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Homeless daughter and her family

(27 Posts)
Janamax Mon 21-Feb-22 21:34:32

I would like some advice please on a difficult situation that my family is in. My daughter, her partner and child were evicted from their flat last year due to unpaid rent during the pandemic. They have been living with my husband and I since just before Christmas. The agreement is that they pay us money for their upkeep and can stay with us until they get themselves financially more stable and can rent another property. They are making arrangements to pay the rent arrears that they owe and are currently saving for a deposit. However, they have had problems with being paid Universal Credit this month and this has made them short of money. There have been a few other financial difficulties and I am beginning to worry that they will not be able to get a place of their own. Relationships are now becoming strained - my husband and I are finding it difficult living with a boisterous toddler as we are used to a quiet life and we are finding it difficult sharing a house with a young family at our age. Unfortunately the situation is beginning to depress me somewhat and I am becoming quite anxious. I suffer from severe arthritis and have trouble coping with the mess in my home. My daughters partner works in a care home and this, along with my Grandaughter at nursery, is putting my health at risk from Covid and other illnesses. I have had four bad Colds since they have been living with us and also a serious infection that required antibiotics. To be quite Frank I am at my wits end and I don't know what to do. I dispair that they will never leave.

PerserverencePays Mon 21-Feb-22 22:18:27

Is it possible for them to present themselves to the council as homeless? I was in a similar position years ago and had to write a statement that I could no longer house my daughter because of ill health. The council did find her a little flat.
It's a terribly difficult thing to say but ultimately you will be helping them into independent housing and they must want that surely.

ElaineI Mon 21-Feb-22 22:24:12

Very difficult situation for you all. Regarding covid - depends where you live. If in England, Boris says get back to normal, no restrictions. If elsewhere daughter's partner can do lateral flows twice a week - should be anyway. Toddlers don't have to. They can get colds every month - normal for them but not you. Ask your daughter to keeping wiping things with antibacterial and everyone to wash their hands frequently.
Re mess - if your daughter doesn't work she should be tidying the mess. With a toddler clear away toys before new ones come out.
Re money and a home - could they apply to council, get advice from citizens advice and approach a debt agency to help? DD2 has had help from CAP - Christians Against Poverty - for last 3 years. They made a plan, contacted people owed money and organised the money - debts paid, council tax paid, power, phone etc paid and some to save - also advised re UC and any benefits she could get.

tanith Mon 21-Feb-22 22:26:00

It does sound like the stress is making you sicker than you might otherwise be. Be aware that in most districts nowadays council do not have a stock of empty homes waiting, most families have to go into temporary accommodation but having rent arrears already may be taken into account. I do hope you find an answer to a sad dilemma.

Bibbity Mon 21-Feb-22 22:35:51

When they were evicted did they leave willingly or did they wait for the bailiffs?
If so they are able to present to the council as homeless and be housed by them.

paddyann54 Mon 21-Feb-22 22:43:35

If they were evicted last year their landlord may be breaking the law.In Scotland we were not allowed to ask tenants to leave regrdless of the reason .Check with your local landlords registration dept of your council .If thats the case they may be able to house her quicker .

Jane43 Mon 21-Feb-22 22:46:51

A few years ago I worked with somebody whose son lived with his girlfriend and baby son in his girlfriend’s parents’ house. It sounds a similar situation to what PerseverancePays posted about. The parents wrote a letter saying that they could no longer live with them and gave a date for them to leave. The couple took the letter to the council and applied for accommodation and within a short time they were given accommodation, I think it was a house. If you felt able to, perhaps you could write a letter to them saying the situation was affecting your health, possibly with a supporting letter from your doctor. As far as I know living with family affects what benefits can be claimed so it is in their interests to move out. It would be best to get their names put on waiting lists for Housing Association property as such accommodation is more secure than privately rented accommodation.

Elizabeth27 Mon 21-Feb-22 22:58:12

It could be a long wait for any help with housing as they have somewhere to live. It depends on your council and their waiting lists as to whether the hardship on you would be taken into account.

I would concentrate on trying to get the money they need to move out.

Once they have moved if they find themselves in the same position do not take them in, the council would have a duty to rehome them if there is a child in the family.

welbeck Mon 21-Feb-22 23:07:27

you need to evict them.
they will never leave otherwise, as it is unlikely that they can afford to; they need to present as homeless at the council.
good luck.

welbeck Mon 21-Feb-22 23:11:12

by the way, why did they leave the previous place.
was there a court order, an eviction notice, and bailiffs to turn them out.
if not, they should not have left. and you should not have taken them in.
the council will only help if they are homeless.
you and/or they need to take specialist advice.

Deedaa Mon 21-Feb-22 23:23:43

I am in a simila.r situation with my son's expartner. She stayed in her flat until she was evicted as the council advised. They had no where for her so I told them she could stay with me till the end of February. They are now telling her they don't have to rehouse her because she is living with me! A friend who has had the same problem said that she had to write to the council and say the situation had become unbearable and she was going to evict her son.

Hithere Tue 22-Feb-22 01:09:34

Getting back on your feet is a very subjective period of time

Were any rules of cohabitation agreed upon?

You will have to talk to them to let them know the arrangement is no longer working and they have X weeks to look for a new place - and mean it!

ShazzaKanazza Tue 22-Feb-22 09:02:16

This is such a difficult situation and I really feel for you. You either have to sit them down and say how it isn’t working for you the way it is now, but it could be easier if you all agreed a way forward where they can stay but here are the new rules after all they are your family. Or you are going to have to be cruel to be kind.

My mum was in a similar situation where my sister left her very difficult husband with her two children and the clothes on her back. She stayed with mum and stepfather but after a while it wasn’t working so mum had to write a letter to stay they were having to leave. It was difficult for mum but made a little easier by my sister agreeing that’s what she had to do.
Initially she was put into a B and B in one room but then moved to a temporary house. A few months later was given a council house. It was a tough time for them all but it was the only thing they could do.

My other sister who then had a little baby was put out by her baby’s father and had to turn up on the council’s doorstep so as she was with a baby they put her straight into temporary accommodation that day and a few weeks later she got a permanent council flat.
It will be hard for you as you have your little grandaughter so you really need to sit everyone down and have a difficult conversation. Please put your health first.

Jaxjacky Tue 22-Feb-22 09:20:12

As others have said, you need to evict them, the council will then have to house them.

Janamax Tue 22-Feb-22 09:59:27

Thank you all for your kind words of advice. You have all given me a lot to think about. This situation cannot go on as it is for much longer and I have some tough decisions to make.

ShazzaKanazza Tue 22-Feb-22 10:02:24

Yes you really do Janamax, my heart goes out to you for the strength you will need.

Germanshepherdsmum Tue 22-Feb-22 11:16:19

It sounds though they were evicted at a time when this was temporarily illegal. I don’t know why they didn’t know that. Unfortunately they won’t be able to supply satisfactory references for a future landlord, who understandably would be reluctant to take on tenants with a history of rent arrears, so realistically their only recourse is the local authority who will probably take the view that they shouldn’t have moved when they did so in effect made themselves homeless. No help to you I know. I think there is no alternative but for them to go to the local authority housing department and tell them what happened and that they can’t continue to live with you because of your health, and see what they advise. Unfortunately if the local authority is willing to house them, perhaps after you’ve had to evict them, at first they will probably only get B&B accommodation which I know will be upsetting all round, but things can’t continue as they are and the sooner that nettle is grasped the better. I hope all works out well for you all.

Barmeyoldbat Tue 22-Feb-22 11:43:59

Same position as my gd and son. He has given a written statement saying they can no live with him and the council has given them temporary accommodation. They now move through the system until they are given a more permanent place.

JaneJudge Tue 22-Feb-22 11:47:14

I agree, they need to make an appointment with their local authorities housing department and say they are homeless. Npthing will happen otherwise

Floradora9 Tue 22-Feb-22 21:24:02

I agree with the advice formally tell them by letter they have to leave on a certain date outlinging all the problems and get them to take it to the council.

HurdyGurdy Tue 22-Feb-22 22:22:16

I think they may find problems in securing a tenancy whilst they still have outstanding arrears on their previous property. If you make them homeless, they may just be placed in B&B or hostel accommodation, which could be anywhere in the country and if rejected, may be told that the council has no duty to rehouse them.

Would you possibly be in a position to repay (lend them) the money to clear the arrears, as this may clear the way for them to be offered alternative accommodation.

The council may not have accommodation available but may be able to help out via a "Let's Rent" type scheme (that's what it's called in our local area, anyway) where they can put up the deposit and first month's rent to a private landlord.

It's a very uncomfortable position for you to be in, but you need to put your own needs and health first. If they stay with you for very much longer, it sounds as though tensions may overheat and irreparable damage could be done to your relationship.

HurdyGurdy Tue 22-Feb-22 22:33:10


It could be a long wait for any help with housing as they have somewhere to live. It depends on your council and their waiting lists as to whether the hardship on you would be taken into account.

I would concentrate on trying to get the money they need to move out.

Once they have moved if they find themselves in the same position do not take them in, the council would have a duty to rehome them if there is a child in the family.

The council would have a duty to accommodate the child, not the adults. This could mean taking the child into temporary foster care until the parents have secured permanent accommodation.

We come across this all the time at work, and it's surprising how many families "evict" their adult children and grandchildren and have the expectation that they will automatically be given accommodation, because they have a child. And surprising how many manage to find suitable accommodation once they are told that only the child/ren would be accommodated.

Germanshepherdsmum Wed 23-Feb-22 09:19:36

I’m afraid even if the rent arrears are repaid the landlord is unlikely to give them a good enough reference to secure another private rental. Who would take the risk of them getting into financial difficulties again?

DiscoDancer1975 Wed 23-Feb-22 11:57:10

My friend had this problem. The only way for the council to look at them, is if they’re homeless. So you would need to physically evict them. I’m assuming you would, understandably, not want to do this.

My friend’s daughter was eventually housed, after winning a bid. It took five years I think.

It’s such a horrible position to be in, and so hard for you. You say your SIL works in a care home, and your granddaughter spends some time at nursery. What is your daughter doing? Looking for work? She should be doing housework, cooking etc. It sounds like she’s not pulling her weight. Sorry if I’m wrong.

You don’t necessarily need them out...although it would be preferable I can see. Just make sure you’re not carrying them. They should be carrying you.

I do hope you get it resolved soon.

Iam64 Wed 23-Feb-22 12:03:36

CAB may be able to give good legal advice on their housing situation.
They need to present to the local authority housing department as homeless. Your doctor may be willing to write a letter in support of the need for them to be housed urgently because of your health.
Ask your local councillor to support their application for urgent housing.
Don’t let up keep up the pressure. That means your daughter and husband leading on this