I've been in a relationship with a man for two years. We used to be friends in our twenties and then met up again just before the first lockdown and had two dates before we couldn't see each other for a while. We have since been dating but it has to be every other weekend because he has teenage children in another county who he has on alternate weekends. He also has a job which starts at 5am every morning and is long distance driving, so even if we wanted to have week day dates in the evenings, he's too tired to come over because he's falling asleep by 8pm.
We do have a few things in common but there is also the issue of him living with his mum since his divorce. She is quite religious so she doesn't like the idea of me staying over unless we get married, which I respect.
I have my own house and mortgage etc and I work full time and I'm generally a person who likes to be planning towards me next dream or goal, whether it's saving for a nice trip away, or my next career move.
I'd like to think my partner was the same but the fact is, he isn't. In two years, I haven't seen him aspiring to find a place of his own. Even though he says he hates his current career and wants to move into something more 9-5 so he can see me, I haven't seen him looking at alternatives and how to move towards those.
Every other weekend, he arrives at mine with a bag of supermarket food and beer, and the routine is he helps cook dinner, then drinks 4 cans of beer, falls asleep, then wants to go for a bike ride with me on the weekend. We have tried to go on adventures and have had two nice trips to Scotland but now he wants to plan another cycling trip to Scotland and I think I've reached a crunch point.
I am bored and disheartened and just don't feel I have any bond with him.
He forgot to give me a Christmas card, even though he bought me a lovely, well thought out bracelet but I'm a person who values a card with words of affirmation more than any present.
Friends say I'm lucky and that I should keep trying to make it work but my heart is screaming no now. I'm getting to the stage where I'm dreading the weekend he's due to come over because I know exactly how it'll be and I don't want to cuddle up to someone I saw two weeks ago. There's just no want and I am feeling neglected.
I've tried having this conversation with him but he just doesn't seem to get the message and things don't really change.
Am I just being overly critical or do I have a point?
I was very hurt in a previous relationship which is why I may have jogged along with this one for two years but I have this feeling that the authentic 'me' is trying to emerge now and she is wanting very different things.
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