experiences with the other new mums.
No worries about what was going on at home.

I was told with my second that I could go home a day early, on the Sunday, but I knew my fuss-pot mother-in-law was at our house. She'd already visited me and seen the new baby.
I asked the staff if I could stay until the Monday as expected and planned.
Mother-in-law went home none the wiser, and my husband and our two year old came to the hospital to bring me and the new baby home. Perfect.

Looking back it was an invaluable time and I actually feel a bit sorry for today's new mums.
Earlier this year my daughter had a section on a Friday and was discharged on the Saturday, but the paperwork for her and her day-old baby took so long it was midnight before she actually got home. She was shattered.

trisher, not taking the baby out before churching was never a religious requirement but in some parts of the country it was a tradition.

My mother was 'churched' after each birth. In each case it was a quiet moment of prayer and thanksgiving for the safe delivery of a healthy child and a blessing by the priest and took place, for convenience, after the christening. My mother was going out with the baby as soon as she returned from hospital. no waiting for the christening and churching.

f77ms

I would be hurt and shocked. The new mother may change her mind when she needs help in a few days. My Mum would have told me to stop being ridiculous and grow up but i wouldn't have dared to send her such a note.

If my mother had told me to stop being ridiculous and grow up about any of my rules about my own child she would have been waiting quite some time for an apology for what I would say to that.

I can totally understand they are being precious about their little baby and are perfectly correct about her immune system etc. They are brave to lay out their rules and their expectations and I salute them for doing so. I remember feeling very feint when I was making cups of tea for early visitors to my second child and saw stars in kitchen. My midwife told me off and said it should be the visitors making me cups of tea instead. The visitor was my own mother. I think the new parents are being very sensible and I would not be put out at all, especially as there are plenty of ways of seeing the baby now with FaceTime, zoom etc without risking infections.

Tracy240

If one of my daughters had sent this to me I would of been so upset. Covid or no Covid. Your first GC is the most precious thing in the world and there is no way I would wait 2 weeks to meet them. I met all four of mine the day they were born I couldn’t wait to meet them but also check my daughters were well and give them a hug from mum.

The child is more precious to the parents than as a grandchild though.

Surely you would want to support them in keeping their precious child and your precious grandchild safe?

I thought churching was a blessing given to the mother after giving birth. A bit outdated now but growing up as a catholic most women were “churched” before taking baby out for visits

And trisher

Thanks agnurse

Hithere

May I ask what "churched" mean?

There's an explanation of the tradition in Wiki en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Churching_of_women
The baby was also not allowed to be taken on visits or to another house until after it had been christened.

I would be hurt and shocked. The new mother may change her mind when she needs help in a few days. My Mum would have told me to stop being ridiculous and grow up but i wouldn't have dared to send her such a note.

The rules are patronising and precious. This woman brought up a family so if it were me I would be VERY offended.

Wow! At last some sensible parents!
I'd be really pleased to hear were getting a sneak peak facetime and would appreciate their candour and fairness. Having had a DS putting up with his MiL every time(3) staying with them from before day one to day 15 ruining their bonding timesz I think your mate should be honoured to be so well informed. Why do GPs feel they have a "right" to see GKs on demand?

I think she has to respect their rules etc and let them do it their way however when they eventually ask for her help point out how upset she was by this message and that they should not take her help for granted in the future.

Does CF stand for what I think it stands for?

GraceQuirrel

Uptight! I’d leave it a month and leave them to ask when I’m coming. CF’s.

How are they CFs??

They’ve not asked for anything?

Hithere

Communication involves talking, listening, understanding what the message is and think now to proceed based on that message

This mother is clearly not listening when she pulled the "but I am your mom" card

Exactly

Anyone who thinks the grandma wouldn’t also try to invite them in/hold baby/ guilt them after they do stop by for a “peek”, hasn’t dealt with someone unreasonable enough to guilt an adult setting a reasonable boundary after a medical event with “but I’m your mum”.

I had this but with 10 days with my first and only grandchild so far. I was told gently over the phone by my son though.
My first neice is 53 and I was 14 when she was born. We all, my mum, dad myself and younger brother trooped over to the hospital and saw her through the glass from the corridor. I fell in love instantly and did same with the following seven! I dont really remember my big sister, her mum, but the baby made a huge impact. Things were very different then. You stayed in hospital for 10 days with a first. I imagined this would happen when I became a granny.
It seems to be common now to keep visitors at bay and I can understand it to a degree. I would have loved to have helped, but they are adults and it's there life. I was disappointed but they let the parents visit on day 7 as baby was poorly and they were stressed enough from the emergency c section and DIL definitely needed her family and I think my son did too. Looking back I think they put a very brave face on it, but I could have done all the housework and they could have rested but then they would not have had their baby "cocoon". Swings and roundabouts I guess. Meeting my grandchild at 7 days was amazing, couldnt believe the love I had for her and it's still growing.

Hithere

It comes from an ancient church tradition. Women received a blessing from the priest prior to childbirth, and also afterwards. IIRC, the latter was usually given the first time the mother and baby attended church after the baby was born.

Back in those days, childbirth was of course very dangerous, and women were sometimes kept in seclusion for days or even weeks prior to, and following, the birth of their babies.

I'd have been Appalled to receive this. Regardless of the requirements being common sense.

I'd certainly have been worried about the state my daughter must be in to send a message like that, which would have held me back from replying with "Rules for welcoming visitors", including, Remember that some of them may have had babies themselves, and ending with They may be kind enough to offer to make coffee, make sure that the wherewithal is easy to find.
Really!

We waited just over a week with our first for visitors, pre-planned and I don’t regret it, nor did I need to call any grandparents whilst I was sobbing on my knees. I wish we would have waited a little bit longer because I was quite poorly from birth (I had a bit haemorrhage), and just wanted to focus on my baby, breastfeeding well, and my recovery. My husband didn’t want to spend his short paternity leave passing his baby to relatives either. It worked well for us, and I would absolutely support anyone in having no visitors for a while after birth. Adding covid into the mix makes these precautions even more sensible.

Any intrusiveness as this stage, would have made me push back further.