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Shocked I think.

(78 Posts)
BBbevan Mon 28-Feb-22 09:05:06

I had a very good friend when I was at college in the 60s. She didn’t finish the course but went off and married a quite wealthy man. For a while we lost touch, but I suppose since the 80s we have sent Christmas cards etc and have met up about 4or 5 times. So not really close. Recently she was holidaying near us and I met her for a coffee. She is showing her age a little now as she used to frequent beauty parlours. She had a new phone with her, on the table beside her and show off as she always was she had to demonstrate it to me. She pointed out all the many apps she has. In the middle of the screen was a large bright blue cross. I asked what it was. She pressed it and it led to a porn site where an ,allegedly, mother and son were having sex. I didn’t know quite what to say. She said her DH wasn’t up to much now so she watches this. I really don’t know what to think. What do other’s think. On reflection I think I feel a little sad for her.

Redhead56 Mon 28-Feb-22 14:03:38

She might be wondering what your reaction would be? I would give her a wide berth.

Germanshepherdsmum Mon 28-Feb-22 14:15:29

I didn’t get the impression that many of us were OK with incest. Quite the contrary.

Dickens Mon 28-Feb-22 14:17:45

Farzanah

What if participants are coerced Dickens? I’m thinking perhaps trafficked, or drug dependent? I’m not of course suggesting that all participants are such, some may just do if for the money perhaps?

I agree - and I'm sure some are (trafficked and drug-dependent).

As I said, I'm not convinced by the argument that it's harmless.

I once had this argument with a poster on a respected newspaper in their 'comments' section. He got quite aggressive about it and virtually said it was "men's right" to have access to porn, because men had "needs". I pointed out that women didn't exist simply to satisfy men's needs, but I don't know how he responded because his reply got deleted. With that kind of mentality, I'd definitely say porn has a harmful effect. The sense of entitlement is quite scary.

BBbevan Mon 28-Feb-22 14:19:23

Fanny I just said ‘No thank you, and can you put it away?’. I didn’t stay much longer.

Kalu Mon 28-Feb-22 14:26:15

I would have found this repulsive and would question the friendship as, one friend I could live without.

Dickens Mon 28-Feb-22 14:29:00

M0nica

Dickens Well, they would wouldnt they (^We are assured by those that watch it regularly, it does no harm^) .

I just notice how time and time again in criminal cases where men have raped and killed women - and sometimes children, the accused has been described as addicted to all kinds of extreme porn showing mistreatment of women and girls.

In this case we do not know what age the 'sons' were. It could include children.

... Well, they would wouldnt they. Unfortunately, you couldn't see my tongue firmly in my cheek when I made that comment. Of course they are going to defend it because they're worried they might not have the same access if we actually discuss the possible harmful effects.

I haven't seen 'extreme porn' and have no wish to look at it. The descriptions I've heard are enough to convince me that it's just not healthy. I can't believe that it doesn't encourage rapists and abusers of women and children.

M0nica Mon 28-Feb-22 14:37:45

Dickens Yes, humour and 'tongue in cheek' are difficult to get across in posts and I have both failed to see it, as in this case, and had my own attempts misunderstood on other threads..

Millie22 Mon 28-Feb-22 15:20:20

BBbevan
If this wasn't you I would have thought it's a definite wind up.

How unpleasant.

Iam64 Mon 28-Feb-22 15:26:23

The cycle if abuse often starts with a perpetrator seeking out pornography. The advent of the internet means anyone can access porn of all kinds.
Research confirms yes it harms the actors and those involved in production. Like other kinds of sex work, it attracts the vulnerable, usually involves drugs and alcohol.
Look at the recent book on the playboy mansion. In the sixties it was held to be the bastion of sexual liberation, now it’s known as a place of sexual abuse and deprivation.

62Granny Mon 28-Feb-22 15:31:11

I agree with Anna7 some people with dementia often loose their inhibitions and can be quite sexual.

Dickens Mon 28-Feb-22 15:32:39

M0nica

Dickens Yes, humour and 'tongue in cheek' are difficult to get across in posts and I have both failed to see it, as in this case, and had my own attempts misunderstood on other threads..

... it's a common problem on social media - because you can't 'inflex' with the written word like you can with speech. This was probably my fault - I should have italicised the word "assured" or put one of these hmm after the sentence.

I think we're on the same footing here... porn enthusiasts / addicts are hardly going to be objective.

BBbevan Mon 28-Feb-22 16:34:28

lemsip I have posted on here for some time, and always tried to be honest and compassionate. I rather dislike someone questioning my integrity. It did happen. !

BBbevan Mon 28-Feb-22 20:06:47

And I believe she has left the area now. I shall not be getting in touch with her again. I posted on here as I couldn’t quite decide why she thought it was appropriate to do that. I have never come across anything like it before and it quite shook me. Thank you those people who have understood. To those that think it was a ‘wind up’ I hope you don’t need a bit of advice one day

Marydoll Mon 28-Feb-22 20:15:43

I couldn't condone the incest aspect to this. Why did she need to show you that, in the first place? Not someone, I would wish to continue a friendship with.

Farzanah Mon 28-Feb-22 20:17:08

I can imagine the shock and disappointment you must feel about this friend who you once knew well BB I am sure I would have felt the same too. Luckily she isn’t in your close circle now, and whatever her motivation was in showing you this, sounds like you won’t be seeing her again, and can forget her.

BBbevan Mon 28-Feb-22 20:21:01

Thank youFarzanah

Blossoming Mon 28-Feb-22 20:53:24

Germanshepherdsmum

I didn’t get the impression that many of us were OK with incest. Quite the contrary.

At least 3 people have said they wouldn’t have a problem. That’s 3 too many for a start.

Iam64 Mon 28-Feb-22 21:17:09

Blossoming - I must have missed that. My impression was a few said no problem with porn.
I’m not one of them

M0nica Mon 28-Feb-22 21:23:49

Blossoming I’m surprised so many of you are OK with incest.

And you have found three among how many posts, 20, 30? The way you wrote about 'how many' led me to assume that at least half of us, if not more saw no problem with incest porn.

In fact it is few, and whether you think 3 is too many, and I would agree with you. Given the world we live in, it is inevitable, that a few would fail to think the subject through properly.

Germanshepherdsmum Mon 28-Feb-22 22:38:52

I’m not going to read all the posts again but I don’t recall anyone saying they were ok with incest.

PamQS Tue 01-Mar-22 01:31:29

How peculiar! What reaction was she looking for?

PamQS Tue 01-Mar-22 01:33:37

I’m certainly not OK with incest porn - I’ve never heard of such a thing before, but I find the idea of promoting incest revolting!

BBbevan Tue 01-Mar-22 04:42:05

I'll leave you to it ladies I think. I don't want to discuss different types of porn. I just wanted to know what you thought of her very inappropriate behaviour. Thanks anyway.

M0nica Tue 01-Mar-22 07:12:10

BBbevan, the answer is disgusted and revolted.

BBbevan Tue 01-Mar-22 07:14:45

Thanks Monica honest and to the point. I quite agree