Nonna77
First post and I’m gonna be first time gran very soon at young age of 45. My son and his gf do not live locally and her family are abroad. There are a few things I’d like advice around. Firstly I made a big mistake by posting on social media how this weekend baby is going to be induced and how excited I was. His gf immediately WhatsApp me to say I had no right and should i want to upload pics I need permission. This was upsetting and I’ve already got reservations about her from she seems it’s her way or the high way from the interaction I’ve had with her. Secondly they live 4 hours away with no family support around them. They was planning to relocate to be nearby but then this didn’t happen. So it’s unlikely I’ll spend much time with the grandchild. Any advice on the above and being a first time gran much appreciate
Nonna I know you are upset as well as naturally very excited but I think that you really need to take a step back and consider this situation carefully from others perspective and also look at the long term!
Firstly I made a big mistake by posting on social media how this weekend baby is going to be induced and how excited I was. His gf immediately WhatsApp me to say I had no right and should i want to upload pics I need permission
Well yes, it was a mistake as you say, even though you were excited! . Your son's GF has every right to tell only those that she wants to that their child is being induced! There can be numerous reasons why she might not everyone to know, it is a personal medical procedure! I am sure you did not mean to be tactless but I am afraid it was
should i want to upload pics I need permission.
She is pre-empting a possible future problem, realising that if you felt it was ok to talk about her medical procedure on social media then you may well not realise that posting pictures is not something all parents want for their children. Some parents are happy with it, others see it as an invasion of their child's privacy. At least now you know their thinking as parents!
This was upsetting and I’ve already got reservations about her from she seems it’s her way or the high way from the interaction I’ve had with her
Hard as it may be to accept within in your excitement and experience it IS your son's and her way or the highway about their child. IF you are accepting of that, they MAY ask for advice in the future. If you are not accepting of that, you may find yourself seeing very little of them or your grandchild. Think carefully about that!
Secondly they live 4 hours away with no family support around them. They was planning to relocate to be nearby but then this didn’t happen. So it’s unlikely I’ll spend much time with the grandchild
It must have been disappointing for you when they changed their plans but that is their perogative! Why were plans changed? There is no reason why you can't develop a way of seeing your grandchild over time, with mutual visits etc. However for that to happen you have to have a good relationship with your son AND his girlfriend and THAT needs to be your focus!
Any advice on the above and being a first time gran much appreciate
I think you need to :
- Apologise for your mistake in posting about the inducement. Say that you understand totally that you should not have posted something so personal. Don't excuse yourself with your excitement! Just apologise and take full responsibility.
- Say that you understand completely that you must not post pictures without asking first.
- Buy your son's girlfriend a small gift maybe linked to her pregnancy or post childbirth ....something thoughtful like a lovely shower gel, or handcream, something pampering. Or a favourite food
- Say that you realise THEY will want time as a family after the birth. Say you would love to come and see THEM ALL when they feel up to it. Ask if there is anything that would help in the first few weeks, maybe freezer meals or similar?
- Tell them you are available if they need you but that you don't want to impose so please let you know if anything is needed. Say you are there if needed but want to also give them space as a family with their new baby!
*After the birth, if none is forthcoming, ask if you can have just one photo of the baby/the family together maybe, saying that you will not be sharing it with anyone.
After that wait! And just be friendly, checking in occasionally with chatty messages, etc but not worrying away about all these concerns expressed above!
