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Homeless daughter and her family

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Janamax Mon 21-Feb-22 21:34:32

I would like some advice please on a difficult situation that my family is in. My daughter, her partner and child were evicted from their flat last year due to unpaid rent during the pandemic. They have been living with my husband and I since just before Christmas. The agreement is that they pay us money for their upkeep and can stay with us until they get themselves financially more stable and can rent another property. They are making arrangements to pay the rent arrears that they owe and are currently saving for a deposit. However, they have had problems with being paid Universal Credit this month and this has made them short of money. There have been a few other financial difficulties and I am beginning to worry that they will not be able to get a place of their own. Relationships are now becoming strained - my husband and I are finding it difficult living with a boisterous toddler as we are used to a quiet life and we are finding it difficult sharing a house with a young family at our age. Unfortunately the situation is beginning to depress me somewhat and I am becoming quite anxious. I suffer from severe arthritis and have trouble coping with the mess in my home. My daughters partner works in a care home and this, along with my Grandaughter at nursery, is putting my health at risk from Covid and other illnesses. I have had four bad Colds since they have been living with us and also a serious infection that required antibiotics. To be quite Frank I am at my wits end and I don't know what to do. I dispair that they will never leave.

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grandtanteJE65 Wed 23-Feb-22 13:12:41

I suggest that you and your husband sit down with your daughter and her husband and have a serious talk.

The present arrangement is proving not such a good idea as you all hoped.

You say they are making arrangments to pay their arrears of rent and are saving for a deposit. Surely, they should be dealing with the rent they owe first and be paying you housekeeping money?

Once the debt they owe is cleared they can start saving up for a deposit.

Perhaps you need professional help to sort out the finacial mess they are in.

Have any of you contacted Citizens' Advice or Social security, or have you all just assumed that no help would be forthcoming? It would be worth checking whether they are entitled to help.

If there is no option but for them to remain with you, you need some house-rules agreed upon and kept.

They may well be short of money, but if you and your husband are both pensioners, so are you. They are adults and need to come up with a solution, it is not only up to you, you know.

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Secretsquirrel1 Wed 23-Feb-22 23:02:42

I really feel for you. It must be really so difficult and it’s even worse when you don’t really know how long it’s going to be for. I think you’re wonderful for helping them a lot of people wouldn’t take them in.
I had a couple of thoughts, I don’t suppose if you own your home, that you could do an equity release to get them a deposit on the property ladder? It’s a massive step though obviously! And tbh if they have a bad credit rating then they may not get a mortgage anyway.
I also wondered if you had say s dining room or spare room if you could give them their own sitting room somehow?or bed sitting room with TV etc.
My nana took my sister and husband in once and gave them her sitting room as a bed sit and she used a tiny room. I think it was worth it to get some peace and quiet lol
Or if you had the money could you rent a place on your name for a year in a cheap area while they get themselves straight?
Also what about the other parents ? Can’t they take a turn or help in any way?
Anyway I think you’re fabulous X

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