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Going one better?

(33 Posts)
OnwardandUpward Fri 11-Feb-22 14:50:08

What's it called when you say you're tired, but the other person has to say they are exhausted? Or if you say you need to be up early, they have to be up at 5am AND do all their housework before leaving?

I have a new friend who, if I say anything always has to go one better. I'm trying to gauge if it's a red flag, or what it means? I've never met anyone where it's so obvious before.

Lucca Fri 11-Feb-22 14:51:34

If you’ve been Tenerife she’s been to Elevenerife…?

Lucca Fri 11-Feb-22 14:52:15

She’s being a Judith Two Sheds …

Beechnut Fri 11-Feb-22 14:55:41

Lucca

If you’ve been Tenerife she’s been to Elevenerife…?

I love that one Lucca
Aren’t people who do that also called ‘toppers’ ?

OnwardandUpward Fri 11-Feb-22 14:59:54

LOL thanks. Yes I think she might have been to Elevenerife!

Not sure if it's a red flag as far as friendships go?

Bridgeit Fri 11-Feb-22 15:02:08

I don’t know if it has a ‘name or a term’ but it is quite tiresome & tiring to deal with . Does this person have redeeming traits that outweigh this annoying one. ?Best wishes

Germanshepherdsmum Fri 11-Feb-22 15:02:25

It would drive me mad. I’d keep her in the ‘acquaintance’ category.

SueDonim Fri 11-Feb-22 15:14:34

That’s known in this house as Black Catting.

‘I saw a black cat.’

‘I saw a cat that was blacker.’ hmm

OnwardandUpward Fri 11-Feb-22 15:15:13

I do like her, but we have only exchanged messages and not spent much actual time together.

I'm trying to work out what may be behind it. If she's very insecure, for example, I'd be sympathetic...

Tina49 Fri 11-Feb-22 15:22:56

Oneupmanship?

Witzend Fri 11-Feb-22 15:24:38

I had an aunt like this. My father’s nickname for her was Winnie Vinegar-Bottle.
My mother was once telling me about the friend of a friend who’d been diagnosed with a very rare disease.

‘For God’s sake don’t tell Winnie Vinegar-Bottle’, said my DF. ‘She’ll know someone who’s had it twice.’ ?

DiscoDancer1975 Fri 11-Feb-22 15:28:20

Oh my goodness....those people. They’ve always done/ had / been it twice as hard for ten times as long! ?

Good luck with that?

SueDonim Fri 11-Feb-22 15:29:06

I think it can be a mix of insecurity and wanting to have the last word. It’s annoying, whatever the cause!

Josieann Fri 11-Feb-22 15:29:25

I do like her, but we have only exchanged messages and not spent much actual time together.
Maybe that is it. Because you haven't been together much, she is taking the lead from your messages and just coming back with something to say almost. So if you say to me you were walking the dog early, I might say I was at the gym at 6 am.

Kamiso Fri 11-Feb-22 15:35:22

A GP we had years ago had this problem! Whatever your ailment he’d always had it twice as bad.

My mother died the week before DD2 was born. When I told him I was given a detailed account of how his mother had died, obviously her death was worse than my mother’s, even though it had happened thirty years ago.

HowVeryDareYou Fri 11-Feb-22 15:36:14

I've never heard of Judith Two Sheds grinbut I know someone named Judith, and she has got that one-upmanship thing.

nadateturbe Fri 11-Feb-22 15:43:50

My DiL is a bit like this. Her problems are always the worst! I think it's a need for attention for some reason.

Hetty58 Fri 11-Feb-22 15:51:22

It's competitive. I have a relative who sees everything as a competition (and she's a terrible snob).

Everything she has or does is better, superior, posher, more valuable etc.

E.g. her children, house, holidays, marriage, grandchildren, career, achievements - in fact, everything - is/are so much better/shinier/brighter than mine!

I can have great fun, now, by 'replying' for her first:

'I got it from John Lewis, but I'm sure you can buy them in Harrods.'

'She won silver - I bet yours would win gold.'

'PhD, but I know you'd do better'

'Three orgasms, you'd have had ten!'

MayBeMaw Fri 11-Feb-22 17:31:47

That reminds me of someone who is referred to as “two yolks” ?????

Aldom Fri 11-Feb-22 17:55:12

There is a drain just behind where my car is parked on the drive. I mentioned to a friend that I was always afraid of dropping my car/house keys in the drain when accessing the boot. One day a mutual friend was at my house at the same time as my other friend. The mutual friend is a 'two yolk' person. As we passed my car my friend pointed to the drain saying 'Aldom is always afraid of dropping her keys in the drain'. Two yolk replied 'I've seen bigger drains than that' I'm laughing now as I type.
My husband was in hospital following a stroke when he had a massive brain bleed (from which he later died). While the crash team worked on my husband I sat outside his room and was joined by the hospital chaplain. He spent the entire time telling me in great detail about when his wife died!! How about that for one upmanship.

Germanshepherdsmum Fri 11-Feb-22 18:11:36

How awful for you Aldom. So sorry. Hope he's moved to a more suitable position.

ElaineI Fri 11-Feb-22 18:20:16

Oh my Aldom what an awful experience. Doesn't sound like he was very good in his vocation.

Serendipity22 Fri 11-Feb-22 18:21:19

Witzend that is sooooo funny. LOL. LOL.

Winnie Vinegar Bottle hahahaha.

VioletSky Fri 11-Feb-22 18:24:11

One-upmanship?

I think some people share to show empathy and understanding and I guess, sometimes they will have had a worse experience.

Some people though make your need for help and support about themselves and you end up comforting them which isn't helpful.

If every time you have any conversation it's the same I think that would be a red flag

Serendipity22 Fri 11-Feb-22 18:28:22

Flippin heck !!! So whats the psychological reason behind all that ?

I havent anyone in my circle of friends for the sole reason that i wouldn't tolerate it. That sounds a bit harsh, i dont mean it harshly, i mean i just wouldnt class them as friend material if they had to spout off that did this and that bigger and better than me.

Pfft.

smilesmilesmile